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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
I have a friend who is in a very volitile and abusive relationship. The guy is a super control freak who is trying to dominate every facet of my friends life. He freaks out on her if she works late, he freaks out on her if she visits or speaks to her friends/family. He literally held her car hostage at his house for three weeks and she was forced to call the cops to get it back. He is very, very dangerous and says the most demeaning/dehumanizing things to her. For some reason she can't/won't break away from him and is afraid of what he'll do if she does try to call things off. He's even stalked her at the train station, freaking out and screaming as she was getting on the train to work. I'm very, very afraid for her. It's like she's not her and she won't get away from him. He's told her on more than once that one day she'll just "disappear". I'm serious, how can you MAKE someone open their eyes and see the danger they are living in? Is there an intervention we can do or something?? I feel like my hands are tied
Message edited 3/28/2006 5:03:19 PM.
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Posted 3/28/06 10:45 AM  |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
I know you are not going to like what I have to say.
They leave the abusers when they are ready, and not a moment before. I have never seen an intevention work. 
I'm sorry.  I hope she leaves him. 
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| Posted 3/28/06 11:05 AM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
I know you are right but I asked her last night.."What is it going to take for you to leave him? What is going to be your breaking point?" and she didn't say anything. My heart is breaking right now.
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| Posted 3/28/06 11:06 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Is she living with the guy? Does she think she has no where to go if she breaks if off? Do you think she would be in a better position to leave him if she had a plan of what she would do?
Sorry to hear this - it's hard to watch people you care about go through things like this 
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| Posted 3/28/06 11:47 AM |
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jilmadison
Another on the way!
Member since 3/06 1267 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
This is terrible, she needs help, why dont you go to her parents?
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| Posted 3/28/06 12:00 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Unfortunately you can't make someone open their eyes and see what it really going on. I have a friend in a similar situation...she's a smart, hardworking, sensible woman but when it comes to her husband, she just won't follow through with leaving.
I think the best thing to do is talk to her and offer her as much support as you can. Tell her that you will help her in anyway possible and that you are always there for her, no matter what. She has to get to the point of leaving or she will just go back. I hope she finds her strength and way soon
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| Posted 3/28/06 12:22 PM |
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LIFamilies
Thanks for the memories DAD!
Member since 5/05 2267 total posts
Name:
LI
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
This is one of the charities we support. They are very helpful to people in these circunstances!
http://sccadv.org/
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| Posted 3/28/06 12:32 PM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Posted by jilmadison
This is terrible, she needs help, why dont you go to her parents?
Her family is in the know about the situation and have tried to reason with her. Her father was emotionally abusive towards her mother so it seems like it's a repeat pattern. Plus he's limiting/blocking her time and interaction with her family.
She is not living with him per say but when she does visit him, she's a virtual prisoner in his home. If he wants to go to the store, he'll alarm the house so she can't get out. He's also forced his way into her apartment when she's told him to leave. I just spoke with a friend of hers before and the situation is even worse than she lead on
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| Posted 3/28/06 12:40 PM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Posted by LIFamilies
This is one of the charities we support. They are very helpful to people in these circunstances!
http://sccadv.org/
Thanks Ron. There is a list on the site that asks questions of you to see if you are abused. She can answer about seven of them with a YES...it's very serious
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| Posted 3/28/06 12:45 PM |
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LIFamilies
Thanks for the memories DAD!
Member since 5/05 2267 total posts
Name:
LI
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Posted by Ambersmom
Posted by LIFamilies
This is one of the charities we support. They are very helpful to people in these circunstances!
http://sccadv.org/
Thanks Ron. There is a list on the site that asks questions of you to see if you are abused. She can answer about seven of them with a YES...it's very serious
Have her call the hotline and speak with someone. They are absolutely wonderful. Very helpful and supportive.
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| Posted 3/28/06 12:47 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Posted by LIFamilies
This is one of the charities we support. They are very helpful to people in these circunstances!
http://sccadv.org/
This organization, along with its Nassau County counterpart, is amazing and does truly incredible work. I would def start with a call to them.
I am so sorry for your friend
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| Posted 3/28/06 1:49 PM |
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sn00k4
LIF Infant
Member since 3/06 66 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Oh my god, that's terrible. Unfortunately there seems to be a pattern of violence. Hopefully she'll become aware that she doesn't deserve this type of treatment.
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| Posted 3/28/06 2:06 PM |
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tray831
Dee-licious!
Member since 3/06 5355 total posts
Name:
His Baby
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
How long have they been together? How old are they both?
The fact that he puts the alarm on so she is literally a prisoner in her own home scares the **** outta me.........?????
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| Posted 3/28/06 4:33 PM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Posted by tray831
How long have they been together? How old are they both?
The fact that he puts the alarm on so she is literally a prisoner in her own home scares the **** outta me.........?????
It's actually HIS house. She'll go there let's say on a Friday night to stay over/watch a movie. The next morning she'll wake up, he's gone and he's set the alarm. He KNOWS she doesn't have the password, so she's a virtual prisoner. That's not the worst of it. A few Sunday nights ago, he forced his way into her apartment and practically held her hostage there. She was crying because she's on the verge of getting fired. He wouldn't let her leave until she promised him that she would love him forever. She's terrified but at the same time, won't leave him. He was waiting for her last night when she got home and started shoving her around, calling her a W!ore because she had on lipstick. He is a 38 year old divorcee who owns his own business. She is a 35 year old professional who works in the city. I've never seen her this way before
Message edited 3/28/2006 5:03:43 PM.
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| Posted 3/28/06 4:42 PM |
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tray831
Dee-licious!
Member since 3/06 5355 total posts
Name:
His Baby
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Wow, they sure aren't 21. He needs desperate help. He must have had some serious, serious trust issues in his past whether it was personal friends or family relationships that is causing him to be this way.
And to sacrifice her job by not letting her go.......thats just absolutely INSANE! And needs promising that he's loved???
I know......at times like this, you wish you knew a hitman, right? LOL
But on a more serious note, I truly wish your friend can get the courage to get the hell outta there. I see he has pushed her like you said and shoved her.........that will lead to him hitting her? Has he even done that before??
Once you get enough posts on this thread, maybe you can print it out and try to see if she will be allowed to meet you for lunch or dinner one day and show her this.
SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS NOT LOVE!!!! 
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| Posted 3/28/06 4:55 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Posted by baghag
I know you are not going to like what I have to say.
They leave the abusers when they are ready, and not a moment before. I have never seen an intevention work.
I'm sorry. I hope she leaves him.
I agree, Rebecca- so sad...
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| Posted 3/29/06 4:53 PM |
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princess99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3944 total posts
Name:
ME
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
I was once in an emotionally abusive relationship before I met my DH. She has to want to get out , you can talk her till she is blue in the face, if she is not ready she is not going to leave him. I would tell her parents your concerns and let her know u will be there for her no matter what. .
You are a good friend . many hugs to u and your friend. Feel free to FM mail me. Sorry if this sounds harsh. HTH
Message edited 3/29/2006 5:16:50 PM.
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| Posted 3/29/06 5:16 PM |
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Wendy1220
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 2004 total posts
Name:
wendy
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
From everything you've said; she experiencing a lot more than emotional abuse. This guy is extremely abusive and I'm willing to be it's worse than the shoving she told you about. Please keep in mind that it's easy for someone not in the situation to say that it's easy to get out or the person is crazy for staying. She is probably scared to death that he will follow through w/his threats if she leaves him and it is a fact that the most dangerous time for a battered woman is when she leaves the situation. Any one of us could find ourselves in an abusive relationship, it is not an indication of education level, age, economic status, etc.
Please encourage your friend to reach out for help and assure her that you are there to support her but at the same time, remind her that you are concerned for her safety. There is quite a bit of help available to her, the first step is for her to learn what is available to her. Once she has that info, it will help her begin to make her move.
Hope I was able to help.
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| Posted 3/29/06 10:30 PM |
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reggie
I love my boys!!
Member since 5/05 8044 total posts
Name:
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Re: Does anyone have any advice on emotional abuse?
Posted by shamrock12472
Unfortunately you can't make someone open their eyes and see what it really going on. I have a friend in a similar situation...she's a smart, hardworking, sensible woman but when it comes to her husband, she just won't follow through with leaving.
I think the best thing to do is talk to her and offer her as much support as you can. Tell her that you will help her in anyway possible and that you are always there for her, no matter what. She has to get to the point of leaving or she will just go back. I hope she finds her strength and way soon
Me too!!
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| Posted 3/31/06 5:26 PM |
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