Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I have known about my PCOS since december and am adament about not telling anyone. DH supports my decision, but I was wondering what you think?

I feel like if I tell the families they will be constantly hounding me and I am a private person. When I am upset-I like to deal with it alone.

Ironically my team at school knows and that doesnt bug me

I dont even want to tell anyone until Im pregnant.. is this weird?

Message edited 3/12/2007 8:42:39 PM.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

DH & I did not tell all our friends and family. The only ones that know that we did IVF are my mom, sister and my best friend who actually asked me...so I didn't lie to her but I didn't come out and tell her either. We haven't told any of DH's family, my 2 other best friends or co-workers.

I am like you...I rather deal with things alone when I am upset so rather than having people ask 1001 questions we decided to keep it pretty private.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I think its perfectly understandable. I didn't tell anyone I was seeing an RE, but most people didn't know I was TTC either.

I didn't want the questions or everyone wondering when it would happen.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I understand where you are coming from, but trust me... they will hound you one way or the other. My family probably hounds us less now that they know.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

We did not tell family. All it took was a few general conversations about TTC, related to other people and their pregnancies or TTC efforts. Some people said some really stupid things and I realized how it would go. As soon a family member who never dealt with IF acted like the expert on how to get pregnant I was completely turned off. There were times when I grew unsure about whether to tell but then some people on here reminded me of my initial reasons not to.

I have a BFP and I am still in the closet. It is so difficult yet I know that it's right for me.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I think it's totally up to you. If your a person that likes to deal with things alone then don't tell anyone because they will hound you with questions. I on the other hand am a big baby and just depended heavily on my family to deal with my meltdowns.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I agree with Pauline at some point the questions will require an answer.

I confided in my family & friends and I am glad that I did, yeah sometimes my Mum will say something that annoys the sh*t out of me, but overall I think the fact they know & support me helps

I don't think it's weird, different things work for different people. Sometimes when I'm really upset I just want my Mum and if she didn't know I couldn't tell her.

I wish you luck it whatever you decide, if you choose to tell them explain that you like your privacy?

Message edited 3/12/2007 10:20:10 PM.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

Me...

No one in my family knows and DH and I have been struggling with this for over 2 years. I am dying to confide in my mom for her support but my DH wants to keep it between us

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I totally understand where your coming from. Like you I have PCOS and know one knows except DH. I feel that it is private information that no one needs to know. I am a private person as well. I guess I just don't want people to talk about it to other people. So this is definitely not wierd, it's just your preference.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

My family knows, but for some reason I really don't want his parents to know, although I'm pretty sure he's told them anyway.

The main person I don't want to know is his ex-wife. She just had a baby and it really urks me.

As far as friends, most of my friends know about my IF issues.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I only told my boss because of all my Dr. appt.s and one of my close friends because she had been through it all before.

After we got BFP, we told our families of the struggles, I just didn't want to hear "how are you" 5 million times, it's bad enough I get it every day now LOL

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I have given family and close friends drips and drabs but only one close friend has the whole story. Only the one friend knows that we are actually ttc. My family thinks I am just preparing to. They just don't understand. Everyone else just looks at their husband and gets preggo. My sister has had 3 oopies and my sil one oopsie and one planned. They just can't understand. Which is why I am so glad I have found this site. After struggling for 18 months I finally know I am not alone.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I made it clear that I would not share any details of a PG until at least 12 weeks. This of course meant my sister called once a month to ask when I last saw AF. When we started testing for IF issues last week I called her and told her just so she wouldn't call me again. She is the only person outside these boards that knows we're having issues.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

In the beginning we only told this board, family and my best friend, and I'm glad we did because the support has been wonderful. It's also been helpful that with some procedures if DH can't go I can have my mom with me.

Now that's it been almost 2 years DH has been a bit more vocal and in a way it's been helpful since because of his conversations I have found my new dr.

Just do whatever makes you feel most comfortable

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

We have not discussed our IF issues with any family (and I only mentioned it to two close friends). For one, we're both very private people but the other consideration I had was that I know how much both sets of parents want a grandchild and I didn't want our IF issues to be the topic of conversation.

On the other hand, it has made for some interesting "creative" excuses - like when we had to drive into the city on Christmas Eve for a blood test. My family was here and we had to leave at 5am. Try coming up with an excuse for THAT trip!

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

We told our close friends and family. I found that they backed off a lot.

It got to the point where my MIL's friends used to grab my stromach and ask why we didn't have a baby yet, and when are we having a baby.

We were trying for about 2 years.

Once the word went out, the old biddies backed off a bit

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I only told like five people. Other than DH, one coworker who went thru the same thing, my boss (I can't lie to this woman for some reason) and like three friends.

I feel that I will be subject to even more questions, and I'm on such an emotional roller coaster as it is, that I can't bear to answer any of their questions.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

We never told anyone. I didn't want my fertiility status to be the topic of people's dinner coversations. I also didn't want to e asked every month, "Anything?????" Ugh.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

Nobody knows we are TTC, so nobody knows about our troubles either. I am just starting to admit to myself that we have a problem. I have good days and bad days and on the bad days I really wish I had my mother's support. I almost told my mother tonight but changed my mind at the last second. I now want to wait until I have another opinion (maybe from an RE) before I talk to her about it. .

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I wish no one knew about our infertility. When we were first pregnant, I was an idiot and told everyone.....just to miscarry later. Ever since then, we have been an open book. But, I wish I could take it all back. It creates awkwardness with friends and family.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

One of the reasons that we never told is that if you tell people and they are pains in the asses about it, there is no way to un-tell them!!!!

Now, being PG, I am afraid that if I m/c after I tell people, I'll be expected to keep everyone posted on any future TTC that and it will be assumed that we will try again right away.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

Our parents and our close friends know. They have been super supportive of us. I'm so glad we have them to lean on - last time I was home I had to ask my mom to give me my injections b/c I am chicken and usually my DH does them but he was unable to travel with me (we live in MD) It was kind of strange but I think it made her realize how much we are going through.

I don't really get the 'how are you questions'. If I do and I"m having a bad day I just say I'd rather not talk about it and everyone is cool with that. Otherwise I find it comforting to be able to talk to my girlfriends. None of them have gone through this but they are great listeners.

Edited to say - I totally understand why someone would want to keep this quiet. Everyone has their own ways of coping.

Message edited 3/14/2007 3:28:15 PM.

Re: Did anyone NOT tell friends and family about IF issues?

I told my sister right away b/c she is a doctor, so everytime I would talk to my dr, I would follow it up with a phone call to her.

I also ended up telling my father b/c I had a hard time dealing with the annoucement of my sisters pregnancy (which came less than 2 weeks after beign told it would be challenging for us to get pg)