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Jenbug927
LIF Infant
Member since 3/10 280 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Did you DH Ever??
Go completely against you in front of your stepchild?? I always thought we're supposed to be a team; but for the 2nd time in 2 weeks my DH just went against my wishes in front of my SD. I said one thing and he said thecomplete opposite after we had made a decision prior to this occurrence. It might be something petty and small but I feel terribly disrespected considering we are supposed to be a unit and act as such. I don't agree with the "good" cop "bad" cop bit and he just pulled it for the 2nd time and I'm so PI$$ED! Has anyone else dealt with this and if so, how did you discuss it further without yelling and screaming?
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Posted 9/21/10 7:55 PM  |
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KimberlyScott
Graceyn=My World <3
Member since 10/08 4173 total posts
Name:
Kimberly
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Re: Did you DH Ever??
This happened to me once (after we discussed out decision he backed out last min). I explained to him that he should not do that again. You need to provide a united front for SC. I told him that it's confusing for the child and it would provide more stability. In my case I said No and 2 secons later DH said it would be ok.
Dont get me wrong it took me a few days to get to this point of acceptance. I was so mad!! I threatened DH at first and told him that since he now took away my authority, SC will now ask him for everything and if he were to ask me, I'll say ask your father. He didnt like the idea of SC calling him for every little thing while he was at work.
Message edited 9/23/2010 3:02:06 PM.
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| Posted 9/22/10 1:23 PM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: Did you DH Ever??
Not often but it's happened. I am guilty myself  I mean, we're different people so we have different opinions on things at times. I tell SD she can't bring drinks into the Living Room and DH lets her so of course she spills something on the rug LOL or she asked him for a nose piercing and he said absolutely not but I don't see what the big deal is and told her that I would let her but he has to agree. Just stupid things like that - it happens. If it was over a major issue that would effect their health or something like that, then I guess I would feel differently. I think it's just a common family struggle that people have whether they are step-children or biological children.
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| Posted 9/23/10 8:06 AM |
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KarenG2003
My BIG man and my little man!
Member since 4/08 1684 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Did you DH Ever??
Yes. This happend way too often in our household. DH is constantly going against me right in front of SD. It makes me SCREAMING mad, and we'd get into big arguements about it. He had a hard time realizing that everytime he does it, I lose authority and credibility in his DD's eyes.
It finally stopped (for the most part) after DH went against a decision that was made, which caused SD to do something TOTALLY out of line. Then he realized we need to be a "team".
It's unfortunate that he had to realize it that way, but that's what it took.
DH has a lot of pent-up guilt (even though he has not done anything wrong), and finds it very hard to say no to his DD, so I'm usually the one who says no. This is why we butt heads A LOT. Like I said, it has gotten better since DH made a few mistakes and said "yes" to things that I said no to, and then had it blow up in his face.
Message edited 9/23/2010 9:25:29 PM.
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| Posted 9/23/10 9:22 PM |
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Jenbug927
LIF Infant
Member since 3/10 280 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Did you DH Ever??
Posted by KarenG2003
Yes. This happend way too often in our household. DH is constantly going against me right in front of SD. It makes me SCREAMING mad, and we'd get into big arguements about it. He had a hard time realizing that everytime he does it, I lose authority and credibility in his DD's eyes.
It finally stopped (for the most part) after DH went against a decision that was made, which caused SD to do something TOTALLY out of line. Then he realized we need to be a "team".
It's unfortunate that he had to realize it that way, but that's what it took.
DH has a lot of pent-up guilt (even though he has not done anything wrong), and finds it very hard to say no to his DD, so I'm usually the one who says no. This is why we butt heads A LOT. Like I said, it has gotten better since DH made a few mistakes and said "yes" to things that I said no to, and then had it blow up in his face.
This is exactly how I feel; it takes away any bit of authority I have and shows my SD that if she just goes to dad she'll always get what she wants. My DH feels I'm a little rigid with how I handle life in general, he calls me the queen of "no" but I just explain that kids thrive on stability and structure and she hasn't had any since his divorce. Her mother gives in the everything just b/c she can't stand the fight that will ensue where as I welcome a good challenge as long as it means that her best interest is being taken into consideration. And DH understands and the same thing is happening now to where he sees certain things happening as she gets older that are a direct result of the constant giving in. I know that teenagers and children in general thrive with structure and stability and that's how i operate so I wouldn't know how else to run a house... but I'm glad I'm not the only one who's experienced this and appreciate all your feedback! THANKS SO MUCH!!!
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| Posted 9/24/10 8:37 AM |
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KarenG2003
My BIG man and my little man!
Member since 4/08 1684 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Did you DH Ever??
You are TOTALLY not the only one, and I could have written your reply above myself! 
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| Posted 9/24/10 9:29 PM |
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chefkiki
LIF Zygote
Member since 3/11 5 total posts
Name:
Proud Stepmom
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Re: Did you DH Ever??
Yes, and it is fustrating to no end. He is in a mindset that he wants to give her everything because we only get her every so often and he doesn't want her to "hate him" but sometimes it gets out of hand. No matter how much we agree and talk about it when the situation comes up he changes his mind and since hes the dad thats what the SD listens to. :*(
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| Posted 3/6/11 5:47 PM |
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