Estranged relationship with SK

Long story short, my SK (19) has done unforgiveable things to me and DH. DH has been able to forgive him but, I can't. I gave up alot for this kid and I have a lot of resentment torwards him. I'm at the point that when he comes over to see DH, I leave. Anyone else in a situation like this?

Also, DH doesnt understand why I just can't let it go.

Re: Estranged relationship with SK

My DSS is 14, so I am not quite in your situation. At times things have been very very difficult but he is a child and I keep that in mind. He doesn't understand how hurtful his actions can be, even if we think he knows, he doesn't truly know - he is a child.

I don't know what your DSS has done, but at only 19 he is still very much a child and has obviously had to deal with difficult things as a child. Any breakup and then subsequent remarriage, even under the BEST of circumstances is hard on a child.

I would be inclined to forgive your DSS, not necessarily forget but forgive; give him a chance to start again, teach him how to treat others by being an example for him. I know it is hard, but we are the ones that they have to learn from and if we don't teach them forgiveness who will they learn it from?

Re: Estranged relationship with SK

thank you the response. unfortuantely i've given him several chances and at 19 he should know right from wrong. Im tired of getting slapped in the face.

Re: Estranged relationship with SK

Its a tough situation. At 19 I do agree that he knows right from wrong but I at that age they're pretty selfish. It may be best to atleast have a cordial relationship where you can atleast be in the same room and maybe little by little you can work on repairing your relationship. I'm not in the same exact situation but I can def relate.

Re: Estranged relationship with SK

it depends on your reasons behind it. Only you can judge if it has been extreme situations where the relationship cannot be fixed. Have you spoken to you DH an explained how hurt you are? Has he addressed the issues with your SK?

It's pretty hard to excuse a 19 year old IMHO.

Re: Estranged relationship with SK

I have been in the same situation with SD - she too has done some pretty bad things to DH and I. DH was able to forgive and forget before me but I got to a point where I wanted us to move forward in a positive way and the only way for me to do that was to put the bad things that happened in the past. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy and sometimes still isn't easy and I still fear things can go wrong again in the future but we are taking small steps in the right direction and overall that is what I want for the 3 of us. I know it is hard but you will get there and maybe just need a little more time

ETA: I also agree, 19 years old is old enough to know better and should not be excused for any kind of negative behavior....so I can see where this is a tough one.

Message edited 9/8/2010 8:52:33 AM.