Dissappointing Consultation tonight

I need to vent, so Im sorry if this gets long.

I had our consult with the Dr. tonight, they schedule a re-consult after 3 months ( 3 failed iuis) to discuss where to go from here.

I was excited at first thinking OK, now we will get serious....Well I feel so let down and I feel like no one understands, and I have no one to talk to about this...

The Dr basically asked FIRST, well we should move on to IVF, then I said I didnt have insurance coverage for that , and I felt ignored by that , she actually later remarked I shoudl "take out a loan" and never once explained to me WHY IVF was the next choice... AND I ASKED BELIEVE ME!

I asked baout success rates for more IUIS, no answer.

I asked about DH's borderline motility results on his SA, and she said " It could mean nothing, it could mean something big"..

UM HELLO??? Can I get any answers here at all?????

I was quoted a million IVF statistics even after saying We could not really afford this. Toi top it off they said they would want to transfer ONE EGG , so Im paying $15K for one egg transfer? I asked why and they went right back to the fact that they dont want multiples for me because I lost a baby at 6 months.

I have explained in detail that I did not have incompentant cervix, I had an infection, it was a fluke, Why are they so insistent on being so conservative when its really not something I fear. She stated I would need to speak to my OB before deciding, and of course my OB doesnt do High risk, so I need to find a dr who does asap.

She said if my OB cleared the way for the possibility of multiples they would "consider" low dose injectables, but very low dose and would like at least 3 MORE cycyles on femara or Clomid.


I dont understand why IM the patient and I seem to have zero choice in what protocol I WOULD LIKE. I mean its not like Im looking to transfer 10 eggs or take high dose med's. We are just talking normal progress??

I feel I got no where, and am going to decide whther I stay with them after this months cycle.

I left with A new SA rx for DH and an appointment for a HSG for me if this month fails and nothing much else.

Sorry- I am just very dissappointed, I am ok with waiting, taking little steps but I feel like I have no clear idea of what is next and thats what is bothering me...and the very clear push to just RUSH to IVF made me very upset.

THanks for listening...

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna,

First, I'm so sorry. I think you were entirely justified in the way you were feeling.

I attend the same RE clinic and haven't even had my first IUI yet but I'm not getting a great gut feeling about the place. I'm getting the feeling and yes, it's a feeling, nothing to go on, that it is a bit of a factory and that there is a standard proctocal despite what the individual patient's medical history brings to the table.

I think they put EVERYONE on 50mg of Clomid, and they did this to me BEFORE my comprehensive bloodwork analysis came back, and IUI for three cycles despite what anyone's history is. Then everyone moves onto IVF... again, despite the indiividual patient.

I had a similar experience last Saturday in that I really was not listened to. I showed the NP my chart and she said, "Oh, we don't use those" and I responded by saying... "Um, it's proven to be a more accurate predictor of when I'll surge than even some OPK's". The same NP told me to do OPK's first thing in the morning when it's more effective to do them in the afternoon. I corrected her on this and showed her documentation from the internet saying so. I got a look like I was "Queen B!@ch from H E L L". Oh, and the time before they couldn't find my chart.

You are 100% correct. Only you know what's good for your body and for you and DH. What is especially frustrating is the doctor was so insistant with you and still couldn't quote reasons or stats as to why it would be the better protocal for you.

I was in the waiting room on Saturday morning with three women who were age 40 plus. In my opinion every one of them was going there for too long. Yes, I was evesdropping a bit on their conversation because I wanted to get a better feel for the place and see if my gut was correct. And yes, every one of them went through the exact same protocol even though they are all individuals... ?

I said to DH the other day... I want my RE to be like purchasing a Toyota, I only go in a couple of times (once to pick it out and once to pay and pick up the car) because the product is so successful. I shouldn't have to return again until I need another car in ten years. I shouldn't know the employees there by name. Instead, it's like I bought a Jaguar, I'm back in the shop every day and know seven employees by name (that did happen to me BTW). I'm looking for the Toyota of RE's and we might be stuck at Jaguar

to you and DH.

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

theresa- THANK YOU!

At first I was very happy there, but ti seemed to have gotten much busier and much more Factory like, although I have heard that since the fertility clinics are few and between here on LI , many are like this. But your right as far as the protocol goes...although I was treated different then some it seems like I also get a TON of misinformation.

they too always TELL ME to do the OPK firstthing in the morning. I NEVER get good results ont hem 1st thing and I have told them that. THE NP I know exactly who you mean and MANY of us have had issues with her...shes just an idiot in my opinion and I wont speak to her anymore, if Im paying $15 to see a DR, I wanna see the DR. Not to mention she discusses your info in front of everyone and I have heard too many of her patients historys, they dont seem to understand the HIPPA laws of confidentiality.

I like some of the nurses and there are about 2 dr's I really like, But I was VERY turned off by the IVF "RUSH" because I feel like thats all they care about there, because its a higher success for them. Basically getting someone who doesnt really need IVF to get a PG from it, boosts their success rates, thats how I feel these days

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

From what you've said, I don't blame you for being upset. Why would they push for IVF, and then only want to transfer ONE embryo? If they're pusing IVF to better their stats, you'd think they'd want to do two embryos (I had 2 transferred and only 1 made it).

In any case, they shouldn't be pushing ANYTHING on you AT ALL. If you want to continue with IUIs, that's your decision.
I can't believe she didn't answer your questions either!

I don't know what to say, except I hope you're able to work this all out soon

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna..

I am very disappoined at the treatment you are receiving at your RE ...AND the fact they seem disintereted in YOU as an indiviual, they seem unresponsive and unable to answer with detailed, basic FACTS !!

I also do not think that pushing you towards IVF makes any sense IF they do not give you more information as to WHY they are doing that !!

In my own honest opinion, I would really think about looking for another RE clinic ... I just feel as though that while this place might have woked for so many others, its not the right 'fit' for you and I think you need to be entirely comfortable with your doctors and course of treatment in order to be truly successful

I'm sorry about today ... much love and hugs for you

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna I am sooo sorry that you went through this today. I also thought it must be like this everyhwere. I have only had 1 visit and a few phone calls, but I already have a quite different feeling from my new RE.

You deserve answers and personalized care. I think that you should look elsewhere. I know you mentioned NSUH was far from you but its only 10min from RSNY, and there are other clinics on LI that do take insurance. Myabe in the meantime you can set up a consult with another clinic, so if this cycle doesnt work you can start right in somewhere else.

Of course, I hope you get a BFP and thats the end of it!!!

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna, and Theresa I can't tell you how much of what you both said has been on my mind. I agree completely with Theresa. Rsofny has the same protocol for every single patient. Clomid/iui. You have to practically beg for femara. I am curious to know what they have planned for me next. Everytime I hand that sheet to pay, I look at the code for 'unexplained infertility" and all that means to me, is that noone has worked hard enough to figure a diagnosis out. Without a diagnosis, how can things improve ???As soon as the holidays finish, I will be heading to Cornell. At Cornell the doctors sit down and together discuss the patients. I don't think that's done at Rsofny. I believe they grab your chart, 'sometimes' look it over for 5 minutes and then call you in. Every single time I have asked them to call me with my blood work regardless if it's normal or not, THEY DON'T.
I would definitely go to NSUH...if they took your insurance. Rsofny is a small clinic with their own lab. Go to a clinic that has state of the art equipment.

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Ooh Donna- First and foremost I am so sorry This IF ride is hard enough and it really stinks when we think that the people who should be making this easier for us are in fact not.


It sounds to me that you need to find a new doctor. I know you are concerned with distance and time off and such but you need to find a doctor who is going to treat YOU, YOUR case and YOUR specific needs. Why continue to give someone your money when they don't satisfy you?

I'm upset that they won't seem to let you go on to injectables. Your loss was an out of the ordinary situation. What I find the most odd is that they dismissed it without talking to you about your feelings of selective reduction. Although selective reduction is difficult and is certainly not for everyone, the subject should have been brought up.

Once again, I am so sorry and you know that I am here for you whenever you need.

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Oh Donna, I'm sorry

I also started out as a patient at that place and now I"m at NYU. Please just get a 2nd opinion - I was very shocked to find out that 2 drs disagreed with their protocol (NYU is my 3rd clinic)

I'm also self pay so I understand the reluctance to jump right into IVF. If you do need IVF there are other clinics that have options available check out resolve.org for some ideas. Also if necessary look into grants to help you pay.


I'm sorry you're not getting the answers you want and deserve

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna...I'm sorry. I agree with some of the others, that maybe you should find a new doctor who you are more comfortable with and you feel actually takes the time to talk/listen to you. IVF is a big step...and if that's what you are going to do, you need to have faith in your doctor.

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

I'm so sorry Donna...I would absolutely get a second opinion....

You should definately make an appt for a consult somewhere else.

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Ugh oh Donna, How FRUSTRATING!!!!
I've already talked to you about this but just wanted to lend my support here too. I think you should try what Pauline did and see a different RE.

RSofNY's protocol isn't going to work for everyone and they don't seem very interested in straying from that plan...and that's not right.

You've been going there long enough and should have more answers than this by now.

I do think you should have the HSG. I'm surprised you haven't had that already!! If by some chance your tubes are blocked, IUI isn't going to work...so what are they doing? Shouldn't they have done a little testing before IUI was started?

If you need an OBGYN, my group is very good, I can give you their names. Also Huntington Hospital's Women's Center now has an infertility specialist, it's great there! Everyone there is very nice. I went there for my Ultrascreen and will be there for my Level II. There was an article in Newsday about it a few weeks ago too.

Last but not least, I wanted to give some hugs

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Posted by MrsJ




If you need an OBGYN, my group is very good, I can give you their names. Also Huntington Hospital's Women's Center now has an infertility specialist, it's great there! Everyone there is very nice. I went there for my Ultrascreen and will be there for my Level II. There was an article in Newsday about it a few weeks ago too.

Last but not least, I wanted to give some hugs

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donns- I'm so sorry you were treated that way! I think it's disgraceful! I would really get a sceond opinion.

I go to LI-IVF. The have offices in Port Jeff, Melville and Lake Success. I have to say, I have never been rushed by any of the doctors, and a=have always had all of my questions answered - even if it was no what I wanted to here. when I go in there I feel like eveeryone has an interest in seeing me succeed and will take any steps to make my dreams come true. I believe they take most insurances also.

Good luck.

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Posted by shamrock12472

Posted by MrsJ




If you need an OBGYN, my group is very good, I can give you their names. Also Huntington Hospital's Women's Center now has an infertility specialist, it's great there! Everyone there is very nice. I went there for my Ultrascreen and will be there for my Level II. There was an article in Newsday about it a few weeks ago too.

Last but not least, I wanted to give some hugs

Is that the group on Park Avenue right after the train tracks in Huntington Atruim?

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Posted by shamrock12472

Posted by MrsJ




If you need an OBGYN, my group is very good, I can give you their names. Also Huntington Hospital's Women's Center now has an infertility specialist, it's great there! Everyone there is very nice. I went there for my Ultrascreen and will be there for my Level II. There was an article in Newsday about it a few weeks ago too.

Last but not least, I wanted to give some hugs

Is that the group on Park Avenue right after the train tracks in Huntington Atruim?

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Did you ever see Dr. Hull?? She is par with my insurance. But is that an office with more then one dr? It could get crazy busy there.
But I am going to check it out. THANKS

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna,

First off sorry you are going through this. I too started at RSONY and am also self pay. I switched to LI-IVF and so far am much happier there. RSONY is turning into a factory and those RN's are a not very helpful at all. I also did not appreciate having my personal information discussed in a hallway in front of 20 other women.

I'd definitely recommend getting a new RE.

Best of luck to you.

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna I am so sorry you are going through this. It defintely sounds like you need a new doctor. If you need to talk I am always here for you.

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna,

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I was told the same thing and booked an IUI against my doctor's orders anyway. I'm not recommending you do the same, but it's just my way of telling you I believe in myself and my own research more than any doctor. That I do recommend for you. Best of luck in whatever you decide. Maybe it's time to move on to a new doctor.

Susan

Re: Dissappointing Consultation tonight

Donna -

I am so sorry to hear how this place is treating you (and it seems many others).
While I myself do not know about RE's (yet) - it does not sound like you are dealing with a group who are seriously trying to help you achieve pregnancy.

I hope you are able to find somewhere else to go that accepts your insurance and will actually invest a little time into talking to you about each concern you have or don't have