Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

Let me just give you a little history here. I had my first child (boy) when I was 19yrs old. I had a good job, but was still living at home. The father and I were not together. Throughout that time, my mom grew to dislike him very much even though I hoped & prayed one day we would be friends for our sons sake..which we are now (once my son turned 10) and I am grateful for. We really do have a good relationship..however..during the time my son was growing up my mom used to say things to him like "do you want me to smack mommy?" or just show him in general not to listen to me. After a while I got fed up with that..and started telling her something. I went through alot living there and eventually ended up moving out. My son and I went through alot..and unfortunately he saw WAY too much from my family. I have forgiven them since then..but I haven't forgotten. I can't even get into detail about what was done..because it makes me sad and angry.

Fast forward to the present....my son is 16 and I am expecting my 2nd child. My mom has offered to take care of her. BUT...recently my mom came to visit and she mentioned something to the fact of smacking my daughter, because she was saying if she comes out like me..she'll have to smack her around and say "I dare you to tell your mother" Mind you..my mom goes around telling everyone how she never hit us...yeah RIGHT!

Now here's the thing.. I was joking around w/my DH and she got involved. I just looked at her and said there will be no hitting of our child!! She proceeded to smack me in my head and I got VERY angry!! I'm 35 years old...and the placing of her hands on me is NOT funny or cool....mother or not. Now I know it was wrong but I hit her back..(not hard), but in a joking way..and she didn't say anything. I mean sometimes she says things and plays around just a little too much and after having gone through what I have in the past..I don't want to tolerate it anymore. I love my mom...but if this is how she is going to be with my daughter, I'd rather have someone else take care of her.

Am I wrong???

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

My mom is not living so I can't speak from experience but it seems that your mom took on a VERY motherly role to your son since you were young when you had him. Maybe she still thinks of you as 19 years old having another baby.

You need to talk to her about it. Otherwise I would go with someone else to watch the new baby.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

Sorry but it sounds like she is overstepping. And it is NEVER OK to "play hit." Furthermore if you do not want to discipline your child in that way it is none of her business IMO.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

No she does not. She knows her boundaries.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

My mom oversteps but in a differnet way than yours. We have already argued about where my child will be placed for childcare (because isn't that her decision to make? ) And, she is already on her breastfeeding is gross campaign, which only makes me want to breastfeed. She's not a "smacker" though.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

Sorry but after everything you've been through and her "playing around" tactics, I don't think you should allow her to take care of your daughter. If even a hint of doubt crossed my mind that my mother in any way would mistreat my child, that would be the end of story. I think she should definitely keep her hands to herself, playing around or not...

ETA: My mother says things in a joking around way sometimes and I say things to her as well, but there is no "smacking" (whether friendly or jokingly) involved.

Sorry you're dealing with this...

Message edited 4/16/2007 3:22:38 PM.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

My mom is the best..but I have plenty of friends who have mothers who still try to run the show..I dont know how they put up with it...My one girlfriend and I dont speak any more and a lot of it has to do with her mother.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

Posted by Secret4Now

My mom oversteps but in a differnet way than yours. We have already argued about where my child will be placed for childcare (because isn't that her decision to make? ) And, she is already on her breastfeeding is gross campaign, which only makes me want to breastfeed. She's not a "smacker" though.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

I'm actually considering having a heart to heart with her and letting her know how I feel..and I'm SURE she'll be upset..but it has to get done. I am NOT going to have her doing what she did when my son was young.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

Good luck...I am sure this is very difficult for you

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

I don't think you're wrong at all to feel that way and you have a right to stand up for what you believe in even if it means your mom being less involved in caring for your daughter. I have a similiar situation involving my father-- I don't like the comments he makes to me (it's a long history of us having very different viewpoints on life in general) and I'm sooo worried that it will just continue in front of my daughter once she is born. But I will give him the benefit of doubt, and wait and see what happens when she's actually here. If he continues to act like an a**, he will just see her a lot less. I have two younger sisters, one being 15, and sometimes my parents cannot understand that they can't talk or treat me the same way as the 15 year old. They still look at me as a little kid. My mom has been much better about it, but I still feel like they have this attitude that they can "ground me" if I do something they don't like.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

My mom passed away 5 years ago so I can't say how she would have been with me. However, I was lucky enough to watch how she was with my sisters 2 children and she never, ever did anything to undermind my sister's role as a mother. We were never hit growing up and I, personally, do not believe in hitting children. If anyone ever laid a hand on me or my child, joking or not, that person would never be alone with my child again.

Regardless of whether she is your mother, aunt, friend, sister, cousin, or whoever, no one has the right to tell you how you should raise your child regardless of what they did for you in the past. She is overstepping her boundaries and disrespecting your role as a mom. Only you can set her straight.

Re: Does your mom treat you like a child still even though you are a mother??

I think my Mom will forever treat me like a child but having said that, my Mother does respect boundaries and once I say something she respects it (even if she doesn't agree).

I don't know if I still could leave my child with my Mother even after speaking to her. I think her smacking you in the head proves to her it is normal and accepted and whether or not you know it, she will be doing this to your daughter