Feel like a failure before I've even started (kind of long)

This has been a rough year for me. I am a certified teacher with my master's struggling to find a full-time job and suffered a nervous breakdown about 16 months ago. I left my job to find better opportunities (my job made me miserable, and it was a rebound job after I suffered my breakdown), and found out I was pregnant. I feel like a failure as a parent and a person. I've gone full speed ahead with school and my career and then hitting a brick wall threw me for a loop. I am on two substitute teaching lists but only get called in 1-2 times a week. I would do ANYTHING else and have come to terms with putting my dreams of teaching aside for the benefit of my family, but I am scared to apply to things because I am pregnant. I have applied to things and done GREAT on interviews with no results. And I'm still barely showing, so I know that has not been an issue.

I feel like there is SO much pressure on me to go back to work and be a mom and make it all work. We cannot survive on DH's salary alone. I feel like I am causing us to struggle financially. We have been doing okay putting ourselves on a budget. I am going to have to go back to work doing something right after I have the baby, and it makes me feel like I have failed the baby, that I'm abandoning him or her because I have to return to work at 6-8 weeks post partum. I cry constantly.

Thank you for listening and I'm sorry to unload, but I've just reached a breaking point.

Message edited 2/9/2011 3:08:34 PM.

Re: Feel like a failure before I've even started (kind of long)

Oh Michelle. I'm sorry things are so tough for you and DH right now.

Have you thought about getting back into Gymboree or similar? Maybe you could also babysit to bring in some extra income before and after the baby comes.

The economy is so rough right now ... I'd been trying to get out of my job for MONTHS when I got pregnant ... there's just so little out there right now. I know you have tons of contacts in the childcare world from your experience - can you see if any of those people are able to point you in the right direction?

Re: Feel like a failure before I've even started (kind of long)

Posted by julesrbf

Oh Michelle. I'm sorry things are so tough for you and DH right now.

Have you thought about getting back into Gymboree or similar? Maybe you could also babysit to bring in some extra income before and after the baby comes.

The economy is so rough right now ... I'd been trying to get out of my job for MONTHS when I got pregnant ... there's just so little out there right now. I know you have tons of contacts in the childcare world from your experience - can you see if any of those people are able to point you in the right direction?

Re: Feel like a failure before I've even started (kind of long)

Hang in there...I too went through all the schooling to become a teacher, but after a few years of part-time positions, and full time leave replacements, I realized that I did not enjoy teaching, and I stopped my job search.

Look on craigslist...Dr's officed are usually hiring, and also look into getting a job at a daycare...you have experience with children, and then your LO can go there and you will be so close to him/her while at work. When I was looking, I found more on craigslist than monster.com.

You can also see if the districts you sub for have a list for teachers who tutor. You can make decent $$ tutoring on the side.

DONT feel like a failure for doing what you have to do to help support your family!

Re: Feel like a failure before I've even started (kind of long)

You are certainly not a failure! I know so many teachers looking for work, it is such a difficult field right now with the state of economy and such.

Hang in there.