feeling very alone

I don't really know where else to go, so I figured I would post here. I had a D&C on Nov 28th. I was almost 11 weeks. I have just been so upset over this and I can't seem to move past it. It's been even worse this week. I think with the holidays over I've just finally had time to really process everything. Our friends and family all know about the m/c, but no one really knows what to say to me. I feel like I can't really talk to them because no one has gone through this, and I feel like no one really understands how I am feeling. I have a hard time being around pregnant women or anything baby related. To top everything off, one of my good friends is pregnant and due any day now, and I've just not wanted anything to do with her lately. I feel so guilty. DH has been very good, up until the last two weeks. I feel like he is losing patience with me and thinks that I shouldn't still be upset over this. He's the type of person to just deal with something and move on. That's just making me feel secluded even more because even he doesn't seem to understand my feelings about all of this. I guess I'm just having a harder time than I thought. I really want to move on and start TTC again, but the process of having to go through all of that again is just so upsetting because we have to start all over. I keep thinking that maybe we should wait until I'm fully together, but I just really want a baby and I know DH does too.

I'm just very frustrated and upset right now. I'm really hoping that my sadness is just mainly from the fact that AF should be showing up any day. I haven't felt this sad in a really long time.

I appreciate anyone who is reading this. I think I just needed some sympathy, support, and hugs.

Re: feeling very alone

I know what you're going through. I had my d&c on 12/23 and have been trying to move forward. I was off of work all week this week and I think it was a bit of a mistake because after Christmas I had all week to sit home and process everything. I finally had a complete breakdown to DH the other night and, like your DH, he's trying so hard to be supportive, but I think I'm wearing his patience. He pushed me to go to the gym the other day, which I absolutely did not want to do, but truth be told, it was a big help. I think I need to focus on getting myself back together, and taking care of myself again, an that will help me move forward. Maybe it's something you need to do too?

Message edited 1/1/2012 1:40:23 PM.

Re: feeling very alone

Please don't feel alone because your not. This board has definitely been such a wonderful support through this process.

My DH is the same as yours. After a couple of weeks he was able to keep moving forward but I was a complete mess. I have my moments when I still breakdown and it was really hard this holiday to be completely happy.

I know the holidays don't help but just know that we are all here for you so don't ever feel alone.

Re: feeling very alone

I dont know how they do it, move on so quickly. My dh, although infinitely patient with me, is really frustrated with how unwell im coping.
Have you started therapy?

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never ever feel alone
this board is awesome. I read books on mc and pregnancy over 35 to better help me understand and cope with my loss. My SO was not as sad or depressed like me, it was
different for him, he was more concerned
for me & how I was doing & coping. He
was not emotionally attached. Your DH
attitude does not mean your DH does'nt care its just thats how men are hardwired to deal with situations like this. I hope you feel better real soon

Re: feeling very alone

Just know that you are not alone and it is perfectly normal for you to feel the way that you do. I had a D&C last month and I was devastated at the time and cried at every doctor's visit as well as when talking about it with the people who knew about it.

I do have to say that when AF came this past week, it made me feel much better and helped get past it all. I also take comfort in the fact that I know we can get pregnant and that my chances of miscarriage going forward is not any higher because of this past one. It's still very difficult to deal with, especially since my sister is pregnant and we would have been due around the same time. Do what feels right to you- if waiting a couple months will help you recover emotionally, then there's no reason to rush back into it. After AF comes, I'm sure you will have a better feeling as to what feels right.

Hopefully 2012 will be a better year for all of us!!

Re: feeling very alone

i understand what you are going through, after trying for 10 months we were finally pregnant and so excited, and 7 days later lost it due to a chemical pregnancy on thanksgiving... i also lost my job in september. i have been trying to keep busy and be strong and move on but sometimes its hard. I find it very hard to be around pregnant people or anyone with children when you feel like it should be you.

Re: feeling very alone

First of all big hugs and you are not alone!

This board has helped me so much --- I have gone through two losses and after the first one at 8.5 weeks, I didn't knwo what to do with myself. I would cry at anything and everything. I felt like no one knew what I was going through and kept getting so mad at my one friend who kept saying" Stay commited it will happen". I finally blew up at her and she said she was sorry -- people don't know what to say so a lot of the times what they do end up saying makes you hurt more.

Just know that it will get better. The pain will always be there but the constant hurt slowly dimineshes.

I felt a huge sigh of relief when I got my first period post D&C -- it was like my body was telling me it was okay and ready to move on.... getting my period made me feel so much better emotionally also.

The week of Thanksgiving was supposed to be my due date --- it was sad, but glad I was surrounded by people who loved me.

We are all here for you!

Re: feeling very alone

The other ladies have given you some great advice! And you are not alone.. I am really sorry for your loss!

I too, had a loss at 11 weeks.. had to have a D&C and I was completely devastated, and felt the same exact way you do. We only told my side of the family and a couple of friends, but people still didn't really know what to say. It is really hard, but please know that you are not alone and everything you are feeling is normal.

I send you many hugs!!

Re: feeling very alone

I know how you feel. It's funny how those closest to me (including DH) go about their daily business while I'm stuck in a world of perpetual wonderment...how did this happen? why did this happen? it's not fair... every day I think about my little girl whom I will never get to hold. Even though I know I can talk about it, I don't because I can just sense that no one wants to hear it...it's a lonely existence right now. I think that's why I come on here so often because at least the women on this board can relate to how I'm feeling. Sometimes I am just looking for validation--that my grieving is still acceptable, that the loss of my little one was real and great and painful--and I find that. Then I am thankful because I know I'm not alone in the world even if it feels like I'm alone in my life.

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