Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

DS is two and let's just say he's a handful...

We've reached the point of not being able to go anywhere for any extended length of time because he will make a scene.

We were in Ikea this weekend, for example, and within 10 minutes he was yelling that he wanted to go home. 20 minutes in, he was meandering in between the rug displays and we almost lost him multiple times

DH is of the philosophy that he is 2 years old and we just have to push through these "terrible twos". He uses distraction, e.g. puts DS on his shoulders, gives him food treats, etc.

I am all for the distraction, but I also feel like we need to insist that he behave himself. Right now he is running the show, and he knows full well what he is doing. I am more inclined to use time outs and to remove privileges when he misbehaves. But DH feels that I am being too harsh.

Meanwhile, our lives are very limited and I am not happy about it

Thoughts?

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

DS is the same age as yours and he is a nightmare to shop with. We mostly try to distract him but when he's really being bad (like when he's yelling just to yell as soon as we enter a store), we have started to discipline him and I do see it working a little. I try to keep him as entertained as possible to head off tantrums but once the tantrum occurs, he's getting a time out. Our problem was that we both flip flop on making excuses for him and were being inconsistent. We're trying to get more on the same page now and I think it helps.

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

dh and i amazing have the same discipline strategies... however certain other people do not and like to tinker with them.... the general ruling for us is that since i am the one who is with him basically 24/7, that i am the one who lays the down the law....


i hate having the use incetives to keep ds distracted while out.... so i try to avoid it, but my mother constantly caters to it and it drives me nuts... if he grabs, lets say, a book off a rack, she buys it for him... i have tried many times to get her to stop but i cant get it through her head

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

I feel your pain, my dd is the same way....

sometimes DH thinks I am too hard on her and when I lighten up, he says I am not strict enough

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

I am too strict and DH has absolutely nothing to do with anything related to discipline.

It use to drive me insane, now I just deal with it. He is fun dad...they are out right now together having a fun time somewhere...dh had a monster for a father and doesn't have any clue where the line is between care and abuse, so he avoids it all together.

Josh has been spanked a handful of times...but not in awhile and never in front of dh or even when dh is home. He would not be able to handle it.

I feel like moms are wrong either way. too strict I am told by my dh, but at the same time josh can go anywhere at anytime and listen...he wasn't just born that way. so we are expected to have good kids that listen without being too harsh.

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

wanted to add:
I know you guys are doctors...is Jonah still on meds for asthma?

DH brings up the meds non stop as an excuse if josh is acting loopy or not going to sleep.

Wondering if you dh is the same?

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

As the poster above me said(Kelly) I think one of the biggest helps against misbehaving kids is having yourself organized and planning. I always have snacks, books, toys etc. I do hand my kids toys in the boxes) to play with in Target while i shop. I will also hand them shoes or whatever. However my kids are younger than yours so not sure how this will work when they are at toddler age

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

DH is definitely the easier parent, especially when I realized I had had enough and DS was getting away with murder.

Generally, I am the one who handles discipline, and since DS only sees DH on weekends and very short spurts during the week, this works okay. DH was not into doing timeouts, until I finally told him he is definitely old enough to get it and I was about to lose my mind, I had to do something. Though when he saw timeouts working, he stopped poo-pooing them and asked me how to do one.

We both agree in terms of the way we speak to DS--we might sound angry, but we do try not to yell too much. Also no hitting. And we do try to pick our battles and not tell him no constantly as long as no one is getting hurt and safety is not at stake.

But my patience wears thin faster, probably because I'm a SAHM and with him more. DH is a master of distraction.

Re: Do you and your DH differ in your expectations / discipline strategies?

My DH was a pushover with Ava for a long time. I explained to him over and over again that there needed to be some sort of consequence for her behavior, but he never really listened and would just let it go.
Finally, he'd had enough because when I would discipline her, she'd listen and correct the behavior, but was still a nightmare for him. I think that me going ahead and doing what I knew was right really showed him how wrong he was. NOW, he's the tougher of the two of us I never would have seen that coming! I think for him, seeing was believing.
How can you argue with something that works. So, my advice is to put into place a method for disciplining your son, follow through, etc., and when it's his turn to discipline, let him do his thing. Our kids are so smart, they know exactly what each person expects of them, so I really think he will learn that you mean business and daddy's a pushover, so your husband will see for himself. I'm not normally a fan of not sticking together as parents, but your son is so young that he will not understand that you two are at odds over this. he'll just know you mean business and daddy doesn't