Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

DH has made several attempts at quitting. Now he's been smoke free for 2 weeks and on Saturday, a cigarette fell out of his pocket when he was getting his wallet (a 'friend' who knew that he was trying to quit gave it to him and he accepted it). I threw it out immediately and he felt awful for taking it.

I want to support him in any way that I can, but I feel helpless. It just kills him that he feels like he can't stop. Is there anything in particular that your family/friends/spouse/SO did for you that you found to be the most helpful?

Thank you so much.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

I don't think there's really anything you can do other then support the decision and deal with the moodiness your DH may have from breaking the addiction. Try to avoid situations where DH would normally smoke - it's a little easier now since you basically cannot smoke anywhere - when I quit smoking in bars was still allowed. Maybe find a new hobby or activity you could do together that would take his mind off it a bit? It gets a bit easier after a few weeks - then the deterrent will be to not have to go through quitting again.

Good luck to him!! It was one of the hardest I have ever done for myself, but also the best. In a few weeks or months he will be happy he did this.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

It took me 8 times to finally quit. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do....

I actually lost some friends and had to quit social drinking for a while, because I always needed to have a cigarette in hand...Be patient with him, and just let him know you are there for him
Scott

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

ZYBAN!

You take one pill a day, and you continue to smoke until you are disgusted by cigarettes. It took about five weeks for this to happen for me. I think I had some mild side effects like dry mouth. I stayed on the medication for 4 months.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

DH has been trying to quit for 8 years now. He's cut back significantly, but still hasn't quit.

Now it's affecting our efforts at TTC, but it still doesn't change his desire to smoke.

Unfortunately, there's not much anyone can do but the smoker themselves. They have to want to quit or nothing you will do can help.

Just try to be supportive and patient.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

Although there isn't alot you can do since this is really something he has to tackle himself, one of the best things you can do is encourage him to keep busy with activities that have no correlation to smoking whatsoever and keep him away from situations that do.

Stay away from bars, drinking (even a glass of wine at home), other people who smoke, etc. Most smokers want a cigarette after a big meal (or any meal actually) so after dinner, try to immediately distract him with something. Encourage him to work out, go to the gym, etc because the last thing you want to is smoke right before or right after working out. Keep sugar free gum around.

That's about it...good luck to him.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

Thank you all!

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

There is really nothing you can do. I am a firm believer that someone can only stop if they WANT to stop. I mean, really WANT to stop. I attempted 3 times but went back after 6 months or a year. The thing was even though I said that I wanted to stop, I really didn't. Now that I am pg, i definately stopped and can't see myself starting again.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

I've been married for 30 years and for 25 of those years my husband was a smoker. I can't count how many times he tried to quit and couldn't do it. Then, about 5 years ago, he put them down and didn't pick them up again. I know how hard he struggled and I know how hard to this day it sometimes is for him. I don't smoke and never did, but, in all that time, I never once tried to make him quit. That is the key. This is something that has to be done when the person is ready. If they don't make it on the first try, maybe they will on the tenth or fifteenth. Just be encouraging and supportive and don't let him think you are disappointed in him. Eventually, it will happen. Good luck to him!

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

Please don't misunderstand - I'm not trying to make him quit. He wants to; I just want to help him anyway that I can.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

All you can do is continue being supportive. Unfortunately, this is something that he has to do on his own and he will only accomoplish it when he is ready. As you can see, most ex-smokers end up having to give it a few goes before it sticks. I tried for two years. I had periods where I would go for several months without a cig, but then would fall back. Finally, I put a cig to my lips one night and said that's it and I quit cold turkey. I have been smoke free for over 2 years. Just support him as you have been. Good luck to you both!!!!

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

Honestly, he has to be ready to just walk away from it. It is a very powerdul addiction, and it is incredibly difficult to decide to quit. But speaking from experience, once that decision is made to walk away from it completely, then that is when it can be successful. (I tried to quit 4 times before actually deciding to finally quit).

I quit 3 years ago & ever since DH hass been SWEARING that he will quit. Since then we have lost 2 friends to lung cancer & his father & uncle have both had heart attacks. And he is still smoking. I feel helpless & wish I could help, but nagging him to quit just makes it worse. We are actually considering enrolling him in a smoking cessation program through my health insurance.


Good luck you you & DH

Message edited 4/3/2006 11:14:31 AM.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

Have him log on to www.quitnet.com I used that when I quit - you put in quit date and what you normally smoke per day and it keeps count of the cigarettes you DID NOT smoke and then you check it everyday and when you see those #'s - there is no way you can go back. Also, if you slip up - you have to start from Day 1 again and who the hell wants to do that.

I agree like the others said, stay away from places that you normally would smoke

I had to quit b/c I became pregnant, it was very hard to do, If I wasn't preggo I probably wouldn't have - My DH smokes in front of me -(not near me though) and I cringe but I have the willpower now - which I didn't have before.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

DH and I were both smokers. I only quit because I am pregnant. We both had tried cutting down but the BFP was the only thing that actually made me do it.
DH clams he is trying to cut down but he really isn't. He still goes outside as much as he used to. The only thing is that he knows that he can't be around me or the baby if he continues to smoke (I mean while he is actually smoking, not that we are going to leave him!). He finally said yesterday that he really needs to quit. He knows how bad it is. Believe me, I don't think in this day and age there is a smoker out there that is not aware of the affects that smoking has on them.
For me, I still miss it. The idea and smell of actually smoking grosses me out. It is the social part I miss. That is the hardest part to quit.
I am obviously no held here but i wanted you to know you are not alone.

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

I tried for years, but getting pregnant was the only thing that made me quit.

It's still really hard, but acupuncture really helps me a lot!

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!

I have no advice to give you since everyone else summed it up already. But here are some hugs to you for your patience and concern for your husband. (My bf is always trying to quit and it can get so stressful)

Re: Ex-smokers, PLEASE help me help DH!