feeling very very down- update at end of thread

i was going to take a break for possible first new home buying month....but decided to go for it again.


but i just want to cry and yell.

i got pg in june and chem early. since then another ivf that was cancelled due to egg quality. then we switched to iui's bc i am a sucky terrible responder so why do ivf with only 1 or 2 eggs.

so one. two . three. four. five. six.

iui's in a row. bfnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn's

next month will make number 7.

honestly its been a long long time of feeling completly crappy , hormonal, getting fatter by the month...and just feeling ever so poor from co pay and drugs and thats fine...if only i could make a baby kwim?

i knwo people have had much much longer journeys....but just scared mine wont be a journey with a happy ending.

ps i work in very very very close proximity to two newly pg girls...... and both only tried two months and both asked me when to bc i know so much i CANNOT escape ...........happy for them but cant help feeling...hey i started a long time ago... why are you both so lucky..whats wrong with me?

i guess total pity party.

gotta snap out of it.
oh the rollercoaster!!!!!!!!!!!!

ty for listening

Message edited 12/30/2010 9:19:17 PM.

Re: feeling very very down

I'm sorry you're having a rough night. IF is so frustrating. I know how much it hurts to see everyone around you seeming to get PG, and feeling like it's never going to be your turn, but I have faith that we will all be mommies one day. Feel free to cry, yell, and scream any time.

Re: feeling very very down

I feel you. I often think to myslef...Why me??? I never would have thought we would have trouble getting preg. but I continue to be optimisitc and hope for the best

to you

Re: feeling very very down

Hi there. Just chiming in to say you are not alone. This will make my 7th iui this month also. I started stims today. I was successful on my 4th iui, but had a missed miscarriage at 10 wks.

I think so many times why me? Why are we being punished? It's not fair. The only thing that keeps me going, heck that keeps us ALL going, is my desire to be a mommy.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I figure in the end, it'll be okay. If it's not okay, then it's not the end!

I know that was a cheesy quote above, but I love it and kind of adopted it as my mantra to try to get through all is horrific IF stuff.

Re: feeling very very down

I know there's really not much I can say that will help If I were you, I'd discuss my feelings with Dr.B and see if there's anything else you could be doing. Rather than do the same thing each cycle, maybe there's something else you can try from a different angle.

Believe me I know how frustrating this can be

Re: feeling very very down

Just wanted to give you some
It's not fair what we have to go through.

Re: feeling very very down

That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger.......so you are a strong woman!!!!!

Re: feeling very very down

i've been there too many times. I also feel like why us...why do we have to go through this when everyone else gets pregnant at the drop of a dime...but I agree what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Re: feeling very very down

This is really hard...... and unfortunately nothing that anyone will tell you will make you feel any better

Have you considered taking a little break from all of this and give your body a chance to rest? In my case, after a failed IVF my body took 3 months to recover from all the meds that I was on...seems that I was too oversupressed, to the point that I couldn't get started with my next IVF. It was a forced break but it was much needed. I was so happy that I finally detected a surge again 2 days ago

I would also have a talk to Dr B about trying another IVF cycle. I've heard about many ladies that have gotten pregnant through an IVF cycle with only one egg. You really only need one good one. I would ask how the statistics compare between an IUI and an IVF with only one ar two eggs present and take it from there.

I'm always there if you need to chat!

Re: feeling very very down

Posted by WaterGirl


That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger.......so you are a strong woman!!!!!

Re: feeling very very down

I totally hear you and Im sending you lots of .
I read about you thinking about taking a break and I wasn't going to respond because I have been there but I do think every one needs a break. I was so eager to move on to my 3rd IVF this month. I had started in June and after 2BFN I said let's go for that 3rdBFP! Some women told me to go for it others said take a break. Well the cycle started out rocky, I ovulated, didn't, had a lupron flare cycle and I took it as a sign that it was time for a break. Dr. B said it was ok and even urged me to try on my own.
I am so happy I took a break!! Your body needs it once in a while. It has taken sometime for my body to start to feel normal but it feels good to not have to do any shots, take any meds or to have Dr. B examining me every week and have blood being drawn.
Im hoping that I get pregnant on my own however if I don't, come March I will be seeing Dr. B. Im taking 3months off cause I don't want to deal with the snow.
My friend keeps telling me I am a survivor and we are. We can do this, we will have our babies and you will be comparing stories about your kids with the women next to you. You will be giving your baby hugs and kisses. Why me? Why not me? Why us cause we are strong and we can do thiis! Your body may need a a chance to rejuvenate and get strong so when the next time you are mentally and physically prepared to get pregnant.
If you don't take a break or can't (I saw that you had to start meds right away) then take sometime this cycle to think only good thoughts and to center yourself and this baby that will be coming into your life. Take time with friends, family and your husband to distract you. And if you need anything we are all here to support you.
Good Luck!
You are not alone we all feel that way!

Re: feeling very very down

This process is so draining and it seems that there are no right words or that the regimen we are on is not enough. Sorry you are having a rough time.

DH and I keep going back and forth in the case that this is another failed IUI. Do we stop and break for a month or 2 or do we continue? Too much to figure out and all the other daily stresses of life make it worse.

It is definitely easier said than done, but keeping positive and visualizing your LO makes all of this a little easier.

Re: feeling very very down

ladies thank you all so so much....

yes today officially was neg beta.( only good news in the progesterone in oil shots kept me from spotting until today which was the af due date anyways...the crinone i have always used in the past i would spot bleed for a week before full flow..so if i ever do get a good egg i think my body will be able to sustain it :)

and i am going to try one more iui cycle....if it doesnt work i will tryi an ivf cycle again.
had one completed ivf cycle but the next one sucked!
i just dont want to run out of coverage for ivf...where they get out an egg or two and they "die" before transfer...even though its not a completed cycle.......its almost just as much deducted!!! so that is my concern doing another ivf. ( this is what happened second time)

i cant do ivf this month or next maybe bc of possible new home..... but i reallllllllllllly want to do it again.


i would like to take a break...but alas....my time runneth out soon due to my condition and i just pray i get more than one egg next cycle.

after this i will reevaluate for sure!

thanks ladies....and no its not fair for any of us at all!!! it sucks and it is lonely....but i do than god everyday i found this amazing message board or i am almost sure i would not have kept trying till ths point.

Re: feeling very very down- update at end of thread

im sorry

if you have unlimited coverage on IUIs i would try them until you can fit in an IVF. but i would def do another fresh IVF if i were you. even if you only get 2 eggs, if you can get them to fert at least you know that you've done EVERYTHING that you can. IUI you just never know what the exact issue is - poor eggs, lack of fert, poor timing, lining, etc. at least with IVF you can pinpoint exactly if its egg quality/no fert. with so many cycles behind you at this point i know if it were me i would want to do whatever made my chances the greatest and we all know IVF is it.

good luck and hang in there!!

Re: feeling very very down- update at end of thread

Posted by FlowerWife

im sorry

if you have unlimited coverage on IUIs i would try them until you can fit in an IVF. but i would def do another fresh IVF if i were you. even if you only get 2 eggs, if you can get them to fert at least you know that you've done EVERYTHING that you can. IUI you just never know what the exact issue is - poor eggs, lack of fert, poor timing, lining, etc. at least with IVF you can pinpoint exactly if its egg quality/no fert. with so many cycles behind you at this point i know if it were me i would want to do whatever made my chances the greatest and we all know IVF is it.

good luck and hang in there!!

Re: feeling very very down- update at end of thread

Just wanted to send hugs. I'm sorry it's been a rough week. I hope this IUI brings you better results. If not, a third IVF sounds like a good idea.

Re: feeling very very down- update at end of thread

Sorry to hear about your neg beta. I hope and pray that your next IUI is a success.