DH's dad...

DH's dad is terminally ill with cancer. This is the fourth time in his life he's had it, and now he's got stage 4 lymphoma. He's refusing all possible care (hospice, feeding tubes, etc.) and he's rapidly declining so we think he's only got about a month left.

That being said, I'm not upset. FIL is an @$$. He abandoned DH and his family when they were young and has never been there for them. He's barely been a father, and couldn't even bother to come to our wedding. DH can barely stand him, but he's still upset because FIL is still his dad and so on some level it is still upsetting.

My dilema is while DH is trying to sort out his feelings on all of this, I don't know how to be supportive. I mean, I try and I say the textbook supportive things to him. But I still feel like sometimes I'm biased as I really hate his dad for the things he put him through (some of them are way too horrible and person to even put on here).

I don't know how to help him grieve properly. I'd really appreciate any advice I could get here. Thanks in advance.

Re: DH's dad...

That's hard. I had a similar experience with a friend when her dad died. I think the guy was an awful dad but all you hear out of her mouth is how amazing he was, and I go along with it because that's what she needs.

I would suggest you just put your feelings about his dad out of your head and pretend as if you didn't even know him, and just be there for your DH in whatever way he needs as he mourns his dad. He might focus on only the good memories and that may make it easier for him to grieve. Helping DH is more important than making sure everyone realizes what an a-hole this guy sounds like he is. Approach it like, you have a job to do, just support your DH. I'm sure you have VERY frustrating days ahead, but you love your DH so you will figure out the best way to support him through this.

Re: DH's dad...

Thank you. It's definitely been frustrating. DH is very back and forth between angry and sad. I guess we'll just have to take it one day at a time...