Discipline with a 3 yr. old-time outs not working

How do you discipline your 3 year old? We have been using time outs pretty consistently in my opinion since he was about 2 or 2.5. They just aren't helping? Any suggestions on other methods of discipline?

The mornings are the toughest for us, we both work and trying to get him fed and dressed is an almost daily battle. Bedtime can also be a battle as well. For the morning, i have made a visual chart of everything my son needs to do before he can play. If he does everything on his chart and gets into the car without a problem he gets a hershey's kiss. It helps a bit but not completely.

HELP!!

Re: Discipline with a 3 yr. old-time outs not working

Positive reinforcement.

I just read a book called the Kazdin Method.. it really works, it's just hard if you're a natural born hard a$$ like I am. It talks about shaping your child's behavior, but what I've noticed is that I'm changing MY behavior.. but I see this work and my DD is as headstrong as they come. She's a screamer, a fighter and she hits. Craziness!!

For example, you have this chart and you say he has to do everything on it before he can play.. that just may be too much just yet (I don't know, I'm just assuming). If you break it down into smaller steps and praise him profusely when he does what you want that in and of itself will encourage him to do what you want. I see the look on my DD's face when I praise her and it's working - basically, we didn't praise her enough before for doing the right thing.

I read the book and I'm in the process of reading it again just so the method can really sink in. Kazdin Method

Re: Discipline with a 3 yr. old-time outs not working

Thank you so much for the recommendation! I will definitely check this book out. I appreciate the help.

Re: Discipline with a 3 yr. old-time outs not working

i would be interested in this too because i am having the same issues with my almost 4yo. time outs are becoming more and more difficult. Things become a power struggle..ugh

Re: Discipline with a 3 yr. old-time outs not working

Time outs only work if you are removing them from an enjoyable situation. Time out during bedtime routine is extending time awake instead of getting them ready for bed. Time outs during meal time is escaping from a meal, which would not work.

A time out can be turning off the TV when watching a favorite show - it isn't a corner or a naughty step - but the punishment must fit the crime.

You may want to focus on one goal at a time - not a laundry list of behaviors. But you can't use an umbrella term.

Having a sticker chart for "listening" won't work. Using the sticker chart for one task, one time of day, will.

"You get a sticker for letting me put on your pajamas when I say it is time for bed" or "You get a sticker AND a candy for getting into the car when it is time to go" might work. An immediate reward as well as a longterm reward is powerful for some kids - so he gets a little candy, but that tonka truck he has been coveting and begging for? Well, that can be the long term goal - but it has to be achievable. If it takes too long to earn 10 stickers, then 3-5 might need to be the goal initially.

They are very head strong at this age, and the immediate might be more reinforcing than anything else (what they want right now is more reinforcing than to listen to you for something they might get later)

Teaching them that tantrums and saying no will NEVER work is key. If they sometimes work, then it will be harder to teach them that they never work. You have to get through that "sometimes" pattern, which can take a loooong time!!!

Message edited 4/14/2011 10:15:14 PM.

Re: Discipline with a 3 yr. old-time outs not working

We put his toys in the time out closet...its our linen closet. Time outs werent working for us, so we are trying this now. There is no alloted time, he has to earn them back with a days worth of "reasonable" good behavior.

Yesterday, he lost the Wii all day today bc he pushed my sisters son for no reason yesterday and knocked him over. So that was it, no Wii, it went into the closet. He was on his best behavior today and got it back just before bedtime so he could bowl once.

So this is now how it works, for little infractions, he get a warning, if he does it again, a final warning, one more time, toy goes into the timeout closet.

For major infractions, like yesterday's "not keeping your hands to yourself", he loses it immediately.

Message edited 4/14/2011 10:15:20 PM.

Re: Discipline with a 3 yr. old-time outs not working

Thank you for all your replies! I do appreciate it and I am going to try to use some of your suggestions-even with potty training. He will pee on the potty fine but the pooping is another story. We had a chart for that, but as lipglossjunky mentioned, I think I was requiring him to earn too many stickers to earn a prize.

We told him every time he gets a sticker for pooping he would get a prize from the poopy prize bag (never in a million years did I think all my conversations would revolved around poop until I had my son!) and then when he filled up his whole chart we would take him to the toy store to pick out a toy. His chart consisted of 6 stickers. he completed one chart (but it took two weeks!) and now he has completely stalled and hasn't gone poop on the potty in a week. Maybe if it was just three, it would work better.