For those of you who are close with your parents...

How do you deal with it when your parents really are against a major life decision you and your DH have made? I know, I know...I am an adult, so I should just accept that they are not happy and they have to deal. But let's face it, I am very close with my parents and their opinion matters a lot to me.
JT ended up accepting the position at his job to work M-F 4pm-midnight. My parents are horrified that we decided this. I feel like they're always making me second-guess what I do with my life if I don't choose to do exactly what they want me to. Yet, with my sister, they just say, "Oh well, if that's what she wants to do, that's what she wants to do."
It makes me feel like a child again, and I hate it. I wish I could just grow out of caring what they think, but I just can't for some reason. Especially now that I have a baby. They just seem to be getting more critical with everyday. I'm a mature, responsible adult with my own life, and it really annoys me that they do this.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I am close with my parents too and I always second guess what I do no matter how old I get. If you and JT are comfortable with your decision and it is what is best for the 3 of you then that is all that matters. It will be okay.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I'm sorry, it's never easy but the way I look it is that DH is my family now too and I have to do what's best for us.


You're parents are probably just worried that you'll be alone since you'll be on opposite hours. My DH and I have been on opposite hours for most of our whole relationship and it's been fine for us. We really cherish the time we do get to spend together and don't waste a lot of time bickering...

With DH's current work schedule I haven't had a face to face conversation with him since Sunday morning (thank God for phones and text messages)

Good luck to you!

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

nothing you do will ever be 100% approved by them

i go through this too- if my mom doesnt like my decision i get a stomach ache..i wish i didnt because im an adult and shes not always right...

my husband spends 1 night a week at his parents house..of course my mom tells me he should be with me (but his commute is soooo long and staying ner his job 1 night a week helps a little) and she has alot ot say about it..i was fine until she opened her mouth..sometimes, moms dont know when to shut it - its really your life and if you are okay with something that should be good enough

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

Thanks girls I just hate when I start to second guess myself when I know I'm doing the right thing for me and JT.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

i have yet to experience this

thus far my parents have supported everything i have decided

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

But if they did..

i would have to feel confident that my DH and i are making teh BEST decision for us..

and ONLY WE would know what decisionn that is..

so although they may not understand it..i would hope that they would accept it..knowing their daughter was better off

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I would try not to take it personally, they are probably just concerned. I am sure they have seen you struggle during the Ava's newborn stage and now you will be alone a lot. It is their job to care about their daughter - and that doesn't stop when you have your own child.

Honestly, even when you posted the job situation on here, a lot of us were concerned about it. I think with time they will be okay with it.

My parents are the same way, but in the end, you have to do what is best for you and your new family!

Message edited 9/1/2006 9:53:44 PM.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I was the same way you were. I always wanted their approval. But eventually I realized that I didn't need it anymore and I do what's best for DH, DD and me.

It still bothers me sometimes when we don't see eye to eye but it doesn't mean that my decision is wrong. Eventually our parent's will not be around and I think it's important that we start doing this now so it won't be such a shock later.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

Leo and I were going back and forth for the last 2 days about a house that we were in contract with. Inspection came back leaving much to be desired. My father straight up called me and said I wasn't buying it..just like that.

I said well if we buy it, sellers will have to pay..he cut me off and said you are not buying it...

He then proceeded to tell me that Leo doesn't need a new company, new house and new baby in the same 3 months. I am putting too much pressure on him and I should get an apartment near Leo's job and save more money..It wasn't even a discussion.

It did very much so push me towards not wanting the house, Leo came home from work, I told him and he said sounds like your father has a good plan....

We backed out of the house today, feeling good about it..we start apartment hunting near leo's job on Sunday

A lot of what my parents say makes me angry at the time, but when I wake up the next morning, they are usually right. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I challenge it. You have to live your own life, make your own decisions, and just be thankful that your parents care enough to intervene.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I think what you are saying makes perfect sense and I think even though you might take it as always second guessing your decisions, it is probably bc you know deep down that they truly are supporting you and want whats best for you. I think sometimes we agonize over this bc we think, "maybe they are right" or "what if they are right" etc... I agree for me it takes me back to being a child but I think its very normal and happens to alot of us. My advice...do whats best for your family and always consider what others say but make your family (the 3 of you) happy. P.S. me and my dh were so excited about doing 3d/4d sono and the idea is really going downhill from the inlaws points of views and my moms. So believe me I know what you mean by second guessing your decisions.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I'm not that close with my parents but knowing they don't approve of something or are annoyed still gets to me. I think it's just really hard to completely detach from how your parents feel about decisions you make.
But like you said we're adults so you just have to know that you and JT made the decision that you feel is best for your family. We have to put our husbands and children first now and I guess that just takes practice doing it without guilt.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

its not my parents, but my sister has a way of doing this. when i know i'm right i put my foot down and she will usually back down. when i know she is right, i'll go along with her plan.

she can be very abrasive and i know what she is saying makes sense, but she is usually very pissy when she talks to me about certian things, so it just comes out like that

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

Ok, well, I just got done talking to my mother. It was really bothering me, so I told her that I was getting annoyed that I feel like they are constantly criticizing what JT and I are doing. My mother's response was that she can only speak from her own experiences, and that she needs to realize sometimes that I am not her, and what worked or didn't work for her, may not be the case for me. She also reiterated that her and my father have nothing but respect for JT and I for trying to find solutions to all these new situations that keep popping up with the baby. But of course, she also had to add that she is my mother and can say whatever she wants to me, and I don't have to like it. Guess she's right.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

wow, aren't moms the best??

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I am very close with my parents, but Dh and I are a family and we have to what is best for us...my parents offer their opinion and I appreciate it, but I have to do what is best for us.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I totally know where you are coming from on this one. There have been situations where my mother has down-right dissapproved of my our decisions. For instance, she was not happy when we bought our house because of the area, etc. My DH and I knew that it was something that was right for us - and maybe she didn't have all the "facts". But, don't get me wrong - there have also been times that we have done things that Mom disagrees with - and in the end she was right. But we need to learn our own lessons and work through them ourselves. It's a wonderful thing to have your Mom's opinion, but I know that sometimes I have to just take it lightly for my own sanity :)

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

My mom is my best friend, so when she says something that is not what I want to hear, I give what she is saying a great deal of consideration.

In the end, with all of our parents, I think they want the best for their daughters. Maybe they aren't thinking so much of what is best for you and J.T., but what will be hardest on their little girl. And knowing how hard the first months with Ava were, maybe they thought that you having her alone every weeknight after working will be another hardship.

That's what I see from my mom--in the end, she just wants me above all else to be happy.

My dad, on the other hand, puts down all of my decisions, so I have learned to ignore him.

Message edited 9/2/2006 9:50:30 AM.

Re: For those of you who are close with your parents...

I need help with this as well. I swear I feel like a teenager sometimes when it comes to my mom, and even my sister sometimes. It $ucks.

Rach, just know you're not alone