Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

family within an 1 hour from where you live?

I currently live in Westchester and my family lives in LI and my DH's family lives upstate (both are about 1 - 1.5 hours away just in different directions.) We are TTC our first and my mom keeps telling me that I'm going to need to live closer to family, that we can't do it alone. My DH won't even consider LI (traffic, 3 hours from his family, etc.) and I can't live upstate.

We are in the process of looking for a new house (we were thinking Putnam another 20 minutes away from LI) After talking to my mom I'm so confused!!

Please help!

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

Alex was born in Ireland and all of our family and friends lived in NY. Granted we knew we were coming home. Now we live 1.5 hours away from my family. The only family DH has is his mother and she lives with us. She is a big help but not so much that I couldn't do it without her. Most of the time when we visit my parents we stay for the weekend since it is a long drive and with traffic it can take up to 2 hours. The hardest part for me is my parents don't get to see him that often. My MIL sees him everyday and he recognizes her and lights up when he sees her. My parents he doesn't recognize and it makes me I know that will change as he gets older but that is my biggest regret of not living closer to my parents.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

We live 12 hours (by car) from my parents and 22 (by car) from Dh's family.

My Parents see their Grandson atleast once a month either they drive or fly and my inlaws see him every 3 months.

I don't see 1, 1.5 hours away a big problem but also when my husband and I were dating we had a long distance relationship between both of our schools (NYC and Colorado) and he lived in Philly I lived in LI when we were home and it was 92 miles from my doorstep to his and that seemed like nothing to either of us. Growing up my Grandparents lived in the S. Bronx and the other set lived in Queens while we grew up in Bethpage. I saw my Mom's parents every single weekend.

Why does your Mom think that you can't do it alone? Lots of people do it alone either because of distance or death are do fine. Do you need her for daycare? Honestly you have to do what is best for your family and I don't see the big difference in an extra 20 minutes.

Dh is in the military so we have no choice where we live and this is actually the closest we have lived to both families in all of our moves now.

I think family dynamics have changed back in the day most people dated and married someone who was somewhat local so some of our parents and Grandparents generations have problems with the fact that their children and Grandchildren aren't in the same town or God Forbid the next town over anymore.

Message edited 1/25/2006 9:20:00 AM.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

I guess she just wants me closer. We will have to put our child in daycare either way, although I'd prefer to be a SAHM, I can't afford it. She wouldn't be able to watch a young baby every day so she may babysit every now and then, but daycare she couldn't do. I guess she feels that if something is wrong, if I need help or I need to go out between her and my SIL, aunts, uncles, etc. someone can always be there within 15 minutes vs. an hour+ .

I don't know she just made me feel really really sad. My brother lives about 10 minutes from her and she sees his kids all the time and I miss my nieces and would love my kid(s )to be close to their cousins, but my DH just won't do it.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

i live 8 hrs from my family, trust me you can raise a child without family near by allthough ofcourse it would be nice to have them

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

I only have my SIL 45 minutes away so essentially, we are doing it alone. It can be done....I've had help bby means of family coming to visit for a few days here and there, that's it though.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

thanks ladies. I'm starting to feel better. There's nothing worse than a mother with a guilt trip!!!

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

We live 4.5 hours from our families. It would be easier if they were close by, but you can do it on your own.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

We do... and it's so hard. My family is from long island, and DH's family is in Israel, and we're located in Philadelphia. My brother is here in Philly but he's totally useless. It's REALLY REALLY hard to have no family to help, it really is. There are days when I just cry and cry thinking how much easier it would be if we had someone who could just take Alex for a couple of hours a week so we could catch up on sleep, or have a date with DH. DH's mom flew in from Israel for the first 3 weeks we had Alex home and it was such a tremendous help that when she left, I bawled and bawled and bawled. She's coming again in two weeks and I've never been so excited!

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

My ILs live in FL and my dad is in GA. I live 5 minutes from my mom and do it alone. She works full time and cares for my elderly grandmother at night. In a good week she gets to see Sarah for about 30 minutes. Plus DH works really long hours, so she's asleep when he leaves and asleep when he gets home. Monday to Friday I truely do it all myself. I'm not going to lie, some days are really hard, but then you get a hug or a smile and it makes it all better. But it's definately doable.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

our family lives in NY and we now live in Florida..so we are on our own without any help..but it works out fine...
I'm not sure we would have had much help anyway even if they were nearby..

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

We live far away from our families and while it is nice to have a mom pop over to babysit all the time, you can easily do it on your own.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

My parents are in GA, my MIL is in FL and my FIL, who is 15 minutes away hasn't seen the kids in 3 years-don't ask, I can't even explain because I don't know the reason! We only have my sister, who is 5 minutes away that we rely on to watch our dd on school days off. My SIL, who is 19 watches the kids sometimes too but I don't have many "close" family members live near us.
We have done everything ourselves.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no

we live 1000 miles from family, so yes Lauren was born with her parents present only. that is the way we would of had it regardless. As for being there to help afterwards, I only wanted MY family to comes a work after which they did.

Re: Did any of you have your child(ren) with no