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JenG
Love my little boy!
Member since 6/05 2489 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
about one month ago, my very good friend asked me if i would do a walk with her to raise money for alzheimers, i told her yes. her sister's, her mother and a few other family members are participating as well. well, the walk is tomorrow morning and i emailed her today that i cannot go since my DH is sick with a pretty bad cold, now she is mad at me, saying she knew i would back out. it's not like no one else is going with her..
as little history about my situation: DH had a cancerous brain tumor 2 years ago, had chemo and radiation. since then he does not feel same. he continues to work a full-time job on an overnight shift and he is still on certain medications that can make him tired at times. when he even as so much gets the common cold, it really knocks him out even more and he relies on me for a lot. so i told her that DH was sick and needed me to do some stuf for him tomorow. she is not understading at all and that makes me so angry. am i wrong to be mad?
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Posted 9/13/08 12:08 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
You see - when I FIRST read what you wrote I thought - "Your husband's cold shouldn't stop you..."
But your clarification about the situation made me completely get why you wouldn't be able to go. Maybe she doesn't understand so well?
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| Posted 9/13/08 12:12 AM |
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JenG
Love my little boy!
Member since 6/05 2489 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
Posted by rojerono
Maybe she doesn't understand so well?
oh, she understands, we went through HELL at that time. not to mention....she is my landlord! so she knew what we went through everyday. she was the one i went to when i was stressed, upset, crying, etc. tha'ts why i'm a little annoyed that she is not understanding. i'll get over it
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| Posted 9/13/08 1:09 AM |
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justme4u
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 575 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
I think your friend has a lot of nerve for even saying that she knew you would back out when she knows what you and DH went through. Totally out of line. I would have to either say somethingto her or just not agree to do anything with her anymore.
I have an unmarried childless friend that always offers advice to me about how to raise my kids and compares me to her other friends and their lives and how they do things. We wind up arguing and now our friendship isn't at all nearly what it used to be. She has no clue as to what goes on in my life and the schedule my DH works. Totally not understanding of my particular situatuion, because she isn't in my situation. Sometimes your better off without people that aren't understanding in your life.
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| Posted 9/13/08 6:58 AM |
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
Can I play devils advocate for a minute.....
If your husband is ill a lot and you have broken plans in the past she may feel hurt. I can understand that you can not know how your husband will feel, but if this is an ongoing thing I would also feel upset also. I'm not saying I don't understand the position you're in but friendships also need to be maintained, and she may feel betrayed that plans are broken often and she may feel like she can not depend on you as a friend. This may be very important to her and even if 100 other people were going she still wants YOU there.
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| Posted 9/13/08 9:16 AM |
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JenG
Love my little boy!
Member since 6/05 2489 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
Posted by medic6809
Can I play devils advocate for a minute.....
If your husband is ill a lot and you have broken plans in the past she may feel hurt. I can understand that you can not know how your husband will feel, but if this is an ongoing thing I would also feel upset also. I'm not saying I don't understand the position you're in but friendships also need to be maintained, and she may feel betrayed that plans are broken often and she may feel like she can not depend on you as a friend. This may be very important to her and even if 100 other people were going she still wants YOU there.
i think this might be the 2nd time i cancelled plans with her at the last minute. she can depend on me as a friend, i was there for her during her horrible divorce. but my husband comes first no matter what, i even had to cancel plans with my parents before. yes, friendships do need to be maintained, i definately agree with that. but when you don't know how many more years you will have with your DH, i think she should be a little more understanding. as of today, she still isn't speaking to me
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| Posted 9/13/08 11:24 PM |
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
Posted by JenG
Posted by medic6809
Can I play devils advocate for a minute.....
If your husband is ill a lot and you have broken plans in the past she may feel hurt. I can understand that you can not know how your husband will feel, but if this is an ongoing thing I would also feel upset also. I'm not saying I don't understand the position you're in but friendships also need to be maintained, and she may feel betrayed that plans are broken often and she may feel like she can not depend on you as a friend. This may be very important to her and even if 100 other people were going she still wants YOU there.
i think this might be the 2nd time i cancelled plans with her at the last minute. she can depend on me as a friend, i was there for her during her horrible divorce. but my husband comes first no matter what, i even had to cancel plans with my parents before. yes, friendships do need to be maintained, i definately agree with that. but when you don't know how many more years you will have with your DH, i think she should be a little more understanding. as of today, she still isn't speaking to me
I understand how you feel and I would have done the same thing...I just wanted to throw out another point of view......Is this important to her? I guess if it was breaking plans to go shopping I would say get over it already, but if this is very important and it has been planned for awhile I would also be hurt and not speak to that person. I see both points of view and feel for both of you
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| Posted 9/14/08 8:07 AM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
I think if you wake up that morning and your Dh feels better you should go.. If he is terribly ill and can not take care of himself then do not go and have no guilt whatsoever..
She probably feels she is always there for you and this was very important to her.. Times like this you get blinded by disappointment. I hope she gets over it.. I am sure you are always there for her as well....
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| Posted 9/14/08 8:10 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
To answer the question...
Yes, I hate it when friends dn't understand certain issues in my life.
Are you wrong to be mad? I can't answer that. I do know that I'd be annoyed if a friend called up & said she's cancelling plans because DH has a cold.
I know he was sick previously. I know he relies on you for things when he's sick. A cold to me isn't too bad, unless it's got secondary symptoms.
Putting everything else in perspective. My friend's 4 year old daughter had a brain tumor also. When she gets a cold, she goes about her normal business as much as possible. When she gets a really bad cold with a fever, a sinus infection or a headache, the alarms are flaring & they're off to Schneider's. She's checking her head for a back-up of fluid from the shunt.
I've seen cancer leave survivors & their familes into the shells of people they once were, it changes everything. I don't pretend to know their plight but I do know that I wish I could change it to have the person I knew pre-cancer back. The carefree person that gets stripped of the ignorance we all once had. Maybe that's what she's missing, but I'm sure you're both missing that person.
Message edited 9/14/2008 9:50:34 AM.
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| Posted 9/14/08 9:48 AM |
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
I have a very close friend who has battled mental illness for years and years. its like cancer - she has "remission" and she has the illness come back. Its awful when it does.
That being sad, I know that when she is well and she can be there to do things with me, its a blessing. when she can't, I understand completely. she was a bridesmaid at my wedding. in the back of my head, I always knew there may be a chance she would not be able to make it. Thankfully, she did.
she is not doig so well, and her friend s getting married. She can't come to the wedding, and her friend is so mad at her, telling her she has been there for her through her mental illness, why can't she be there for her for the most important day of her life? 
It made my friend even more depressed. I am beyond p*ssed. I feel is people can't see past themselves, then why be friends with them?
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| Posted 9/14/08 10:26 AM |
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dgtlsunshine
LIF Infant
Member since 12/05 217 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
tell her go kick rocks....i love when people want to be as important as my husband in my life
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| Posted 9/14/08 10:32 AM |
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JenG
Love my little boy!
Member since 6/05 2489 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
thanks everyone for your opinions and point of views. actually my DH wound up getting pretty sick from this cold, has a hight fever and we almost went to the ER, so i am kinda glad i dodn't go. although, i did try to call my firend today to apologize again and she did not answer her phone
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| Posted 9/14/08 9:40 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Don't u hate it when friends are not understanding to certain issues in your life???
Posted by dgtlsunshine
tell her go kick rocks....i love when people want to be as important as my husband in my life
 
ITA. If she's such a good friend, and she's sensitive enough to raise money for another dreaded disease, then she needs to understand that a cold fpr you guys isn't a cold for her. Things are, and always will be different for you, and she needs to get on board & support you instead of reading your changed circumstances for laziness.
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| Posted 9/14/08 10:49 PM |
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