For those who have gone through infertility...

Am I the only one who despises when people who have never had infertility issues tell you if you had just relaxed you would have gotten pregnant... Someone said it to me today and even though I am pregnant now it still made me so upset. I know there is a bit of truth to this but I also know sometimes there are medical reasons you can't conceive, and I was relaxed the first 6 months of ttc, because I really thought I would get pregnant on my own but I didn't and when ttc for another 2 years after that it's kind of hard to just relax. And I was no more relaxed the month I conceived then any other month ttc. It doesn't help the woman telling me this has 4 kids all conceived 18-20 months apart and has never had an issue conceiving. Anyway just saying maybe being pregnant is making me all emotional but it made me feel like it was my fault I couldn't get pregnant if I could have relaxed I would have been pregnant without any intervention, like I wasn't already eating healthy exercising taking special vitamins to improve egg quality etc if only I tried a little harder to relax all would have been fine and I would have gotten pregnant by accident. Sorry just had to vent...

Re: For those who have gone through infertility...

I don't tell anyone to avoid BS like this. I learned a long time ago most people don't care or if they do care, just don't understand. I save myself the frustration by never telling anyone about IF issues. Try to say less to others to avoid this nonsense. Sorry you are feeling down. Being pregnant does not erase all the pain and struggle, I can vouch for that.

Message edited 9/15/2016 9:59:09 PM.

Re: For those who have gone through infertility...

When I got pregnant, it was from a round of IVF after having already been through the trenches of infertility and then going the surrogacy route.

When my surrogate didn't work out and we did another round of IVF, we wanted certain people (specific/judgmental people who were bound to say stupid stuff like this) to know that yes we DID still have to go through IVF... And no DIDN'T just get pregnant naturally after "just relaxing" while searching for someone to carry.

For those who have gone through infertility...

Honestly, im coming to find that people are generally idiots even if they mean well.

You have every right to vent!

Re: For those who have gone through infertility...

I think there are people who try to be helpful with providing feedback like that. I agree, it kind of angered me when people said it. I am very open about my fertility struggle so I usually just tell people that my reason for infertility is 100% medical.

Re: For those who have gone through infertility...

Vent away!! I wanted to slap people who said "relax and it will happen" umm, no it won't.
After a while I just learned to ignore what stupid people said to me.

Re: For those who have gone through infertility...

A good answer is, "It's pointless and patronizing to tell anyone to calm down. Does that ever calm anyone down? But to do it while blaming someone for their infertility is just not smart."

For those who have gone through infertility...

Thanks so much everyone for listening to me vent and understanding :). I think having gone through infertility it has left a little emotional scar with me I thought after getting pregnant I would kind of forget it all but I definitely haven't. I will always be praying for all the women who want to be moms so badly and are working so hard to achieve it.

Re: For those who have gone through infertility...

I absolutely believe that infertility leaves an emotional scar that will never go away. We did 3 yrs, 8 IUIS, and 3 IVFS and all were bfn. By some miracle we just found out we are pregnant naturally; we stopped ttc 2 yrs ago. I've had a couple people say, "see all you had to do was relax" and I wanted to scream! I was not relaxed, I was not sleeping, I was stressed, I just changed jobs, I was smoking cigarettes.. everything you're not supposed to do. I am having a hard time relaxing and enjoying everything right now because of all of the trauma of IF. I also can't shake this guilt...why me. I will never forget the IF journey and I believe it changes people; I will never be who I was before IF.

Best wishes!!!!

Re: For those who have gone through infertility...

Re: For those who have gone through infertility...