For all you step-mom's .... VENT!!

I am a step mom of 2 children, and pregnant for the 1st time. Lately I ve been feeling a little stressed out because all I hear is how things were when they were born. I asked what DH thought about taking a prenatal class and he says- Well, I think it's kind of a waste of time because I took it before and..blah...blah... Then this am I was talking to my mother in law and for some reason she starts explaining what happened when she got the call that DH's x wife was in labor and how she rushed out the door all excited and jumped on the ferry...etc.. And how my DH looked when she arrived at the hospital and he yelled out it's a girl!! I am sorry But i am just feeling like I am constantly being compared lately and that this baby isnt as important as DH's 1st two. Anyone else going through this?? This is my 1st baby and I want to full enjoy my pregnancy and experience this with my DH. Sorry this is so long, I needed to vent and get some input

Re: For all you step-mom's .... VENT!!

Can you talk to your DH about your feelings? Maybe he doesn't realize it is bothering you!

Re: For all you step-mom's .... VENT!!

I can relate! I have 2 step children that live with me and I had to hear all the time about eveything that happened when they were born from DH and MIL, and of course about the ex during pregnancy, and delivery, the whole deal. sometimes the kids talk about when they were born ehat there mom told them about it, and i cringe because she gave them up and my dh has custody, so to me, i cant deal with hearing strories about her. DH said he already took Lamaze class b4 and i told him too bad. I also explained to him that although he is mr. mom and knows it all and has btdt, this is all new for me, and i really dont want his past experience and knowledge to take away from me having my 1st. He told me he was sorry and that i was right. the mil and dh talking about the previous birth stuff, well, depending on my mood, i just tell him to spare me most of the details, unless i need to ask, lol! other times i just let him talk, i can understand he is proud of his stories. the mil just cant help herself sometimes, and that aint gonna chnage, arrggh.

Re: For all you step-mom's .... VENT!!

Re: For all you step-mom's .... VENT!!

Not a stepmom, but I am a step daughter. Honestly, you hear this no matter what- if you was not your DH's X, it would be a friend of his mom's or a co-worker etc...
I lived with my dad and stepmother has a young adult and am very, very close to my stepmother. She is more of a mom in many ways then my mom, but I love them both.
I can see why it would be upsetting though. I would probably not mind if the children were discussing their own story though. They are children and want to relate to the experience. I would never be upset over them telling positive stories about their mother. Giving up custody is not about not loving a child. It is often in the best interest of the child. My son is adopted and while I will never met his birth parents I love them and respect them and cannot imagine the pain they went thru to make a decision based on what is best for my son. While an X-wife is a different story, children should lbe able love and respect their parents and discuss them in positive ways. It helps no one when a child feels their parent does not love them.

Message edited 2/4/2008 12:54:03 PM.

Re: For all you step-mom's .... VENT!!

We are in the same boat...I am also a stepmom to two and am pregnant with my first! It is such a tough situation. It just seems like nothing comes easy with the two of them! I feel your pain.

Re: For all you step-mom's .... VENT!!

Wow.. how sad.
Talk about taking the steam out of the moment for you.

No advice but I am so sorry for you

Re: For all you step-mom's .... VENT!!

I am also a custodial stepmom of two pregnant with my first.

I laid down the law with DH as soon as we found out we were pregnant. No comparing pregnancies between me and his ex and he needed to let me be a first time mom. He's been excellent about it. We're lucky though because his youngest is 14 and a lot has changed since then. He's the one asking to go to classes. He also plans to be a hands-on dad, which he wasn't with his other two.

We are lucky in a way since he can help with the "what is going to happen" panic and he has first hand experience when it came to certain products (diapers, wipes, etc).

Hang in there.