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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
For those who read the story about the "phone call" sitatuion with DH and one of the girls in his squad....
He went back to work last night after having 2 nights off..and of course my mind was RACING wondering if that "chick" would say anything. Well..she did. Apparently..she told him "she understood". That's all he told me. He said he didn't care either way..and to be honest with you that bothered me, because it's almost like it was no big deal to him. Although he says he understood how I felt and agreed with me, it doesn't seem that way.
I HATE HATE HATE feeling this way!!! I've NEVER had a trust issue with him, nor has he given me a reason to...but now..I can't help but wonder W.T.F goes on while he's at work.
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Posted 6/1/07 9:07 AM  |
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ziamaria
I love this boy!
Member since 4/07 3372 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
this is a tough situation...if you told him u were uncomfortable w/him talking to her, do u think he would honestly stop? are u going to check the phone records again? it's a terrible situation to be in...i hope it gets better
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:11 AM |
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shellybean
Love my Baby Boy!
Member since 4/07 5191 total posts
Name:
mich
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
I always find that your instinct is correct, if you suspect something you need to investiugate....You have to really search yourself and figure out if you really feel this way or not....
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:11 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by shellybean
I always find that your instinct is correct, if you suspect something you need to investiugate....You have to really search yourself and figure out if you really feel this way or not....
ITA!
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:12 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by ziamaria
this is a tough situation...if you told him u were uncomfortable w/him talking to her, do u think he would honestly stop? are u going to check the phone records again? it's a terrible situation to be in...i hope it gets better
I don't know that he would stop, and it's hard for me to "check" since I am sleeping while he's at work.
I honestly don't want to be that woman, who is checking up on her husbands every move..it's ridiculous. While I do trust him, I just don't think he FULLY comprehends why I was upset to begin with.
I'm hoping over time it will get better..but the fact that it is still a fresh wound, and I only saw records from February..is driving me nuts!! Just makes me wonder if it was going on way before that and after as well.
I guess the only thing I can do is try to move past it. I did make it VERY clear to him that I have NO desire to meet this girl and if I did, I couldn't guarantee that I would be nice. He says he understands, but whatever.
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:15 AM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
What do you want him to do exactly? He's agreed that it was inappropriate, she understands the friendship needs to cool down. He's likely telling you he doesn't care because the friendship wasn't important to him, he's probably upset (and a little embarrassed)that he hurt you and now just wants to move on (remember, men are NOT the verbal creatures we are).
If he apologized and agreed you were justified in feeling annoyed, there is not much more you can expect from him. Don't keep harping on it- all that will do is cause more tenson between you two. What's done is done, let him think you've forgotten the whole thing.
HOWEVER, don't be stupid either. Keep your eyes open. Just don't keep bringing it up.
It sounds like she was more the aggressor, your DH was likely flattered by the attention and didn't realize it might hurt your feelings. I don't doubt that he had the best of intentions- meaning, I'm sure nothing inappropriate occurred.
It sucks that you are being made to feel like this while you are pregnant. I am so sorry.
Message edited 6/1/2007 9:37:11 AM.
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:36 AM |
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MrsBlueSash
Love my sailor
Member since 6/05 5793 total posts
Name:
Christian
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
I think its the hormones and your pregnancy amplifying a weird situation. I have crazy thoughts lately and my husband is 100000% trustworthy! I just try and not worry. I think you'll be ok once baby the baby is here and your body goes back to a normal state.
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:40 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by MrsBlueSash
I think its the hormones and your pregnancy amplifying a weird situation. I have crazy thoughts lately and my husband is 100000% trustworthy! I just try and not worry. I think you'll be ok once baby the baby is here and your body goes back to a normal state.
I sure hope so!!!!!
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:42 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by Porrruss
What do you want him to do exactly? He's agreed that it was inappropriate, she understands the friendship needs to cool down. He's likely telling you he doesn't care because the friendship wasn't important to him, he's probably upset (and a little embarrassed)that he hurt you and now just wants to move on (remember, men are NOT the verbal creatures we are).
If he apologized and agreed you were justified in feeling annoyed, there is not much more you can expect from him. Don't keep harping on it- all that will do is cause more tenson between you two. What's done is done, let him think you've forgotten the whole thing.
HOWEVER, don't be stupid either. Keep your eyes open. Just don't keep bringing it up.
It sounds like she was more the aggressor, your DH was likely flattered by the attention and didn't realize it might hurt your feelings. I don't doubt that he had the best of intentions- meaning, I'm sure nothing inappropriate occurred.
It sucks that you are being made to feel like this while you are pregnant. I am so sorry.
You know..I don't know what I want him to do at this point.
He did say this today because it was never really "discussed":
"you have no idea how much it's been bothering me as well, i didn't give a sh** about worrying if i'd be embarassed, i just couldn't wait to tell her that it's gonna have to be on a strictly work level and to leave the personal stuff, ie. friendship, alone.....
which is what i did already and i don't know if it matters to anyone else but it did to me. My marriage and family is the most important thing i have and if a "friendship" is going to cause ripples then i don't need it."
I guess that's good enough..huh? I will keep my eyes open though..always have.
THANKS GIRLS!
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:45 AM |
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Theresa05
Sofialiciciousssssssssssss
Member since 10/06 4891 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
go on your cell phone providers website type in your # and check the calls.. I would.. But I am evil at times!
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:53 AM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
It sounds like he knew he was treading on thin ice by continuing the friendship. In a way, he's glad to be "caught"- as it gave him a reason to tell her, "enough". Sounds like it started very innocently and she was (maybe unintentionally) making more of it than it needed to go.
And the PP was right, pg CAN make you feel more emotional about things. I went through a similar situation with my DH. He had a coworker who seemed to be more interested in him than she needed to be. When I met her at a work function, she was going on and on about what a great guy he is, how lucky I am to have him ( ), how he's always "been there" for her, etc. I had never heard of this girl from DH! You can bet your @ss that I checked the cellphone records. Thankfully, it was nothing more than a fantasy on this girl's part (I had lots of *moles* watching out for me- it helps to be considered *the cool wife*) and my DH just being his normal helpful self.
You'll get through this. Whether you believe it or not, you are a BEAUTIFUL woman, pg or not, and your DH KNOWS how lucky he is to have you....
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| Posted 6/1/07 9:59 AM |
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Bklyngrl
luvmyfamily
Member since 9/06 5307 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by Porrruss
What do you want him to do exactly? He's agreed that it was inappropriate, she understands the friendship needs to cool down. He's likely telling you he doesn't care because the friendship wasn't important to him, he's probably upset (and a little embarrassed)that he hurt you and now just wants to move on (remember, men are NOT the verbal creatures we are).
If he apologized and agreed you were justified in feeling annoyed, there is not much more you can expect from him. Don't keep harping on it- all that will do is cause more tenson between you two. What's done is done, let him think you've forgotten the whole thing.
HOWEVER, don't be stupid either. Keep your eyes open. Just don't keep bringing it up.
It sounds like she was more the aggressor, your DH was likely flattered by the attention and didn't realize it might hurt your feelings. I don't doubt that he had the best of intentions- meaning, I'm sure nothing inappropriate occurred.
It sucks that you are being made to feel like this while you are pregnant. I am so sorry.
ITA with all this. You made your point. Maybe to put your mind at ease - check the phone records again this month into next month... You ARE his wife - who is carrying his precious cargo - she's nothing  don't stress over this - its not good for the baby
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:04 AM |
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Aga
hello baby Albert
Member since 9/05 7750 total posts
Name:
Aga
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
it just seems like you dont trust him anymore, which is sad since you are going to be parents soon... I think you need to talk to him about your trust issues but I am not sure if he can do or say anything at this point to make you forget what you already know... tough situation!
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:25 AM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Honestly, my husband is in NYPD and when he was on patrol he used to talk to his coworkers on his cell phone all day long when he wasn't busy. Sometimes it would annoy me that he always had time for them, but frequently blew me off while at work. I was lucky...his close friends were all male so nothing to worry about. But if they had happened to be females I think I would have been very jealous if he was calling them all day. THe job can be very boring, does your dh have a partner? Partners are your best source of info.
I'm thinking he was speaking to her out of boredom. YOu, after all are asleep and he is driving around on the streets without company. He was probably just passing time...unfortunately with a female. After all he is not spending his time talking to her during the day time or when he is with you, right? I doubt you have much to worry about. If you were speaking to a man all day who you never mentioned, he would probably be upset. Men can be dense and it probably just took you to point this out to him. At least he is now apologetic.
However, if I were you I would continue to check the phone bills. It will not be easy for him to discontinue friendship, but it is very reasonable to request. HE has agreed, right? SO it should not be a problem. Are you close with other cops at the precinct...or their wives? I would consider developing relationships with them, not just to check up but to feel more apart of his working world. I, personally, am more comfortable that way. Cops and their wives often have a very different lifestyle than people in other professions.
I think pregnancy can make us all feel less sexy and more vulnerable.
Message edited 6/1/2007 10:42:36 AM.
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:40 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
OK how is it that he spoke to her last night? Were they on the same shift? Or, was that another phone call....?
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:43 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by karacg
OK how is it that he spoke to her last night? Were they on the same shift? Or, was that another phone call....?
they work the same tour "Midnights".
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:44 AM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
If I remember correctly...When you are in the same squad, you always work the same shift. UNFORTUNATELY.
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:45 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by Aga
it just seems like you dont trust him anymore, which is sad since you are going to be parents soon... I think you need to talk to him about your trust issues but I am not sure if he can do or say anything at this point to make you forget what you already know... tough situation!
I would not say I don't trust him anymore, because I do. I just didn't like this particular situation.
You are right there is nothing he can say or do..it has to come from me, and I am trying to let it go.
Just needed to vent my frustration.
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:46 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by mimih
If I remember correctly...When you are in the same squad, you always work the same shift. UNFORTUNATELY.
good thing is..he may have no choice but to change his tour once the baby arrives. I doubt midnights will work for us once she's here.
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:47 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by mimih
Honestly, my husband is in NYPD and when he was on patrol he used to talk to his coworkers on his cell phone all day long when he wasn't busy. Sometimes it would annoy me that he always had time for them, but frequently blew me off while at work. I was lucky...his close friends were all male so nothing to worry about. But if they had happened to be females I think I would have been very jealous if he was calling them all day. THe job can be very boring, does your dh have a partner? Partners are your best source of info.
I'm thinking he was speaking to her out of boredom. YOu, after all are asleep and he is driving around on the streets without company. He was probably just passing time...unfortunately with a female. After all he is not spending his time talking to her during the day time or when he is with you, right? I doubt you have much to worry about. If you were speaking to a man all day who you never mentioned, he would probably be upset. Men can be dense and it probably just took you to point this out to him. At least he is now apologetic.
However, if I were you I would continue to check the phone bills. It will not be easy for him to discontinue friendship, but it is very reasonable to request. HE has agreed, right? SO it should not be a problem. Are you close with other cops at the precinct...or their wives? I would consider developing relationships with them, not just to check up but to feel more apart of his working world. I, personally, am more comfortable that way. Cops and their wives often have a very different lifestyle than people in other professions.
I think pregnancy can make us all feel less sexy and more vulnerable.
Thanks!!!!
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:48 AM |
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Phoebee
LIF Adult
Member since 11/06 1623 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
ITA w/ Amy!!! Couldn't have written it better!
I think you're doubting everything due to being extra sensitive right now. However, your DH obviously knows what's important and knows what he's got to loose. You will have to trust him, as this will not be healthy for you to continue w/ the rest of the pregnancy, let alone your marriage/life.
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:48 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by Porrruss
It sounds like he knew he was treading on thin ice by continuing the friendship. In a way, he's glad to be "caught"- as it gave him a reason to tell her, "enough". Sounds like it started very innocently and she was (maybe unintentionally) making more of it than it needed to go.
And the PP was right, pg CAN make you feel more emotional about things. I went through a similar situation with my DH. He had a coworker who seemed to be more interested in him than she needed to be. When I met her at a work function, she was going on and on about what a great guy he is, how lucky I am to have him ( ), how he's always "been there" for her, etc. I had never heard of this girl from DH! You can bet your @ss that I checked the cellphone records. Thankfully, it was nothing more than a fantasy on this girl's part (I had lots of *moles* watching out for me- it helps to be considered *the cool wife*) and my DH just being his normal helpful self.
You'll get through this. Whether you believe it or not, you are a BEAUTIFUL woman, pg or not, and your DH KNOWS how lucky he is to have you....
thank you!!
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:48 AM |
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Aga
hello baby Albert
Member since 9/05 7750 total posts
Name:
Aga
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Re: Follow up to - This pregnancy making me crazy...
Posted by mitabtrfly
Posted by Aga
it just seems like you dont trust him anymore, which is sad since you are going to be parents soon... I think you need to talk to him about your trust issues but I am not sure if he can do or say anything at this point to make you forget what you already know... tough situation!
I would not say I don't trust him anymore, because I do. I just didn't like this particular situation.
You are right there is nothing he can say or do..it has to come from me, and I am trying to let it go.
Just needed to vent my frustration.
sorry you are going through this right now
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| Posted 6/1/07 10:53 AM |
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