due date in 35 days/will be working mom

I need support. I already broke down more than once over this. I knew this when we were trying to have baby...I think but not sure I knew how true it was, that I would need to work. I always imagined being a stay at home mom. And I thought for a long time that because we live with my inlaws we could swing it with me working part time or not at all but it hasnt worked out that way.

I will be home 3-4 months with baby-depending on when I stop working - the earlier I stop before baby the less time I will have with him.

I also have an additional 4 weeks vacation that I can spread out the remainder of the year.

We live with my in-laws in a 2 family. Overall this arrangement works very well, we get a long great most of the time. Although there are some boundary issues over the years (we've been here about 4-5 years now) many issues have been resolved. We could never afford NY/LI on our own. I don't want to leave NY because my family is here and I am a licensed professional and it would be a pain to switch states.

My husband for many reasons was unemployed up to a year and a half ago -but has since found something he likes and is good at. His job seems to like him too. The pay is ok per hour but the hours are part time. There is no way to increase his hours in the near future at this time.

I like my job a lot. Which helps, since I have to work. We can actually make it with me working part time moneywise but the problem is we need health insurance - which is basically free at my job - as long as I remain full time. My husband's job's insurance is too much money. he has medical issues that needs the health insurance and of course I want baby to have insurance.

So because of this (health insurance, primarily) I need to work. My job is probably more stable than his too even though all si going well with him right now.

I originally wanted a day care. I used to work in day care and I know how well taken care of the babies are/can be in the right setting. I would only be able to afford a at home family day care, not a center from what I've priced so far. I have a few appointments in upcoming weeks. I was thinking of doing day care 3 days and Mother in law 2 days but my mil and my husband recently has strongly been pushing to have baby stay full time with mil, with my husband's schedule, he is come 2-3 hours mid day and baby will be with dad during those hours (supposedly) I worry my mil will take over and even when my husband is home she will be with baby mostly. I know he currently looks forward to this break, he changes into comfty clothes, has a routine surrounding lunch and tv/ runs errands too though...loves babies.. but if the baby is crying 3 hours straight and he wants lunch ... i am sure mil will have him.

I am not positive mil would follow all my rules/wishes but I do believe he would be ultimately loved and safe.
I feel she would use this 'against' me in extended family conversations at holidays with things like "Thank god I am raising her baby, she doesn't even cook!"
I feel I would resent her for taking care of him. Sometimes I feel like she's already my 'husband's wife', now she'll be my son's mom too. I've told her this. The boundaries between her and my hsuband have improved drastically though, so maybe i am wrong to feel this way still.
often she says things like "my baby" and ''I can't wait for my boy to be here" etc I know she doesn't mean anything by it - she calls our cousins in FL her boys - her babies but it irks me and she knows it and still does it.

The arguments for it, is my husband is home mid day- why pay someone when he is home. money. family vs ' stranger', less germs, less time wasted picking him up/dropping off. husband says this way we know he is safe- he can't talk yet - he can't tell us something is wrong at day care. rest of his life he will be in preschool-school.

arguments for day care- trained professionals taking care of baby, I think more attention at day care in some ways because at home MIL will tend to her usual errands, cooking and house cleaning, finding a place i am comfortable with i'm sure I will be happy, he can be with other kids/learn from them.

I guess in the end I know him being with MIL would be fine, but its my own jealousy that makes me not want it to happen. Like she talks about finding Grandma and me classes. and I just feel like I won't be the one raising him.


Sorry this is long. Thanks for reading.

Re: due date in 35 days/will be working mom

Going back to work is extremely tough on a new Mommy and three years later I still find it heart wrenching but I do what I have to do. (Sometimes with a little resentment. I am working on that though.)

That said, it certainly is much easier when your DC is in their own home being cared for by loving family members. You really can't ask for a better situation. They stay in their pajamas when you leave instead of getting in a freezing cold car to daycare. Try to focus on the positive aspects of the situation. And don't borrow tomorrows trouble, today has enough of it's own. Grandma always used to say that.

Happy, Healthy Pregnancy to You.

Re: due date in 35 days/will be working mom

OMG I am in the same boat as you, we live with DH's parents for almost 2 years now. we are trying to save up for a house and my MIL helps with the babysitting when we are both at work if DD is isn't in school. We are expecting DD #2 in 37 days and I am nervous if she can watch the both of them together. I feel I have eyes on me ALL the time. I am tired an cooking dinner at times is the last thing I want to do along with cleaning and doing laundry. I get things done but I find it crazy to clean EVERY SINGLE DAY according to her. I work 40 hours a week and take care of a 2.5 year old and is 34 wks pregnant. I do get some remarks from her in the past, we have our moments when we can tolerate one another. I cannot wait to get our own home but it makes me nervous that we will be struggling to pay for child care for two kids because she said she won't babysit once we leave. I don't want DH to get another Job to make up for the share I bring home from my job. I don't make much and thats still with a degree.

Re: due date in 35 days/will be working mom

What if you started out with MIL watching the baby but also checked out daycares as a backup? That way, if you're not happy with the set-up and you feel MIL is too pushy you have something else in the back of your mind. Nothing is set in stone. You can always change your mind.