Don't think...

I've ever wanted anything more than this PG. I'm just catching up on some PG related material and thinking how usually I'm the girl who goes after whatever she wants & usually gets it. This PG thing is completely out of my control and there is nothing I can do about it and it drives me insane I continously think how unfair it is that it comes to some so easily or to those who don't want it or derserve it. I hate to say that or sound mean/rude but thats how I feel. Its not their fault that their fortunate and usually they have no clue "we" exist...struggling loss after loss (sometimes). I see these PG girls & I just want to ask "how did you do it?", "did you have to try for months? Was it an accident?". I'm SO jealous. When will it be our turn?

(vent over)

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Message edited 10/14/2009 4:52:45 PM.

Re: Don't think...

You know what, some people suffer miscarriages and loss, and getting pregnant still comes easily to them. Some women get pregnant really easily and still consistantly lose pregnancies. I understand its frustrating, but I think that you need to start thinking more positively! IMO being angry at others, and begrudging them for being pregnant whether or not they wanted to is not good for you and your own well being.

Only good things to come for you, but start thinking that way!!!

Message edited 10/14/2009 6:48:11 AM.

Re: Don't think...

I completely can relate to how you feel, Heather.

The whole out of control thing drives me nuts! I wish I could put a camera on my belly to see when I'm ovulating and to see if DH's sperm made it okay!! I want to know everything.

I think we do need to take a step back though and just know that it WILL happen for us. I know it's so difficult because we both want it RIGHT now. When it's meant to happen, it will. That is what I keep telling myself. That this MC was supposed to happen because that wasn't supposed to be our first baby and that our baby is still on its way.

Re: Don't think...

It's weird that I feel the same way sometimes. Yet I was the girl that got pregnant so easily, both with my son and with my miscarriage.. And yet I still feel the same way, because I just want it to happen, so I go through so many different types of emotion, and it's normal, it's how we grieve, and we need to be honest with our feelings, its better to let this stuff out then to bottle it in!

Now I know its so clique to say but these things do happen for a reason, that baby just wasn't the perfect baby god was trying to give you. He is working in your favor to bless you and your husband again, and I just hope its sooner rather than later

ETA-- I'm sorry if I offend anyone from saying "it happens for a reason" because I remember seeing that many of you do not like this answer.. But in all honestly if it didn't happen for a reason, then it wouldn't happen at all, is how I feel...

Message edited 10/14/2009 8:22:22 AM.

Re: Don't think...

I feel the same way about the control Heather...I am a control freak and if I want something I do it. That is the most frustrating thing about this....I want it but I can't have it! Well at least it doesn't happen how I want it anyway....
As for others getting pregnant I try not to begrudge their happiness. If a jealous thought comes through my head I try to puch it out because I do not want to be that person...I don't feel good when I have those thoughts but I will admit I do sometimes.

It will come for us. I know it

Re: Don't think...

I'm the same way. All my life, i've been the type of person who will decide what it is I want and then go for it. I'm not very "patient" so once i decide that i need to do something, I do it immediately. This whole pregnancy thing gets frustrating. Even though I decided that i want a baby and immediately got on it, that doesn't guarantee that I'll GET it as soon as I expect to. It's VERY frustrating dealing with something that is out of my control. But I still know that it WILL come. I WILL be a mother, and not just 'someday' but soon. Things always have a way of working themselves out. Looking back at my past experiences, i have found that the things I stressed & worried about ended up working out far better than I had ever imagined. So I do believe that this will be the same. I believe that we ALL will be wonderful mothers very soon.

And you're not wrong at all to feel that way either (about people who ARE pregnant). I think we all kind of think like that from time to time. Almost like "Why do you get a healthy pregnancy and I don't?" It's just human nature to feel that bit of jealousy. But hang in there - it'll be your turn soon.

Re: Don't think...

Jealousy, what a monste! It's one of the tougher emotions you have to deal with. None of us exists in a a vacuum. Inevitably, after your miscarriage (or while you are ttc,) at some point, you will bump into a pregnant woman (or many) or even someone with a baby. For me, seeing that belly or that adorable newborn can trigger real jealousy. No matter how jealous you feel, it does not change the circumstance of your loss.

I always felt that jealousy was a double whammy. First, I feel the jealousy, then I usually feel guilty for feeling jealous. Jealousy always feels a little irrational to me. I guess it's too raw of an emotion. It always makes me uncomfortable. I've certainly experienced my share, especially in relation to my miscarriages.

I think it's very normal to experience feelings of jealousy after a miscarriage. But, give yourself a break . I try to avoid the people or situations that are making me jealous. This didn't work as well for me as I wanted it to because I feel that there are PG women everywhere!! I'm also seeing an RE and am reminded 18 days out of the month when I hear the "I'm pregnant" screams from the waiting room.

I think it's just important to not allow yourself to be consumed by jealousy. I try to put it in perspective like this- no one is having a baby to make me unhappy.

Vent as much as you need to, I'm always here!

Re: Don't think...

It succks not having control over getting pregnant and your body. I, like you, love being in control. It drives me nuts wondering, did I O, what does this cm mean, should I BD tonight, did I BD too much, etc., etc.

As for jealousy, yes I get a pinch of it when I see someone pregnant, or heck when I visit the pregnancy board. But I don't know everyone's story. I haven't walked in their shoes, so I can't begrudge them anything.

In time, it will happen for all us and it will be the greatest moment of our lives.

Re: Don't think...

I really have nothing to add. I agree with you 100%, I have the same feelings right down to the bitter,evil jealousy. (which I tell myself is NOT right)

Re: Don't think...

last year was the worst year of my whole life, my gram died, we buried her on my anniversary, my husbands gram died, we buried her the day before thanksgiving, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy before christmas ( she's fine now).

my bfp was a sign that things were turning around for this year, turns out my m/c happened right around the same time my gram died.

these days, i feel like life's a b*tch, and there's nothing else to it..most everything is out of my control lately, i can't seem to get it together.

like i said in an earlier post, one of my very good friends is pg and i just look at her with disgust, really why her and not me, or vice versa, not that i wish anything bad to happen to her.

btw, i just started tearing up, things must get better.

Re: Don't think...

Re: Don't think...

Everyone pretty much summed it up. This is the one thing no one can control and thats what makes this so hard to deal with because we cant control the outcome. What I learned after the 2nd m/c is...I may not be able to control the outcome but I can control who I am, and grow stronger from this experience even when I am at my ultimate low. sorry for the rambling. I am on the positive thinking mode today. LOL

I agree 100%

Re: Don't think...

I think we should come up with a better word than jealousy. I feel like jealousy is so negative. My brain is so fried, I was going to say envious but that's not any better. Maybe we could make up our own word? It's really an odd situation b/c many times we are so happy for the people who are PG or just had babies but it just brings up our own feelings about the MC. It's not really them, it's us.

Message edited 10/15/2009 7:25:12 AM.

Re: Don't think...

Posted by Siren77

I think we should come up with a better word than jealousy. I feel like jealousy is so negative. My brain is so fried, I was going to say envious but that's not any better. Maybe we could make up our own word? It's really an odd situation b/c many times we are so happy for the people who are PG or just had babies but it just brings up our own feelings about the MC. It's not really them, it's us.