Elderly Parents

I take care of my elderly/sick parents. I've got nobody to help me because one brother is useless and the other one is sick (brain tumor). Long story short, my dad wasn't feel well all day yesterday (they live around the corner from me) and I kept calling to see how he's doing.

I called a bunch of times today and no one answers. Sent my DH over, but nobody answers the door and the gates are locked. He goes back to our house, gets their house keys, goes back over there, and my parents were just coming home from being with another couple who took them for a quick drive.

I was worried sick. I hate when something like this happens. All I could think of was that he'd find them dead or something. I hate this sometimes. I couldn't wait for him to call me back and tell me what was going on.

Okay, vent over.

Re: Elderly Parents

I totally feel your pain. I'm sorry you were so worried.

We went through the same thing with my grandmother. She was 94 at the time and we couldn't reach her for a few days no matter what time we called her (we were here in NY she was down in FL). Finally she returned our call and told us that we shouldn't worry and that she had gone to the SPA for a few days with friends! Ugh!

Re: Elderly Parents

Why can't they just tell us? Is it so hard to pick up the phone as say, we're just running out for a little, don't worry.

Re: Elderly Parents

I really think it's all about independence and not wanting to be a burden. Also, I know they always say, "Don't worry about us" but does that really mean that they think we don't worry? I just don't get it. Do your parents have a cell phone? I think that might help your situation a little so you can call them where ever they are.

Re: Elderly Parents

Re: Elderly Parents

I completely hear you! I work in a place where I get no cell service, so my phone is off all throughout the day. So, I turn on my phone Friday as I'm leaving work. It's the VA in Albany...no emergency they're just worried about my Dad because he hasn't answered the phone when they call plus he hasn't checked in with his Satellite nursing service for more than 13 days.
I'm freaking out...(one time I had to call Columbia County 911 from down here because my Dad went into diabetic shock while on the phone with me...) So..I call him and he answers. I'm instantly relieved and tell him about the call I received from the VA...he's says..."I'm training them not to call so early in the morning while I'm sleeping!" WTH!!! Have you EVER heard of returning the phone call so your Daughter 3 hrs away doesn't have a heart attack!

Re: Elderly Parents

My dad had to do the samething with his mother. She would give him a nickel to go to the bakery for milk and bread...in 1990. This went on for a good 10 years, he was at her beckon call and always felt responsible. When she reached 96, he put her in a home cause she had full blown alzheimer's. She died 3 years later....

Fortunatly or unfortunately depending on your view, I will never have this problem cause my parents died young.

BUT if you ever nead me to get your parents milk and bread...I only charge a nickel! Also, I was really good at pushing grandma through the grocery store at a rapid pace, otherwise I would still be standing in the produce section today! I also answer to any relatives name...I will fax you my resume!


Hope my life story gave you a good laugh...cause I find it ! You will be fine!

Re: Elderly Parents

I know, they want their independence, but come on now. My father has a heart condition, my mother well she's in fairly good health, but she had knee replacement which didn't do well for her and she's always falling. So come on, give me a break and let me know you are going out.

As for a cell phone.............well they have one...........BUT THEY NEVER KEEP IT ON

Oh is this what it means to be a parent to your parent? I'm not going to do this to my kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Elderly Parents

My parents are in AZ! I feel your pain. Currently I'm making some plans to bring them back to NY so I can keep an eye on them. They are in their 70's and I don't want to wait until they get sick. It will be very hard for me to watch them from AZ!

Can you get them a cell phone?

Eta: Oh I didn't see your last post.

Message edited 7/31/2006 1:31:10 PM.

Re: Elderly Parents

The whole cell phone thing is ridiculous!

My father had a triple bypass a few years ago. He's 70 now. He has a cell phone but leaves it in the car when he goes to take walks on the beach. HELLO!?!?! How is that going to help him???

(He's a retired doctor - you would think he would understand the need for communication in emergencies!)

Re: Elderly Parents

Thank u girls. I knew I wasn't alone, but it feels good hearing your stories too.

To each and every one of you

Re: Elderly Parents

My mother never leaves her cell phone on. Then she wonders why nobody calls. She also never checks caller ID at home and says we never call. UM, we can check that nowadays ya know!

Dealing with elderly parents is incredibly difficult. We lost our 78 year old father last year to Alzheimers as well as a multitude of physical/medical issues the likes of which I would not wish upon anyone.

My mother is turning 75 this winter and she herself is not at the top of her game. She is quite overweight and has every possible weight-related health issue one can think of. She shows no inclination to improve her health despite years of encouragement from her children. Since Dad passed, she has also lost a lot of will and does not necessarily see her children (and grandchildren) as incentives to change. There will be no epiphanies.

During the 9 month period when my father was dying, my mother joined him in the hsopital for a month to have her own surgery - triple bypass heart surgery. the 4 kids in my family were running from one wing of the hospital to another with mom saying "Make sure they give Dad every chance." Needless to say, it was rough.

About 7 weeks before my wedding this past Feb, my mother broke her back during a trip out of town. We werent sure if she would make it to the wedding, much less walk again - she can walk now but it is labored and extremely hard. There are other issues as well - she is terrified to be alone and her health and physical limitations make it so that she cannot be as independent as she would like to be (She has live-ins and cannot drive).

I always knew that my parents were older than those of my peers. I always knew that I would lose my parents before everyone else. But it is grueling and heartbreaking to watch a deterioration of two once very vital people. it can take everything out of a person. Yes, there are 4 of us to care for Mom now but we are all so different in handling this. She is different too. We have our roles (health care proxy, power of attorney, etc.) but none of them are easy.

Sorry so long. It is hard to constantly vent to DH all the time. It depresses everyone.

Re: Elderly Parents

Goldi, I feel your pain, honestly I do. My parents are older than my peers as well and it isn't an easy life. Not for me or anyone else whose parent's are older. As I said in my original post, my one brother is useless and my other one has medical issues so I am by myself withone to help me. My DH helps as much as he can and I have two children as well. It isn't easy. You have siblings that you can count on, HOLD ON TO THEM FOR DEAR LIFE. They will be your lifeline. Hold strong darling. If you don't have each other, you don't have anything. Keep them close to your heart and know that you are one lucky lady to have support from your siblings.

I'm not saying it is easier.........No WAY, it is never easy, but hold on to them. They will help you through all your trials with your mom.

If you need anything, I am here for you to vent or anything else.