Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

I really don't want to get into details, but I am wondering if anybody can recommend a counselor. I don't even know how to get DH on board for this. I have cried (from the gut, deep cries) over what feels like the deterioration of our marriage. I can see he's frustrated too. We try to discuss things, but it just ends up being a b!thcing session. Are there counselors that specialize in post-partum family counseling? TIA!!

ETA: Would it be marriage counseling? We've just lost our lack of communicating because we are so tired and pi$$y from the baby. And I know it's not good for us, or good for the baby. From other posts many of you made, it sounds just like the 'normal' have an infant butting heads stuff. I just don't want it to get worse.

Message edited 1/27/2008 4:06:28 AM.

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

I don't have any recommendations, but wanted to offer you (sad hugs because I'm sad you're going through this).

I know that it is TOTALLY normal for couples to have difficulties after a baby- you're whole dynamic has changed. I think it's very proactive of you to seek help NOW rather than letting it deteriorate further.

Good luck Kelly

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's perfectly normal to some issues after baby. I it gets eadier for you. I'm always here for you to talk.

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

things do get harder/change post baby. you're taking the right approach - hang in there

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

DH and I have been together for 15 years and we never had such a difficult time than when our 1st DS was born. Parenthood changed everything but some how once we built a routine, and realized we needed to be a team to raise our little guy, we were able to mend bridges.
Good luck!

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

I don't have any recommendations but I can tell you from experience this time period sux BUT it does get better. I know for me I was going through a hard emotional adjustment to my lose of independence. I had a hard time with the loneliness. I had resentment towards my husband because his independence (because he got to go to work everyday- not that he was out partying)was not loss. I had issue with my health and then with my lack of ability to even try breast feeding. It was a lot. He had issues in dealing with my moods and post partum depression. He had issues to deal with relating to his new responsibilities and other things. It was hard but I can tell you once you get through the adjustment period it gets much better. I think of it as some had a rough first year of marriage, we didn't, BUT this was our adjustment period.

Whatever you decide to do, just know that you are not alone in this!!!

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

You have FM.


I can totally relate to Jaime's story!

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

going through similar issues.....

best of luck, I think counseling is a great idea

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

To tell you the truth, we probably would have if DH was ever home, which was the root of our issues anyway... things have calmed down a bit.... I hope!

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

maybe you should start with a night out together...i always find it helps more to talk about things in a non threatening environment so that it doesnt turn into a bitching session...i would def. do someting now and not let it go....

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

I agree with the above poster who stated about getting into a routine. I am seriously considering writing it down and mapping it out so we are both less frustrated. In other words... Monday: you clean bedroom, I clean kitchen Tuesday: you take dd for a walk, I cook dinner Wed: family fun nite
Thurs:You clean den, I clean dds room
fri: dinner out sat: family fun nite etc...
Obviously more details but just trying to figure out how to compromise...KWIM

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

I agree with much of what Jamie said. Add to that the fact that you and DH have different schedules and you aren't near family. I know I say that having family local can be stressful, too but either situation can cause stress and yours is more likely to. From the outside your marriage looks picture perfect, I can tell you that! As for counseling, I say to find one that you are comfortable with and move on to someone else if you are not. Their own quirks can come into the picture and some of them are wacky (I know I will get attacked for that but I said SOME of them). I know someone who counsels couples and has never been married. I would say to find someone who is married.

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

Like getting married having a baby is a big life adjustment...Seeking out counseling is definitely a good thing and a step in the right direction. I dont have any specific recommendations but see if there is a Family Service League in the area....Sometimes just venting to a friend can help. Im right here if you need me.

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

Kelly call me anytime so we can talk I am ALWAYS here for you!

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

A night out!!!! Anybody want to come babysit?

I wish we could be on a schedule. Our days off change every week, as do our hours. We work around one another so one of us is always home with the baby.

I'm glad I'm not alone. We aren't heading in the best direction and I want to get us back on course before are so far gone.

Thank you!!!!

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time with your marriage now. DH and I have been arguing a lot lately too, and it kind of came to a head today. We thought if it keeps up, we may try to find a counselor ourselves. Sorry I have no recommendations, but I wowuld think any counselor or therapist who specializes in couples and family issues would be good.


Ideally, it would be good to spend some time alone together, but this can be difficult. We have the same issue with spending anytime alone--no babysitter yet and no family nearby to watch him. Before the baby came, I figured we would have romantic evenings at home, but I didn't count on the 7-9 pm witching hour.

Good luck!

Re: Did you go to couples counseling after baby?

We didn't, but we should have.

At 7 months, things got 90% better.

We were together for over 10 years before baby...zero issues, no problems, best friends. Our marriage was perfection.

Then baby. Leo could not help but feel left out.