Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

I have such issue with my husband. Every time I just walk in another room, I expect that Megan is being watched. Not constantly like shes a baby (shes 4) but watched..occasionally interacted with. But its like he just sits there.I never hear him talking to her..just talking, teaching, playing, NOTHING. Hes quick to reprimand and chastise but thats it.

Tonight I was doing the dishes. I go in the living room where they were for all of 15 minutes and its turned upside down. I am all for playing but for example, all her princesses dresses were off and scattered on the floor. And they were like just thrown around the room. Why not tell her not to do that? Why not help her dress them again? I know hes a man and a man may not want to play with dolls but its like hes just vacant. When I go in and get upset and start cleaning up..he just sits there. When I ask him what went on, he basically says nothing.

I just feel like he thinks hes a babysitter and not a parent. Ive spoken to him so many times about it but no progress is ever made. Is this just a man thing? Are any other husbands like this?

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

I don't know that its a "man" thing, though I do think there may be plenty of men guilty of it.

There are times when DH can totally tune them out (especially since he works from home and gets caught up in that) and times when I've come back into a room and wondered what bomb went off in the short time I was gone. But DH is a very involved dad and does interact with the kids: playing, cooking, taking them places, storytime at bed, etc.

What kind of relationship do they have? Do they do anything for fun thats just the two of them? Does he share in the responsibility of taking care of her?

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

Wow. I wish I could say I sympathize and understand, but I don't!

Like Lisa said, I think they need a special activity to do without you. Something that will force them to interact and enjoy each other.

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

No, my DH is just as involved and a parent as I am. Maybe becuase he was home alone with them for 4 hours a day from birth? I don't know but maybe getting them an activity they can do together would help.

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

My husband does both. Sometimes he ignores them, sometimes he plays with them. I do the same thing. I don't think anything is really a "man" thing. .

We all raise children in our own way - and that includes parents. If you interact with her on a regular basis (playing with her), then I see no issue with having her get time to play independently - which is also an important skill.

I agree that they should have their own activity, whether it be his job to read books to her or play sports.

I know when my kids were younger I was upset that DH wouldn't interact with them as much as I wanted him too. It took some time for me to come to the understanding that he is parenting them but different than the way I parent them. I did have a conversation at one point that now was the time to play with them because once they're a teenager, they're going to want to be with their friends. It did hit home but I don't think that's what sparked it. I think when the kids started stepping up & asking him to play, he did. Now he asks them to help cook, etc. so that's their activity.

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

I had a similar conversation w/ my DH this week. If I was out of the room he'd be on the couch, on his computer or watching TV & they'd be on the floor playing, but he was not interacting at all w/ them. Or if I'm downstairs doing laundry, same thing, I'll come back & every toy imaginable will be on the floor.

I just don't get get how he can be sitting there, but not playing/talking, etc.

He's fast to reprimand though

When we talked last night we agreed to not use our computers at all until the kiddos were in bed (it seemed to be taking away our time w/ the kids, as well as our time w/ e/o).

Lots of to you; I feel your pain.

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

Posted by SweetCin

I had a similar conversation w/ my DH this week. If I was out of the room he'd be on the couch, on his computer or watching TV & they'd be on the floor playing, but he was not interacting at all w/ them. Or if I'm downstairs doing laundry, same thing, I'll come back & every toy imaginable will be on the floor.

I just don't get get how he can be sitting there, but not playing/talking, etc.

He's fast to reprimand though

When we talked last night we agreed to not use our computers at all until the kiddos were in bed (it seemed to be taking away our time w/ the kids, as well as our time w/ e/o).

Lots of to you; I feel your pain.

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

He is great with them now that they are older. When they were newborns/infants he was scared sh1tless of them.

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

I think we're both guilty of doing both.
He definitely interacts with them and often "plays" more than I do b/c he can easily let household stuff go while I am obsessive about the house and chores.
He does let them make huge messes and not clean up which drives me crazy but if I look at the big picture he's a really involved dad and really good with them.

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

I agree we're both guilty of this at times. But we both also play a lot with them. But we have a different situation. He was home all day with Ava for almost three years and now he's home all day with Chase, so he's their primary care giver all day and I'm their primary care giver all night. So it's not fair to compare because my hubby is home all day with Chase and was with Ava, so his relationship is quite different with the kids than I suspect most dad's are.
But it doesn't matter what our hubbies do, you're upset and that's all that matters. I don't know what the answer is, but I think that maybe you need to give him more responsibility with her and maybe that relationship with evolve a bit. Give him things to do with her that he HAS to interact with her. Like giving her a bath. That's the perfect time for him to not be able to ignore her.

Re: Does your husband interact and parent or just "babysit"

I interact with my DC a lot. Maybe DH can find an activity that he really enjoys, that DC can be involved with (preferably without power tools...). Most kids don't care what they're doing, as long as they are doing it with Daddy. Even shoveling snow is fun, if they are out with Daddy, and they don't have to shovel too much (I usually try to do at least half the shoveling myself.... ).