Do any of you...

...ever feel that you are disappointing your parents because you're not giving them any grandchildren? My parents never question me or DH about having children, but they do have 2 grandchildren (my nephew and niece) already, so maybe that's why they don't put pressure on us. I do, however, always wonder what my In-laws think and assume that they blame me for us not having kids.

Re: Do any of you...

My parents have 3 grandchildren...all from my sister and BIL! I thknk they would be happy with that or more but they have never said anything to my DH and I about having children

Re: Do any of you...

Well, last week my SIL had my parents' first grandchild. My mom mentioned to me that she feels bad that she hasn't spoken to SIL yet to thank her for giving her a beautiful granddaughter. (SIL lives out of state)

So, yes, clearly I'm a disappointment.

Re: Do any of you...

Nope. My parents want me and my brothers to be happy - whatever that means to us. They would never be disappointed in me for not having children.

They have 4 beautiful grandchildren - two boys and two girls - from my brothers and their wives. Regardless, though, I have parents who want me to be a happy, fulfilled person and they are not the type would be disappointed if we didn't have children.

I realize not all parents are like this, though, and I don't mean to imply that your parents don't want you to be happy even if they want to have grandchildren... My friend got married two weeks ago and AT THE WEDDING, DURING THEIR FIRST DANCE TOGETHER, her MIL shouted out, "That's right, get to work on my first grandson." I was MORTIFIED for my friend... and she WANTS to have kids right away.

ETA -- I should add that I DO think my MIL will be disappointed, but she hasn't started saying anything on this subject yet. She has 1 grandchild already.

Message edited 3/11/2009 4:14:25 PM.

Re: Do any of you...

My mother is expecting one in a year or so which is ridiculous to me because Im only 23. If I decide to have, it wont be at least for 5-6 years and my mother thinks thats insane, although my teen sister is giving her her first grandchild in 3 months!

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Yes, but my ILs more than my parents.

DH is an only child & my MIL is obssessed with babies. She watches other peoples grandchildren for fun.

I think my mom on the other hand seems to prefer the company of adults, although I think she has saved a few of my things for "my kids" although she would never say it.

I'm not really sure where we stand onthe whole issue so we haven't really discused it with either side of the family.

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My parents have a grandchild from my sister, a 2nd is on the way. My parents mind their own business and would never say anything. I am a disappointment?

My MIL has 3 from my BIL. She used to ask me when I was going to give her another grandchild. I asked her when she was going to marry her boyfriend. Conversation over. If she is disappointed in me or her son, too bad. She has caused us enough heartache, she'll get over it.

Message edited 3/11/2009 5:34:04 PM.

Re: Do any of you...

Oh yeah - I think about it all the time - it's one of the things pushing me to have kids. Neither of my parents are grandparents yet and I am the eldest of four siblings. However, I am the one who is most likely to be the ONLY one to give them grandchildren - so yes, it does bother me

Re: Do any of you...

Posted by mrswask

Oh yeah - I think about it all the time - it's one of the things pushing me to have kids. Neither of my parents are grandparents yet and I am the eldest of four siblings. However, I am the one who is most likely to be the ONLY one to give them grandchildren - so yes, it does bother me

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My parents never make me feel bad, My Inlaws are not ready to be grandparents yet, they told us they wouldnt care if we didn't have kids

My parents have one grandchild and they are not overly crazy about her, my dad see's her once in a blue moon.

My dad defin thinks i am smart for not wanting kids lol

Re: Do any of you...

Posted by munchkinfacemama

Posted by mrswask

Oh yeah - I think about it all the time - it's one of the things pushing me to have kids. Neither of my parents are grandparents yet and I am the eldest of four siblings. However, I am the one who is most likely to be the ONLY one to give them grandchildren - so yes, it does bother me

Jewish guilt? Gotta love it!

Re: Do any of you...

I used to feel guilty, for my in-laws as I'm also married to an only child. But the approach that my MIL takes to getting her way squashed that guilt a long time ago.

The first few times they were with my side of the family and all my nieces and nephews, they didn't seem that enthusiastic about them. They don't ask about them, they don't go out of their way to talk to them or play with them.

DH also spent a lot of time with his grandparents as a kid, on weekends. While his parents were out having a good time (they were very young when they had him).

So, no, I don't feel that bad anymore. I think, even if we had had children, it would be more of a novelty for them.

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Well we do plan on having children in the future BUT to answer the question YES my parents and my in laws would make us feel guilty if we did not.

I know without a doubt my mother would go crazy as would my MIL.

It isnt fair I guess but this is just who they are. Lucky for them we do plan on TTC.

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My mother tries to make us feel bad but we don't. We don't have nor want children now. But in the future we want children.

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Yes.

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My father has made a few comments about wanting grandchildren which made me feel bad for him.
When he made too many comments all in a row I asked if he was babysitting EVERY weekend so he stopped.
My mother has embraced the dogs to spoil.
If my brother gets married, he thinks he wants kids so I think that would make us all happy.
My inlaws have expressed their wants but we shot them down.
My SIL had a baby 6 months ago so I assume we're off the hook w/them for now.

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My mom doesn't bother us about children, and she's never expressed to me that she would be disappointed.

MIL definitely wants more grandkids (she has one granddaughter) and is definitely disappointed that we have not provided any. It used to make me feel horrible, and still does sometimes.

ETA- Donna- having one grandchild seems to have had the opposite effect on MIL. Instead of being satisfied with one, it actually made her even more pushy with us for a while. I don't understand why.

Message edited 3/12/2009 8:30:30 AM.

Re: Do any of you...

My Dad was more upset i wasn't having kids than my mom...but my one brother has 2 boys & a girl so they have 3 grandkids...i actually feel like i am dissappointig my brother more...he always jokes that he'll never be an uncle & his kids won't have any cousins

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our situation is a little different- we want kids, but have to adopt to have them, so it will be a process both sets of parents know this, so they haven't been bugging us too much
BUT- my parents have hinted a little bit here and there-- when my grandmom passed away last year, my dad found a baby blanket she had made for somebody but didn't give it to them- dad gave it to me and said "this is for when you adopt your baby" so i think hes trying to tell us he wants grandkids- LOL
DHs parents haven't really said much- they live 4 hours away so we don't see/talk to them too often. Although Dhs mom said one time " kids take up all of your time" haha guess shes trying to tell us to hold off and enjoy ourselves for now LOL

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my parents have 8 grandkids already since i come from such a big family!

my parents are very content with their GCs and would never pressure us AT ALL. my mom was the one telling us to wait as loooong as possible before having kids.

my DH's father is the one who seems to think if i don't have babies yesterday, my eggs are gonna shrivel up and die. he has 5 GCs already too--but they are out of state and he thinks its our JOB to give him a GC.

he can go scratch.

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Since our situation is different, due to infertility, I feel like I am disapointing them but they don't feel that way. They understand what we are going through. My IL's are long gone, so no worries from them! Besides, my only sibling has 4 of her own..so my parents are busy with them all the time. They'd love for us to give them some grandkids too, but there is no pressure at all.