fathers girlfriends

how do you guys deal with this- Im having a tough go of it- my father is basically desperate and has picked up a women that is total white trash- we have already gotten into fights and Im starting to avoid my dad because of her she is the complete opposite of my mom- she belongs on a jerry springer show She has no job, she is on probation, she smokes up a storm, she cant drive in on welfare- it goes on and on. I cant beleive this is the person he is choosing to be with- my mom was a librarian for goodness sake!! She is totally using him for his money- they just moved in together and he is supporting her and he in turn says that he needs someone around to take care of him esp because he has MS and he feels like he is going to need someone there down the line....I dont know what to do.

Re: fathers girlfriends

Ever since my father's stroke in 1998, the possibility of girlfriends forever ended.

My Dad did get remarried a year after my mom died WAY too soon and it only last 6 months... actually it all came to a head one night when the cops had to be callled... YES now that's sounds very Jerry Springer-ish.

He waited five more years, dated a few and one for 4 years. He married her. She had two girls, one younger and one older than me. Not saying we were perfect but her and her daughters had a lot of subtle, yet destructive issues.

After that he gave up dating entirely, he was 51. He said, "Three strikes, I'm out", went out a few weeks later and adopted a dog.

He said, he's sticking to dogs, they are more trustworthy and loyal than women My poor Dad didn't have the greatest luck with women, he picked some doosies.

It sounds like your Dad is doing a complete 180.
As if his new girlfriend is the equivalent of a "bad boy" relationship for a woman.

I know of a man who is in a similar situation than your father, Unfortunately, they are from the generation that they need someone to take care of them. I vowed to make sure my future sons never feel this way.

ETA: I know my father remarried for the first time so soon (1979) because he was married for 14 years and didn't remember any other way and he thought we needed another mom.

Message edited 6/6/2006 6:32:52 PM.

Re: fathers girlfriends

Re: fathers girlfriends

Re: fathers girlfriends

my father had a g/f i would say 3 months after my mom passed total BIOTCH! my own father said to me "MY GF dosent liek all the pictures of your mom in the house it makes he uncomfortable so we are going to take them down" CAN U BELIEVE HE SAID THAT????? TO A CHILD???????? (i STILL 23 YRS LATER DONT FORGIVE HIM FOR THAT) ...i did not handle it well at all....they got married had a child and got divorced......next g/f married had a child....not divorced yet....its ok now that i dont live at home its easier to deal with i guess. I just have coem to the conclusion my father cant be alone , I think it scares him. He just recently in the past year has started talking about my mom before it was like he would act as i she didnt exist

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My father is married for the 4th time since my mother's passing. He remarried 3 months after she passed. Actually, he married the woman he was cheating on my mother with as she lay in her hospital bed dying from cancer. Long story short, she beat the hell outta me and my brothers for 4 yrs and he did nothing about it. SAid nothing, did nothing. We were finally taken out of the situation after 4 yrs and went to live with my aunt and uncle. He divorced that beeotch.. married and few more times, divorced, and now is married to an 89 year old woman who looks like the crypt keeper, and he is only 72. She has $$$.... He lives in Florida with her for the past 10 yrs. This is a record for him. If she dies (which could be any day now) dont think he wont marry again... A real father of the Year nominee huh??? Ughhh hang in there..

Re: fathers girlfriends

I was waiting for someone to bring this up

my Dad waited all of 5 months to start dating this jobless, pennyless, hairless- yes she had extensions ( and bad ones at that), Gold Digger- he went so far as to move it with her in flordia

2 months ago- when he realized that she was a dirt bag and a closet alcholic he finally saw what we saw and dumped her- she was drinking mouthwash to get drunk while he was playing golf! WHAT

he sends her back to NY and she goes to rehab- she calls him from rehab- and says- "you stood by you wife when she had cancer- why wont you stand by me?"

that was that- but now there is another one- I hate match.com

we want him to date a few women at the same time- but he he goes getting serious after 2 weeks with someone else-

he is suppose to be moving to florida in a month- and he better not uproot his plans for another woman!

to be continued.......

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My dad threw himself into work after my mom died (17 years ago). He had a "friendship" with my mom's best friend/next door neighbor. It was so hard for me. I loved her like a mom and wanted a mom, but thought the whole thing was not right. She cut off contact with my dad when she was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago -- she did not want us to go through what we had to go through with my mom's illness. Both my dad and I missed her and I got in touch with her while I was away at college and found out the whole story... my dad remained a good friend -- that's -- until she died of cancer. That was aweful for both of us.

I always feel torn about the whole thing -- I would have liked to known my dad was with someone nice and caring and even a bit mother-like, but my heart just would not have it...

After my dad died of a ehart attack in 2003, I felt like if he had remariied someone nice and caring, maybe he would have taken better care of himslef... or she would hvae demanded it... you never know!

Good luck!

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My Father ended up marrying a women (1st woman he dated since my mother left us) who was extremely selfish and hated me. She hated that my father and I were so close and he gave me everything he could. She was so jealous of his love for me that she made my life miserable. She would lie to him and say I said nasty thing or did mean things when I never did. She also hated my aunts (dads sisters) because he was very close with them as well.

My father was so desperate to be loved and cared for that this was the first woman to take care of him. He realized a year into the marriage what all of us had been telling him, but he couldnt divorce her and be a "two time loser" as he would say.

My father died of a sudden massive stroke after 5 years with this woman. She wouldn't give me anything of my father's (special momentos etc) and took money that was left in my name.

It makes me so sad that my dad lived the last years of his life with this greedy, selfish, and jealous woman. I miss my dad more than anything in this world...I just hope he is in a better place and finally happy and loved.

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WOW!! I have to say mybrother and I always thought our "STEPMOTHER " was a winner. I feel much better after these stories. I am so sorry for everyone.

About a year after my mom died, My mothers 1st cousin ( who had been divorced for 20 something years) started calling him and asking him to the movies. She is the BIGGEST DING BAT... she has such a low self esteem that she has to klie about her life to everyone and her stories come out so bizarre.
We accepted that my dad needed a companion in life and if she was what he wanted ...then so be it. ...
He always said he would never remarry becuase he had his one trrue love..my mom.... but that wasnt the case...she once told me the story that she basically guilted him in to marriage.
THe hardest part is her kids ..who are also my cousins are now my stepbrother and stepsister.
It is hard on my moms family too ...very akward but my father is a WONDERFUL man and he desrves to live his life with someone who he can do things with so we **** it up and deal.
Many hugs to everyone on this board..this is never and easy situation in life.

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...well my sister meet the new woman- she's a hippy - really into yoga etc- really nice- she actually spoke to my sister and made an effort- unlike the last one

my sister rated her a 8 out of 10

I am going to meet her this week ( maybe)

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I just posted about this before I saw yours. I don't mind that he dates but I don't want to have anything to do with her!!!

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I am so sorry for what some of you have had to deal with, I truly can't imagine. Beth, I hope this one is a lot better then the last!!

It's been 5 years since my mom died and my dad hasn't expressed any interest in dating. On the one hand, I would love for him to have someone to spend time with, but on the other, I am terrified of it. I just can not imagine him with anyone but my mom.
Recently he told me that a woman in his dentist's office called him at home with a "personal" question. She told him she had tickets to a show and wanted to know if he would be interested in going. He said he told her he couldn't because it was my grandma's birthday and he was taking her out (which was true.) I was so stunned that I didn't really ask much more - I'm not sure if he would have elaborated. But it was such a weird feeling.
My brother told me a while ago that he would NOT be ok if my dad dated anyone, which I think is very selfish of him, but I can understand.
I know he has said before (not outright exactly, but in a round about way) that he has felt a little weird about going out with some of his couple friends, like they might be trying to set him up - so I don't think he's looking at all. A while after my mom died he told me he really didn't think he'd ever want to date anyone. I guess time will tell.