| Posted By |
Message |
johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
|
First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Ugh. So DH and I went to a wedding in Philadelphia over the weekend. My parents watched DD. It was the first night away from her. We stayed at the Ritz Carlton (where the wedding was). I stopped bf'ing a few weeks ago and was really looking forward to just having a great time. Well, my IL's were at the same wedding. So annoying. Not only could I not act the way I wanted (in terms of drinking), but after a few glasses of wine I went outside and smoked a few cigarettes (I don't smoke regularly but I am known to smoke when I drink). Well, I came back inside and DH was all upset with me and apparently my FIL whispered to him that I was a "smoker".
God forbid I do what I want for one night out of my life!! The baby was not around me. Why is it that now I'm a Mom I have to act like one 24/7?? Was it really that irresponsible of me to have a few cigarettes one night out of the year? I am so sick of having to be the perfect citizen in front of my IL's all the time!
Ugh. Vent over. Thanks.
|
Posted 9/25/07 10:39 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:42 AM |
| |
|
dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Im sorry that the night was partially ruined.
You gave up your body for 9 months to carry that baby, IMO you deserve a few or how EVER many minutes to do what you choice with it NOW.
Dont let the guilt get you, thats THEIR issue...Not yours.
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:44 AM |
| |
|
johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Posted by dm24angel
Im sorry that the night was partially ruined.
You gave up your body for 9 months to carry that baby, IMO you deserve a few or how EVER many minutes to do what you choice with it NOW.
Dont let the guilt get you, thats THEIR issue...Not yours.
Thanks. I hate the guilt.
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:44 AM |
| |
|
Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
That's stinky - I'm sorry - hopefully you'll have other, relaxing, away from baby nights
P.S. You could've called me - I would have come over and smacked your FIL around! I love the Ritz Carlton! 
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:45 AM |
| |
|
dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Posted by johnsae
Posted by dm24angel
Im sorry that the night was partially ruined.
You gave up your body for 9 months to carry that baby, IMO you deserve a few or how EVER many minutes to do what you choice with it NOW.
Dont let the guilt get you, thats THEIR issue...Not yours.
Thanks. I hate the guilt.
Its not just you, we all feel it when we make decisions we "think" we could have made differently.....But now I try to think, well I cant change what happened, so I will try to let go of the guilt.
You did nothing wrong. Its your body....you in no way influenced or even did anything that would concern your child.
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:46 AM |
| |
|
KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Posted by dm24angel
Im sorry that the night was partially ruined.
You gave up your body for 9 months to carry that baby, IMO you deserve a few or how EVER many minutes to do what you choice with it NOW.
Dont let the guilt get you, thats THEIR issue...Not yours.
ITA.
I am sorry if this sounds out of line, but from things you have posted about your FIL, I think he needs to grow a vagina and have a baby so that he can know what it is like to be pregnant and have a baby. Until that happens, he needs to shut his hole.
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:47 AM |
| |
|
Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Posted by dm24angel
Im sorry that the night was partially ruined.
You gave up your body for 9 months to carry that baby, IMO you deserve a few or how EVER many minutes to do what you choice with it NOW.
Dont let the guilt get you, thats THEIR issue...Not yours.
I agree
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:48 AM |
| |
|
MrsK
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/06 891 total posts
Name:
Christine
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Don't feel bad! my DD is 2 months and I have gone out 2 or 3 times already some girlfriends for drinks and have smoked!! as long as it's not around the baby IMO I don't see it as wrong at all. I'm a SAHM and I need like 1 or two nights out with friends for drinks and no kiddies!
I do not feel I'm a bad mother at all.
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:49 AM |
| |
|
smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
You will be judged regardless of what you do. Damn if you doing it one way, damn if you do it the other way.
I am sorry your little "getaway" trip was ruined. I can imagine you just wanted to have fun since your entire life right now revolve around DD and you were welcoming the break only to find your ILs were there and you had to be on your tip toes, having to watch your every moves and not be able to unwine and relax even for just one evening.
|
| Posted 9/25/07 10:54 AM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
sorry your il's are a bunch of asses....
|
| Posted 9/25/07 11:12 AM |
| |
|
MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
I would tell them to get over it!! I was your night out for some fun away from the baby, end of story!
|
| Posted 9/25/07 11:17 AM |
| |
|
casey31
Mommy of 3!
Member since 5/05 2967 total posts
Name:
Mommy to two boys and a girl
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
I am sorry your night away was ruined. Your FIL has made me so mad hearing this story! Who is he to judge you? Did he carry a baby for nine months? Has he ever breast fed?
Two cigarettes away from your baby is NONE of his business!!! I wish I could tell him off for you!!
Noone has a right to judge you but he isn't even a mom, much less a woman!! 
|
| Posted 9/25/07 12:33 PM |
| |
|
missrock
Beautiful!!!!
Member since 5/06 3808 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
I totally understand. I am a smoker. I have been since i was 17. It hasnt been consistent (i smoke, then i stop, then I do socially). I feel like everyone, excluding my parents (they smoke) judge people that smoke and have kids.
I DO NOT smoke in front of her. I smoke outside and wash my hands everytime i come in. Yes, i might smell like smoke but it doesnt make you a bad mom because you smoke. I would NEVER EVER (and im sure you would never) hold your DC and smoke with him in your arms. I started smoking again because i was so stressed out and overwhelmed with having my DD. Now, it kinda stuck around because I still, from time to time get stressed.
I say dont let your ILs judge you like that. That really annoys me. You dont even smoke regularly.
|
| Posted 9/25/07 12:45 PM |
| |
|
Marcie
Complete Happiness :)
Member since 5/05 27789 total posts
Name:
LOVE being a Mommy!
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
I hate to sound rude or anything - and don't take this the wrong way
but....
your DH needs to stand up to his parents and tell them to back off.
He needs to tell them that you are an adult and you can do whatever you want. He needs to back you in all decisions you make.
If I was doing something wrong or not (I am not saying you are - I am just trying to make a point) my DH would have said to his parents, back off she is doing something for herself right now and it is her decision to make it.
He would also tell them it is not right to be saying something behind my back, and that if they really have a problem with it, they would have to speak to me.
He would also tell them, that if he finds out that they are saying something other people (family members) and he finds out - there will be hell to pay.
I am sorry your night out got ruined by people that can not mind their own business.
|
| Posted 9/25/07 12:46 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Posted by johnsae
Ugh. So DH and I went to a wedding in Philadelphia over the weekend. My parents watched DD. It was the first night away from her. We stayed at the Ritz Carlton (where the wedding was). I stopped bf'ing a few weeks ago and was really looking forward to just having a great time. Well, my IL's were at the same wedding. So annoying. Not only could I not act the way I wanted (in terms of drinking), but after a few glasses of wine I went outside and smoked a few cigarettes (I don't smoke regularly but I am known to smoke when I drink). Well, I came back inside and DH was all upset with me and apparently my FIL whispered to him that I was a "smoker".
God forbid I do what I want for one night out of my life!! The baby was not around me. Why is it that now I'm a Mom I have to act like one 24/7?? Was it really that irresponsible of me to have a few cigarettes one night out of the year? I am so sick of having to be the perfect citizen in front of my IL's all the time!
Ugh. Vent over. Thanks.
Sorry if I am out of bounds here, but your FIL sounds like a real pain in the
a s s - he was all up on your sh*t about BFing, and now this???? Who does he think he is???? Sorry - but he isn;t your friggin husband - he has no right to say anything to you except hello, goodbye, the baby is cute, and thats about it.
Sorry you have to put up with that...
|
| Posted 9/25/07 8:24 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Also - you were smoking in a whole other STATE - not even in front of your DD...
|
| Posted 9/25/07 8:26 PM |
| |
|
DandN
Twins are here!
Member since 3/06 3597 total posts
Name:
Deirdre
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
How did your DH respond to his father's comment?
|
| Posted 9/25/07 8:45 PM |
| |
|
conigs25
So in love with this kid!
Member since 5/06 11197 total posts
Name:
Michele
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Oh Im sorry, dod you turn 12 recently and no one knew?? 
Youre a 30-something year old woman. SHUT UP PEOPLE!!!!
Smoke up a storm next time if i were you
|
| Posted 9/25/07 8:55 PM |
| |
|
johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Thanks all. I'll hold off on my nasty comments on my FIL b/c I don't know who's reading this. My DH was also being unreasonable that night too though. I guess I'll just have to set some ground rules before we go out next time.
|
| Posted 9/26/07 7:52 AM |
| |
|
johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
|
Re: First night away from baby and I felt "judged"...
Posted by conigs25
Oh Im sorry, dod you turn 12 recently and no one knew??
Youre a 30-something year old woman. SHUT UP PEOPLE!!!!
Smoke up a storm next time if i were you
Hold up! I'm 28...no need to age me...that's all I need! 
|
| Posted 9/26/07 7:53 AM |
| |
|
