frustrated with baby shower

Where should I even start? My MIL wants to plan my baby shower for April 26th and my mother is offended because she wants to plan it herself and doesnt want to step on my MIL toes about it. Each of the families had alot going on with sicknesses lately and have been in and out of hospitals for the past month between all of us. Well, the days keep ticking by and its getting closer and closer to my due date of June 14th with our FIRST baby and STILL no invites have been sent out, nor has a place been booked. The families do not want to spend alot and we are looking to rent possibly the clubhouse in my mother's community where she lives. I am very disappointed to say the least, that for one, it's not a surprise and my MIL keeps asking me what day/time, food, and basically what to do for the whole shower. I did not want to get involved in planning ANY of this. My wedding planning was enough back in January 2008. I have had only one friend step up and offer her assistance- jesssnflwr in fact who lives in NY when I live in Florida BUT STILL offerred help from 1300 miles away! So, all in all, I am disappointed with my family for all wanting to plan it and now coming up with excuses and no set date or place. :( Anyone else here have to plan their OWN baby shower? I feel that if I dont plan it, it wont turn out very nice and it will be last minute and nobody will show. Any advice anyone??

Re: frustrated with baby shower

my only advice is to tell your MIL that you hoped it would be a surprise and you would rather not be invovled in the planning at all because you are busy getting this ready for the baby. also, i would mention to her that you thought your mom was throwing you a shower and now she feels left out of all the planning - why in the world would your MIL think that she has more of a right to plan your baby shower than your own mother?

Message edited 3/17/2008 10:43:02 AM.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

I told her this actually last weekend.. she called once again asking what to do and everything, and I said, honestly, these things are supposed to be a surprise and Im not to be involved at all, so whatever you want to do, you do. But I guess she didn't get that. The type of lady she is , is one who is very much into her son (my DH) and I feel like she is doing this because it's her son and this is her first grandchild. I honestly don't feel that she is doing this for "me". Get what I mean? Typically, I would think that my mother should be the one to plan it and she would just "show up"... and not get involved. I dont know how to fix this issue here. On another note, my mother is not very reliable and is a procrastinator on top of it, which is why I feel that I have to plan this all myself just like my wedding.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

Posted by pumpkinpye517

I told her this actually last weekend.. she called once again asking what to do and everything, and I said, honestly, these things are supposed to be a surprise and Im not to be involved at all, so whatever you want to do, you do. But I guess she didn't get that. The type of lady she is , is one who is very much into her son (my DH) and I feel like she is doing this because it's her son and this is her first grandchild. I honestly don't feel that she is doing this for "me". Get what I mean? Typically, I would think that my mother should be the one to plan it and she would just "show up"... and not get involved. I dont know how to fix this issue here. On another note, my mother is not very reliable and is a procrastinator on top of it, which is why I feel that I have to plan this all myself just like my wedding.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

I did that too.. and my MIL called my mom at some point and then my MIL called me telling me that she called her and left a message. Im like ok.. and why are you telling me?

All Im trying to do is to enjoy this pregnancy through all of these aches/pains and to NOT be stressed.. and a baby shower should NOT be frustrating and unfortunately my mother and my MIL have made it this way for me to the point where I almost don't even want to have one to be honest. how sad. I don't even have friends here who know the situation offering to say, hey, ill plan it for you..

Message edited 10/23/2009 12:31:49 PM.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

Just tell your MIL that you don't want to be involved or know about your baby shower. If she has anything to say about the baby shower...just tell her to contact your mom.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

I guess she just doesnt get it. I have to be more firm and put my foot down. I think Im going to have to even tell my DH to let his mother know to PLEASE not ask me and for him to let her know that I should not have any part in it and that Im getting too stressed out. oy.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

My mom and I were on really bad terms during the planning of my shower. So even though my parents paid for it, I planned the whole thing. I was so upset over it, obvioulsy it wasn't the way I envisioned it. I did everything from ordering and sending out the invites, to buying and setting up the centerpieces and favors. My friends s^cked with planning my bridal shower and then my mom dropped the ball on my baby shower. It would have been nice if just one thing could have been done nicely on my behalf.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

aw this sounds all too familiar. Deep down I dont think my mom wants to be bothered with the whole planning and money aspect of it.. .and so she is turning it on my MIL by saying, "she doesnt want to step on her toes" so she doesnt look bad herself.

I started gathering my addresses and I guess my DH and I will be putting the deposit down and Ill be decorating and everything else that goes along with planning. Im not even motivated to do all of this b/c Im pretty hurt to say the least.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

I think your moms should talk and discuss your shower and how you don't want to be involved and want it to be a surprise.

I'm sorry you are going through this!

Re: frustrated with baby shower

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I can completely relate, I know exactly how you feel. Since so much is being left up to you, maybe you can atleast delegate. Pick out the invitations you want and have them sent to your moms house and have her handle addressing and mailing them. Let you MIL know that the place has been booked and what type of food you want and let her handle odering/cooking. Go out and get the decorations that you want and then ask a couple of friends to handle the set up.

Re: frustrated with baby shower

I can definitely sympathize with you. I really hate having showers because of my family aspect. My mother is handicapped and because of cancer, she has no short term memory. Therefore the thoughts of throwing me a shower or even getting me a gift just aren't there. Usually i am the one reminding her of birthdays, anniversaries, making sure gifts get bought, etc. But when it's for me, no one has the thought to take care of that.

Then there is my sister who i don't speak with. I also have a SIL who i planned and paid for 1/2 of her shower, not to mention spent about $600 on gifts for her. She is originally from mexico and her and my brother don't have many friends. So i was nervous they wouldn't get the things they needed and i bought them. But here we are for mine and the thought hasn't even occurred to either of them to do something for mine or to help with mine.

Therefore my other SIL and her family have taken on that task, as did they for my bridal shower. And it's just so upsetting, disappointing, sad, embarrassing and so forth that i get left in the dust when it comes to my family. Sometimes so much so that i don't even want to have a shower. So i completely understand where you're coming from.

My advice is that since your MIL has taken charge, i'd seriously just answer her questions. She clearly is trying to plan this because your mother hasn't stepped up yet, realizes that you're running out of time and maybe she's never done this before so she's not sure what to do. So i would just try to help her out as much as possible so that you aren't the one doing all the work. You got to give your MIL credit for stepping up, you know?

Message edited 3/17/2008 2:27:41 PM.