For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

Sorry i am poking my head over here with a questions.

I am not planning on breastfeeding. I have done the research and believe that it is not for me.

This weekend I was sitting around with my sister who went off on me to the point she said "maybe if you are not willing to give your babies what is best for them, maybe you are not mature enough to be a mom"

I was so incredible hurt by that statement but let it pass.

So my question is do (or did) you face this a lot throughout your pregnancy from people, doctors, etc. My friend said the nurses in the hosptial acted poorly to her when she said she didn't want to breastfeed and i just don't think its right to do that to a mother.

Personally for me, I don't feel comfortable with the thought of it (even after all the research), I am going back to work and I am having twins so the thought of having to do all that work for two is just not comprehendable to me and i will need to help.

I have already decided to tell my sister to shut it if she has the nerve to say anything further to me about it, but I really don't want to deal with it from anyone else.

Message edited 2/21/2006 11:15:08 AM.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I am so sorry your sister said that to you. No one has the right to make that judgement on you. BFing is not for everyone and no one should be forced into it.

I will say that I did BF but I found the nurses to be NO help at all...they and the hospital ped pushed formula on me. My whole family hated the idea of my bfing..they all just said "well you can TRY but make sure you have formula on hand" so I had a TOTALLY opposite reaction in my world. And let me tell you it was REALLY hard and hurtful.

So from a bfing mom to you...don't feel bad. You have every right to make your own decisions.
I mean, if your sister had offered to help you with how to bfing twins or be a working mom who bfs and then said "this is your decision but I am here to support you either way" that would have been great, but her comments were hurtful and uncalled for.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I tried to breastfeed but my milk never came in. I've since learned the same thing happened to my mom and grandmother, so I guess it's genetic.

The nurses are very pro-breastfeeding, at least according to my friends who chose not to and were annoyed in the hospital that they were getting a guilt trip.

My ped and OB never commented either way about it. Also my family never tried to make me feel bad about it. I found that people you don't know are a lot more judgemental. Once in the park I was feeding Sarah a bottle and a mom asked me if it was breastmilk and when I said no she gave me a long lecture on how she's going to be stupid, sick, etc her whole life. I cried the whole way home.

Then a few weeks later some lady at the post office told me that it was obvious that Sarah was formula fed since she's so chunky and that I was being selfish not breastfeeding. I was so stunned that I tried to explain that I couldn't and she told me I was lying to make myself feel better. I got in the car and cried for like 5 minutes.

I've learned to try to let it go. FF vs. BF is a topic that people can get very emotional and heated about. You have to do what will make you comfortable, so that your baby will be comfortable.

Message edited 2/21/2006 11:38:57 AM.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

FM

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I am so sorry that your sister said this to you. Breastfeeding is a personal decision. I, like you, chose not to breastfeed. It just wasn't for me. Not one person has ever said anything negative to me regarding my decision. The nurses in the hospital never mentioned it. Just asked me if I was planning on it, when I said no, that was it. I will be honest and tell you that my daughter had a few rough weeks with ear infections and I started to blame myself for not breastfeeding. My pediatrician assured me that it was not my fault that my daughter was sick and that many breastfed babies get sick also. My daughter is a healthy, happy 10 month old and my chose not to breatfeed her has nothing to do with how much I love her. Tell your sister to mind her own business.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I'm sorry that your sister said that to you. I would feel very hurt as well.
I don't think whether you BF or not describes your ability to be a mother although some like to believe it does.
I personally chose to BF and it hasn't worked out exactly as planned so we use formula also but I can't tell you how many people say in a snotty tone "Are you still BFing, why don't you just stop". Because I don't want to plain and simple. You have the same right not to BF and no one should tell you otherwise.
Honestly if I was having twins I don't know if I would BF. I have a friend who did and a friend who didn't. You have to do what's best for you.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I had wanted to breast feed. I had decided that if it didn't work out then I would be ok with it. Well my milk never came in. They were putting my breasts in vacuums at the hospital and it was the most tramatic moments of my life so far. I felt like a complete failure. It wasn't until my husband (who had to leave work early because I was in such a bad way) said look it doesn't matter to me either way, I was looking forward to doing the overnight feedings and bonding with her anyways. Then I realized that it was going to be ok. I still wish I could have, even if I supplemented or gave her bottles of BM but it wasn't meant to be.

Do not let anyone make you feel bad. BF IMO is something that takes dedication. You must eat a certain way (avoiding foods that you weren't supposed to eat while pregnant), possibly giving up dairy and such, if that is not for you then that is what is best for your children! If you would be unhappy by doing it then it certainly wouldn't be benefitical to them. I also can't imagine trying to do that with twins. (Yes I know it's possible, just can't imagine it)

Don't let anyone make you feel bad! People in general REALLY need to stop putting their noses and stupid comments into people's lives. Not everything about everyone's life it there to be judged.

Good luck

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

Your sister was wrong to say that to you - in my opinion. Unfortunately there are those opinionated people who like to make you feel like you are feeding your child gasoline or something bad like that! While everyone is entitled to an opinion - it is wrong to hurt someone who is not doing something wrong and just has a different opinion.

I did not breast feed. I had no intentions on it. I personally had no desire or feel it is the right thing for a child. None of the information out there convinced me that there is anything wrong with formula feeding a baby.

I did not try and my hospital did not push it at all. In my tour and classes there was a lot of talk on how supportive they are of Bf and that scared me but they never once questioned my decision or asked me to try. My ped was the same. I had many people ask the question when I was preggo why I was not but luckily most people supported my decision who I surrounded myself with. I think I felt the most pressure/slack from message boards actually.

I never once regretted my decision to formula feed. Do what is best for you and your family.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

What a terrible thing for someone to say...

I didn't bf and I don't regret it either. Like all the other girls said...it's a personal decision...you do what makes you comfortable. No one should tell you that you're wrong...you're the mom...period.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I think what your sister said to you was very wrong and hurtful.

I did not BF. I told myself I would try but I knew I would have problems with it. So I tried at the hospital but let me tell you, the lactation consultants were very quick to give up on me. And while they didn't push formula on me, they certainly weren't too enthused about my pumping either. I kept up with the pumping for about 6 weeks and supplemented with formula. I did what worked best for me and I make no apologies. BFing is not for everyone and that's fine.

I was lucky and did not hear the horrible comments that some of the other moms did. I can't believe people sometimes! I delivered at Winthrop and I have to say, they were not the "breastfeeding nazis" everyone had warned me about.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I BF, but let me tell you, knowing how hard it is and how much time and dedication it requires, if I knew I was having twins, there's simply no way in hell I'd do it...

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

Thank you all for your kind words. I was really down on myself last night about this all. I just feel after 9 months of carrying these little guys and the amount of non sleep i will have once they are here, to put the added strain that i would be the one totally responsible for feeding these 2 and whatnot was just a lot to handle. Especially since I personally did not want to even to start off with.

I think i am incredible mature and ready to have children and have done a lot of research on the matter. I am not being harmful to my children by formula feeding them and i was shocked at how my sister made me feel. Plus i have gotten remarks from other family members so i was frustrated.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

Maybe we should switch families If you ever need formula feeding encouragement I can give you my mom's numbers...she will be thrilled to hear you are formula feeding.

Again, it is your decision and only yours.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I have to say that I think that is a terrible thing for your sister to say!!!! Breastfeeding twins is NOT an easy thing to do!
I FM'd you.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

That was so wrong of your sister to say that to you.

I had no desire to BF. I had someone try to make me feel bad that I didn't want to BF and this woman never had her own kids so who is she to try to make me feel guilty that I didn't want to BF.

I delivered at Stony Brook and the nurses never pushed me to try to BF.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

Sorry to hear that your sister said that!

I like you chose not to BF. I never felt that it was for me. I found that in the hospital I was kind of looked down upon by certain nurses for choosing not to do it. Its something some people want to do and others don't. Nobody has the right to make anyone feel bad for choosing to do it or not! But I just wanted to let you know that I fell the same way about some poeple making you feel bad about not doing it.

Re: For Mom's Who Did not Breastfeed

I cant believe for the life of me someone would say such a horrible thing....

I like Michelle were surrounded by people (w/ the exception of my mom) who looked down upon my decision to BF. I actually was told @ one point....I was starving my son in choosing to BF and thats why he lost weight in the hospital.

All the stress these people added to my life of new mommyhood, I ended up going weight gaining obsessed- I was always paranoid he wasnt gaining enough-eating enough...and I ended up giving up a little after a month- and I truely regret it

I am a STRONG believer in the right thing for your baby- is what your most comfortable doing. And NO ONE should make you feel differently... Feeding your baby is somthing you should do w/ joy.. and for everyone it is different. Be proud of your decision- you'll be a wonderful mom...and everone who disagrees can go scratch!