for those who have moved far away

If you have moved somewhere far away from long island or where ever else where you are no longer near your family or friends (basically starting over somewhere new) please tell me how do you deal with the following:

1) Who watches your kids when you need help? ie errand, sick, whatever where your spouse is unable to or need a break?

2) How do you deal with not having anyone to share your new (probably a lot bigger house than in NY) to? No one over for dinner, BBQ etc.?

3) do you feel lonely? and if you do what do you do? and was it easy to meet people to start over?

4) regret about moving? would move back to NY even though you would have less?

5) how do you buy in an area where you don't know and basically taking the advice of realtors?

6) having a hard time down south b/c your a New Yorker? a friend said everyone didn't like him where he moved (VA)

I own in LI but my husband was offered a job making more than what he makes here to go somewhere i've never even visited. i am trying to get answers to some of my fears.

Re: for those who have moved far away

Message edited 2/11/2008 3:46:55 PM.

Re: for those who have moved far away

1) Who watches your kids when you need help? ie errand, sick, whatever where your spouse is unable to or need a break?
Well, we struggle with this one and honestly we woudl struggle with it at home too. The times I need help are during the day, during the week (where EVERYONE works). So, we deal and ask friends. Daughter is also in school. DH steps it up and helps with situations like this.

2) How do you deal with not having anyone to share your new (probably a lot bigger house than in NY) to? No one over for dinner, BBQ etc.? Sometimes we wiish we could move the house up for the holiday's, however we have great friends and family friends around now (8yrs. later). We have plenty of visitors to share trhe wealth.

3) do you feel lonely? and if you do what do you do? and was it easy to meet people to start over?
It was easy to meet people. When I worked I had wonderful work friends who are my family as well. When I had DD I have met amazing Mom friends whom I am close with. I do ok... It's obviously not the same if you have a sibling close by, but again as a mom I feel I would be in the same boat on LI. meeting new other moms and starting over when all my good friends have already moved off of LI anyway.

4) regret about moving? would move back to NY even though you would have less? NO regrets!!!! NOPE, never move back to NY.

5) how do you buy in an area where you don't know and basically taking the advice of realtors? We lived in an apartment complex close to our job for 1 yr. so that we could figure out an area we wanted to live in and settle down in.

6) having a hard time down south b/c your a New Yorker? a friend said everyone didn't like him where he moved (VA) UM< NO! I live in GA. and while there are some major red necks and southern pride people I ignore the ignorence, I remember wuit well NY having some red necks
Anyway, Where ever you go you will get (living down South) oh you a Yankee! Yup! ok... and they move on... When I first moved down it was hi my name is... yours...? What church do you belong to? We don't attend church...WHAT! you must... that is the biggest thing we have gotten to date. Everyone knows us and we are good people so have no probelm with anyone. Good luck in your adventure.

Re: for those who have moved far away

I moved out of the country in 1999, and my I love living in the UK...so let me answer some of your questions as best I can.

1) Who watches your kids when you need help? ie errand, sick, whatever where your spouse is unable to or need a break?

I work 4 days a week and my son is in a wonderfull daycare. If I am sick, luckily he can go to daycare, or my husband looks after him. I also have friends who would happily take the boy for me if the need be.

2) How do you deal with not having anyone to share your new (probably a lot bigger house than in NY) to? No one over for dinner, BBQ etc.?

Well, after a while you will meet people and invite them over. Its not instant, but you will make friends who you want to entertain in your house!

3) do you feel lonely? and if you do what do you do? and was it easy to meet people to start over?

I don't feel lonely, I met a lot of friends through my son and through work and I have my very best friend here, Rosemary. No, I mean my husband! Rosemary is just my other best friend. Its not that difficult to make friends, sometimes you have to make the first move to get their phone number, but if you have something in common, it can often be the grounds for a good relationship!

4) regret about moving? would move back to NY even though you would have less?

I don't regret moving at all, I absolutely love everything about where I live. Although the cost of living is high, it feels to us like its cheaper (probably because we bought our house before the prices went mental) If I wanted to stop working, we could afford it. Also, sometimes I feel as if I am living in another country, you do lose the sort of novelty of being abroad after a while. The community where I live is fantastic and there are lots of people with small kids like mine looking to make friends, so thats a big plus.

5) how do you buy in an area where you don't know and basically taking the advice of realtors?

You need to speak to people rather than realtors, speak to your husband potential co-workers, ask around if anyone knows someone who lives down there who you could call. And use your own common sense.

6) having a hard time down south b/c your a New Yorker? a friend said everyone didn't like him where he moved (VA)

Can't answer htis one, but I can say that if you go into something with a negative attitude, its almost like that negativity just wipes off onto other people and they can feel it on you. So if you are positive and shrug off anything that anyone says, it won't matter to you!

Good Luck!

Re: for those who have moved far away

1) I cannot help you
2) You will meet people who you can share your new place with.
3) It is hard to be lonely in NC, everyone is friendly and a lot of LIF girls live here. I think I got together with stephanief and sunflower13 within 2 weeks of moving down and I met Nicole728 before I moved down.
4) My DH's boss asked me this today and I gave him a 2 word respone which is not suitable for LIF but it was to the effect of no way. There was a freak snowstorm but otherwise it is usually btwn 50-75 in the winter.
5) Janice, Nicole and randomness helped us find our current place. I never met with a realtor.
6) I have met so many people in our development from NY and NJ it is crazy. People here either have a New Yawk, Joisey or Southern accent.

I picked NC off the map because of NASCAR and all the LIF girls down here. Best decision ever to pick a place off the map and go.

ets: The Confederate flag does not start waving untill SC so it is still safe to live in NC.

Message edited 2/11/2008 4:06:06 PM.

Re: for those who have moved far away

Posted by Emily

ets: The Confederate flag does not start waving untill SC so it is still safe to live in NC.

Re: for those who have moved far away

1) Who watches your kids when you need help? ie errand, sick, whatever where your spouse is unable to or need a break? Uh, no one. I am in the process of hiring a babysitter.

2) How do you deal with not having anyone to share your new (probably a lot bigger house than in NY) to? No one over for dinner, BBQ etc.? We're working on making new friends to socialize with, but we are living in a rental right now and haven't tried too hard. I think it'll be easier/we'll try harder when we're in a permanent house.

3) do you feel lonely? and if you do what do you do? and was it easy to meet people to start over? Yes, I feel lonely ALOT. I wouldn't say it's been easy to meet people, but in the end, I feel this was the best move for us. The money DH is making in his new position has allowed me to be a SAHM so it makes everything worthwhile to me. I think it if tried even a little bit harder to meet people, it wouldn't be too difficult. I've been "hibernating" due to the cold & snow here too.

4) regret about moving? would move back to NY even though you would have less? Very few regrets. Somtimes it's really hard. I'd say 85% of the time I'm happy. I really feel we made the right choice for us.

5) how do you buy in an area where you don't know and basically taking the advice of realtors? We haven't bought yet. We rented first and I've been doing research on where we want to buy.

6) having a hard time down south b/c your a New Yorker? a friend said everyone didn't like him where he moved (VA)
We don't live down south. We're in Chicago. People have been very welcoming for the most part. When they hear we're from NY they get excited and ask lots of questions. If anything, it's been a great ice breaker/conversation starter.

Message edited 2/11/2008 6:13:28 PM.

Re: for those who have moved far away

1) Who watches your kids when you need help? ie errand, sick, whatever where your spouse is unable to or need a break?

no one. They should have never cut the umbilical cord.

2) How do you deal with not having anyone to share your new (probably a lot bigger house than in NY) to? No one over for dinner, BBQ etc.?

I have been to BBQs down here, Superbowl parties, b-day parties...tons of NY transplants, all in the same situation.

3) do you feel lonely? and if you do what do you do? and was it easy to meet people to start over?

not easy to start over, make sure your DH is your BFF, I am too busy to get really lonely. I have only had one really bad homesick day...the NYC marathon. My dad runs every year and it was kind of our thing.

4) regret about moving? would move back to NY even though you would have less?

no regrets, I don't know 100% that Charlotte is for us, but I know that NY would never work. I did not move for a large house, I moved to be a SAHM.

5) how do you buy in an area where you don't know and basically taking the advice of realtors?

I put bids on homes in Meghanmetz's area...I would rent first before buying

6) having a hard time down south b/c your a New Yorker? a friend said everyone didn't like him where he moved (VA)

I mainly hang with transplants. DH is a social butterfly, so I have hung out with his friend's wives.

Re: for those who have moved far away

I agree with JessInCA

Re: for those who have moved far away

i notice a few of you saying that you moved to be a SAHM. i am a SAHM here. if i was to leave it would be for a bigger house/more for my money kind of thing. but for you SAHMs, if you could be a SAHM here in NY would you still have left if that was a big factor in your decision on leaving?

and seriously, i am not so sure about how everyone is doing it with the #1 questions about where to leave kids when ill or whatever. what if you move and really don't know anyone yet and need a sitter? ideas?

Re: for those who have moved far away

I moved to NY from MN, away from our families. DH was offered a position making more and with more potential and we moved to LI sight unseen at first. We rent, but now looking to buy.

1) Who watches your kids when you need help? ie errand, sick, whatever where your spouse is unable to or need a break?
-- We have a couple good babysitters we trust for when we want to go out. One is a daughter of a colleague and the other is a daycare teacher. As for everyday errands, etc, it's one of us. If DH is out of town and I'm sick or need to run an errand, I'm the one taking care of DD and the errand doesn't get done unless I take her with me. It ***** but we don't have an option.

2) How do you deal with not having anyone to share your new (probably a lot bigger house than in NY) to?
--- While we don't have the bigger house, we don't have a lot of friends nearby to have over. Honestly, this does affect me a lot. We do have people over once in a blue moon and we have family staying with us once every six months. I guess I just deal in the time between.

3) do you feel lonely? and if you do what do you do? and was it easy to meet people to start over?
--- I do feel lonely sometimes. I think that affected me by giving me baby fever in 2006, which resulted in our daughter. Not so lonely anymore but do crave a social life too. I haven't found it easy to meet people because I'm shy. The friends I have met are through my work or through DH's work colleagues.

4) regret about moving? would move back to NY even though you would have less?
-- At first I really regretted leaving MN. We had intentions of moving back in a few years. Now, when I go back, I miss NY while I'm there. I've grown to love NY and that's surprising to me since I was such a country girl. (Not quite the same as leaving NY for the south but maybe some people can relate.)

5) how do you buy in an area where you don't know and basically taking the advice of realtors?
-- My advice is not to buy right away but rent and check out the different areas for yourself. We are hoping to buy on LI later this year (moving from NYC) and we don't know much of LI that well so I'm taking the advice of coworkers and message boards. And looking up neighborhood statistics. Good schools and low crimes = good area.

6) having a hard time down south b/c your a New Yorker? a friend said everyone didn't like him where he moved (VA)
-- No advice here. I've had a pretty warm welcome in NY. I've heard a few too many "Fargo" accents but otherwise it's been fine and a couple references of shopping at Wal-Mart, as if I lived in the boondocks. (For the record, Target reigns in MN.) I don't take anything seriously though.

Re: for those who have moved far away

Re: for those who have moved far away

I'll answer it the other way - we were far away (in So California) and we moved back to NY when we had kids. We have NO REGRETS about moving when we did - we LOVE it in CA and will probably move back when the kids are off to college, but we are so happy that our kids are around family.

The bond that my oldest son has with my father is PRICELESS and that (plus the schools) are why we don't move back sooner.

I would have never have finished my last degree without babysitters (mom and dad) when I had to do an unpaid internship. The babysitting is priceless.


I was more lonely than DH, but I met a few girls and that's when it starts to get better. But it was nice to have the quality time with DH.

We rented first for 6 months - we knew the area we wanted when we moved out, but I'm glad we rented first, b/c I may have overlooked the place that we did end up buying in.

Re: for those who have moved far away

Re: for those who have moved far away

We moved back to Long Island after two and a half years of living upstate. We don't make a lot of money together but it was better with regards to having family closer. I felt really isolated and I'm happy we are back. We moved back when I became pregnant with baby #2.

Message edited 2/12/2008 9:47:12 PM.