Devistated

Today I had my follow up apt from my initial RE apt. I did all the testing, HSG, blood etc, DH did his blood and semen analysis. I was expecting to go in, hear that I would need meds and an IUI due to my pcos and move on. I have had 14 years since I was a teenager to accept this road with my pcos. We met with Dr. Palter and then my world shattered. DH has ZERO normal sperm and my only option is IVF. To say I am devistated is an understatement. He said this is likely due to his smoking. He recommends quitting (who knows if DH can do this) and complete a new semen analysis in 2 months before deciding to move to IVF. For me- IVF in this whole infertility process was where I was drawing the line and walking away. I know I mentally can't handle it. and then my world ended today. DH and I have yet to talk about it. I came home and hit the bottle of wine and skipped dinner. I am just so upset and angry I can't even begin to process it. On top of that I lost my wallet yesterday and now have to deal with that too. I am so lost. Now we have my pcos and his male infertility to deal with. I am so lost and don't know what to do.
If you were me what would you do? Right now, he's giving an IUI less than 1% chance of working. We cannot afford IVF- maybe saving for 3-4 years we would be able to but right now we can't and I don't have coverage for it. Just an IUI.

Devistated

Sorry you got bad news. While bad news sucks its also important to know why you are having issues. I never thought I would do IVF either. I thought, and the RE thought, IUIs would work-nope.

There are some ladies who have DHs with MFI issues so maybe they will give you some advice. Stopping smoking and changing his life style for a few months couldn't hurt. I've also heard of supplements men take to improve numbers. Also he can go to a specialist.

How old are you guys? If you are on the younger side I'd wait a few months and have DH retested after he quits smoking, is healthier, and takes supplements. I would not do an IUI with a 1% chance at this time. I would only do an IUI if his numbers improve. I would also start saving for IVF in case there are no improvements with DH.

Be upset and angry its an upsetting thing to deal with and plain sucks. I went through so much with infertility and finally have a child. I'm still so bitter about it. Hang in there.

Devistated

I'm sorry ... I know what you are going through. Did the dr suggest going to a urologist?? My dh had 0% motility and 1% morphology. He had varicocele surgery in the summer. At the 3 month mark there was no improvement except for count. Now 5.5 months later his motility is 68% and morphology 9%!!! We were devastated at the 3 month mark but now we have some hope.... My dh also takes supplements - vitamin c, e, multi vitamin, ubiquinol, 1 fertile aid and I think b12. Maybe you can discuss taking some supplements in addition to quitting smoking... Best of luck to you! Hugs!!!

Re: Devistated

I totally understand what you are going through. I have PCOS and my DH has severe MFI, although he is not a smoker, his is from a blockage. Did your RE tell you to see a urologist? We see Dr. Gilbert at the Smith Institute of Urology at LIJ. I highly recommend him, we thought all hope was lost but he has really been a huge help to us.

We did one IUI that didn't work which is why we went to the urologist. We did move onto IVF, I thought the same way that you are right now, I won't lie, it's an emotionally draining process but it's easier than you think. We haven't had success yet but hopefully next month will be our month for success as it is most likely our last attempt. Please reach out to me if you want anymore information about MFI. I would be happy to talk to you.

Devistated

Thank you ladies for your support. I am more level headed somewhat today. My RE recommended first he quit smoking and get retested in 2 months. If there is no improvement he recommends seeing a urologist. If there is no improvement IVF is our only option. Right now he feels that IVF will give us a 70% chance. There's nothing I can do at this point but support DH in quitting. Today is day 1 and he's already experiencing withdrawal he broke down hysterical last night I feel terrible for him. Hopefully in a few months I have a good update! I give each of you all the credit in the world, I'm just starting this journey and can't even handle it.

Re: Devistated

Quitting smoking is hard and he probably shouldn't just go cold turkey. Would he consider the patch or Chantix? Those would help him wean more slowly off the nicotine so his body doesn't hurt so much. But, I also know it takes 3 months for sperm to regenerate, so this may be a longer road for you than anticipated. You'll need some patience and support.

As for IVF, I wouldn't rule it out quite so soon. Many people do IVF who never thought they would. And I can assure you that when you're holding your little baby, you won't care how s/he got there! But I would question why your RE thinks IVF will work if your husband has zero normal sperm. I mean, they will need one sperm per egg to fertilize them. And zero normal sperms means you'd have...well, zero.

I'm so sorry. I went through something very similar with DH years ago. Quitting smoking, MFI, etc. Today I have a beautiful (almost) 3 year old DS and an 8 month old (today!) DD. I wouldn't have wanted my journey to be any other way because I have the children I'm supposed to have. Feel free to FM me.

Re: Devistated

Posted by MrsB12614

Thank you ladies for your support. I am more level headed somewhat today. My RE recommended first he quit smoking and get retested in 2 months. If there is no improvement he recommends seeing a urologist. If there is no improvement IVF is our only option. Right now he feels that IVF will give us a 70% chance. There's nothing I can do at this point but support DH in quitting. Today is day 1 and he's already experiencing withdrawal he broke down hysterical last night I feel terrible for him. Hopefully in a few months I have a good update! I give each of you all the credit in the world, I'm just starting this journey and can't even handle it.

Devistated

I'm sending you hugs. We were in the same boat. I knew I had PCOS and an iui would be the route we needed. Well DH had decreased numbers in his SA so IVF it was. Turned out I had more things going on too...but we do have a DC from IVF. Sending you hope.

Re: Devistated

I'm sorry you're going through this. I too am dealing with the same issues- PCOS and MFI. We've done multiple IUI's over the course of 4 years but none have proven to be successful. If you need to talk to someone, you can always FM me.

Re: Devistated

Coming from a pretty similar situation, I recommend--
1) see a urologist. He can have irregular sperm due to a Varicocele also. They can diagnose that via sonogram.
2) get a DNA frag test on his sperm. It breaks down where the irregularity is- basically is it due to chemical oxidation due to smoking or could be something more?
3) have him take very good quality antioxidants to fight against free radicals (aim for pycnogenol, melatonin and Ubiquanol) and acupuncture to increase blood flow into the testicles. Heathy blood flow means heathy tissue so it helps. Research what I suggested and talk with your DH before coming up with a plan of you are not going for IVF.

DH had a repeated horrible sperm count and had multiple miscarriages, multiple failed IUI's, failed IVFs and even ICSI failed for is twice bc his sperm was such poor quality. We saw a urologist and had the DNA frag test to localize where the most damage was coming from. For us, his DNA was good but he had high free radicals and oxidation so he went gluten free, had acupuncture (no needles in that area, mostly on stomach) and he took the antioxidants. It improved drastically for us. I don't know if it will help you guys but we had no choice and tried everything we could. Research before giving up! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Re: Devistated

I can just see how frustrated you are, its such a crazy journey and right now you just need to absorb it all and figure out what you want to do. You need to talk with your DH and figure out a plan for his smoking maybe try the patch until he weans off. Ugh I am so sorry your going through this. Lots of Hugs

Devistated

Thank you all for sharing your stories and advice. I spoke with the nurse at Gold Coast. So DHs morphology is 0.
My genetic testing also shows I am a carrier for PKU. So DH needs to go for testing as well.
So far DH is 3 hours away from being cigarette free for 24 hours. We are going for a new semen analysis in March. For now, just focusing on being healthy. I am going to look into the antioxidants for DH.
Thank you all for your support!!!

Re: Devistated

I'm so sorry its very devastating to hear a dx when you're least expecting it. When I initially went to the RE I was devastated to hear I needed to go straight to IVF. My husband was not 100% on board and I was in shock that I had to go that route. I insisted on doing 1 medicated IUI cycle. when that failed then I was faced with the truth that IVF would be my reality. Its amazing what you can do when are focused on the outcome and that's the little or .

good luck to your DH...its hard to quit smoking. I did it cold turkey and my DH had to slowly cut back to be successful.

Re: Devistated

hang in there!! These ladies give great advice.

Re: Devistated

I think you should start by talking to your DH. Take it step by step from there.

Message edited 1/20/2016 10:05:38 PM.