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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
DH and I were talking about this the other night as we are getting closer to his surgery.
We were talking about how up until this point, we didn't really "need" a will, but being pregnant we now need to discuss who would get custody of the baby.
And we have NO IDEA who that would be. My sister has MS and is not a good choice. His brother is not someone I would leave my child to and I'm not sure our parents make sense long-term.
Morbid subject, but I'm curious how everyone is approaching it.
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Posted 2/8/07 12:21 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
my BIL & his FI. Secondary guardian is DHs cousin. My family is scattered all over the world, and as much as I'd love to name my cousin in Englad the guardian, she works 3 jobs & is neevr home...A baby would totally disrupt her life.
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| Posted 2/8/07 12:23 PM |
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MrsBlueSash
Love my sailor
Member since 6/05 5793 total posts
Name:
Christian
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
we have talked about this because we are duel military and you have to fill out dependant care forms. it will be my SIL and her husband.
Message edited 2/8/2007 12:41:41 PM.
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| Posted 2/8/07 12:26 PM |
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Gumpslilqtpie
Living the DREAM!!!
Member since 7/06 2646 total posts
Name:
Kimmer
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Even though it's a morbid topic you are correct in that it should be discussed. We have not yet ourselves talked about it but we will soon.
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| Posted 2/8/07 12:31 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
I am going to get on a GIANT soapbox here. I used to work for a law firm that did estate law and it is VERY important to have a will for your child.
They also strongly advised against choosing any grandparents as guardians.
We are choosing my sister. Even though she is not totally financially stable, we have investments that will help her with that, as well as DH's pension. Also, my parents would help her as much as possible.
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| Posted 2/8/07 12:39 PM |
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
We are going to ask my brother and sister in law. They are in good shape financially, and are good people.
It really is something I hate to think about, though. 
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| Posted 2/8/07 1:00 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
We want the baby to stay up here (my in laws are in Florida)... Right not we are naming my mother and step father (b/c they are both very young)...
After that- we'd have to revisit...
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| Posted 2/8/07 1:02 PM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
My mom and my dad. Both are very young and I know that I do not have to worry.
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| Posted 2/8/07 1:03 PM |
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gpsyeyes
She's my world!!!
Member since 8/06 1184 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
We will be designating my sister & her husband. They are still young & have raised their two boys ages 20 & 16 extremely well. I wouldn't trust anyone else (other than my mom, but she isn't so young anymore!)
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| Posted 2/8/07 1:04 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Posted by KateDevine
I am going to get on a GIANT soapbox here. I used to work for a law firm that did estate law and it is VERY important to have a will for your child.
They also strongly advised against choosing any grandparents as guardians.
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I agree. No one thinks it's going to happen to them but it does. My mom died suddenly from an accident when I was 8 and my Dad could have just as easily been killed with her.
Guardianship must be clearly stated in a will as well as any other concerns (religious, educational, etc.) the parents would have for the child.
It's also a necessity to have life insurance for both spouses, not just the one who makes more, even on SAHM's. When a parent loses their spouse, it's not just the loss of income but the loss of actual help in raising that child. With families so spread out these days that means hiring additional outside people to help with the children and tasks around the house. The financial concerns are not just limited to loss of income.
It's also very important to keep your will up to date with any changes as circumstances change.
Again, no one thinks it's going to happen to them but it does happen to people. A classmate of mine from high school's DH just died last month (suddenly). She is now a single mom to a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old.
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| Posted 2/8/07 1:14 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
We did not go into details.
We are kind of torn between my BIL, DH's best friend. I am contemplating my own family but they live overseas.
We are sure we will discuss before the delivery.
Another topic on the "to-do" list.
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| Posted 2/8/07 1:20 PM |
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Eleanor
LIF Adult
Member since 2/06 2223 total posts
Name:
Ellie
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
we have discussed this many many times! and still 2+ years after our DS still haven't made a decision. We are not really comfortable with any of our siblings and grandparents would not be good long term.
If we choose friends, I worry about if they will bring my children to family functions and have them be a close part of our families lives.
I would consider my cousin, but would that upset our siblings and parents?
I wish someone could tell me who to choose. What happens if there is no one named? the families fight it out?
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| Posted 2/8/07 1:37 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Posted by Eleanor
What happens if there is no one named? the families fight it out?
Yes, it can result in a custody battle or in even worse cases, if no family members come forward, children are put into the foster care system.
No way would I want to put a child of any age through either.
Don't worry about who you think you might offend, it's about picking the person who you feel would best raise your child according to your wishes. There is always going to be someone who will criticize your decision no matter who you choose.
Many people feel family is best but sometimes they aren't. If situations change with the person you designate you can always update your will and change guardianship.
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| Posted 2/8/07 1:45 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Also, you should name an alternate guardian in the event that something happens to the 1st guardian named.
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| Posted 2/8/07 2:00 PM |
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want2beamom
Love my boys soooo much!!!
Member since 8/06 10164 total posts
Name:
True love doesn't end with happily ever after...
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
My parents. They are very young, and we trust them completely. They have the same values as us.
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| Posted 2/8/07 5:08 PM |
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Honestly, I have absolutely no idea. My parents aren't too young (and divorced) and my sister and I don't agree on anything. His family aren't candidates either so that leaves friends. I think close friends of ours.
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| Posted 2/8/07 6:00 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Another thing to think about is that if your child has god parents, the god parents could be awarded custody not who is in the Will. I saw a couple stories about this on a news magazine show and it was a battle, but ultimately the god parents won custody.
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| Posted 2/8/07 6:04 PM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
My sister will be the legal guardian. She is 5 years older than I am but at the moment is the only person I would chose.
We are asking friends to be Godparents.
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| Posted 2/8/07 6:05 PM |
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want2beamom
Love my boys soooo much!!!
Member since 8/06 10164 total posts
Name:
True love doesn't end with happily ever after...
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Posted by Summerrluvv
Another thing to think about is that if your child has god parents, the god parents could be awarded custody not who is in the Will. I saw a couple stories about this on a news magazine show and it was a battle, but ultimately the god parents won custody.
Are you positive about this? What about when your children each have different godparents? And who would get the custody, the godmother or the godfather?
I really hope this isnt true. Does anyone know?
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| Posted 2/8/07 7:19 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Posted by want2beamom
Posted by Summerrluvv
Another thing to think about is that if your child has god parents, the god parents could be awarded custody not who is in the Will. I saw a couple stories about this on a news magazine show and it was a battle, but ultimately the god parents won custody.
Are you positive about this? What about when your children each have different godparents? And who would get the custody, the godmother or the godfather?
I really hope this isnt true. Does anyone know?
Well, I'm certainly not not making it up. ;) I watched an entire news show about it. The godparents COULD be awarded custody, I didn't say they automatically are awarded it. In the specific cases on TV, the naming of the godparents superceded the Will.
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| Posted 2/8/07 7:52 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
Posted by Summerrluvv
Well, I'm certainly not not making it up. ;) I watched an entire news show about it. The godparents COULD be awarded custody, I didn't say they automatically are awarded it. In the specific cases on TV, the naming of the godparents superceded the Will.
I would think that would be in the case of the named guardian being unfit. 
We were very lax about deciding because it was a hard choice. In the end, we picked the people that we had similar beliefs & similar styles in raising children. We told the other family members & gave everyone a copy of the will.
I agree that it's not about who is going to be hurt or trying to avoid it, it's about who you want to take care of your child. There will always be hurt feelings.
You can talk to the person you want as guardian without telling the family members who are going to be upset. You can write the other familiy members letters explaining your choice if you can't bring yourself to tell them.
Message edited 2/8/2007 10:51:11 PM.
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| Posted 2/8/07 10:50 PM |
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Karebaby
Precious
Member since 10/06 5304 total posts
Name:
Karyn
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
I would say my parents. My SIL would be a good choice, but she's got 4 of her own, and they want more. So I don't think my daughter would get enough attention from them.
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| Posted 2/8/07 11:04 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: Do you know who would be your child's guardian?
We were just talking about this last night. My brother passed away and DH's brothers are not fit to raise a child. I think we may ask our close friends. Its going to be a hard decision!
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| Posted 2/10/07 7:04 AM |
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