Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

I really thought that I could do it all...work full time and be a good mother and keep the house clean and the bills paid and manage to get a few hours of sleep once in awhile but after only 1 week back at work, I am just out of my mind. I haven't spent any time with my son since Sunday because he's sleeping when I leave and ready for bed when I get home. I need to work to pay our bills but at this point I am about to make a bad rash decision and quit my job to stay home and live off our savings and sell the house if necessary. I feel like a terrible mother and am generally miserable. How on earth does everyone do this?!

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

working full time and managing a house and kids is not easy.. luckily for me i work 3 12 hour shifts a week and have 4 days off. the days i have off i catch up so i would imagine someone with a normal mon thru friday job would play catch up on the weekends.. i personally don't do much besides cook, bathe and put kids to bed on the days i work!

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

How old is your son? My DD is asleep when I leave but I pick her up from daycare and then I have a good 4 hours with her until she goes to bed. I hate the days like today where I have to stay late and I only get an hour or two with her. That's why my weekends are precious and I try to never make plans that don't include her for the weekends.

I know it's hard and it does sux big time. As your son gets older it will get a little easier, it has for me as my DD has gotten older.

As for doing all the chores- I make DH pay the bills and as for cleaning, honestly it happens when it happens. My house is always straightened but the deep cleanings happen when they happen because quite honestly I am freaking exhausted.

Hang in there

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

It has only been 1 week....it will all come together~

You will get yourself into a routine..

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

It's NOT easy, but you will find ways to make the situation work for you. I think that the fact that I couldn't wait to go back to work was a blessing for me because it really helped the transition.
You need to re-establish a routine, and that helps A LOT. Ava is finally staying up till about 7:15ish now, and it's nice because I get at least a few hours with her. You WILL do it and do it well. I promise. Just realize that a messy house and take out for dinner doesn't make you a bad mom, it makes you reasonable

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

Posted by Jamie

How old is your son? My DD is asleep when I leave but I pick her up from daycare and then I have a good 4 hours with her until she goes to bed. I hate the days like today where I have to stay late and I only get an hour or two with her. That's why my weekends are precious and I try to never make plans that don't include her for the weekends.

I know it's hard and it does sux big time. As your son gets older it will get a little easier, it has for me as my DD has gotten older.

As for doing all the chores- I make DH pay the bills and as for cleaning, honestly it happens when it happens. My house is always straightened but the deep cleanings happen when they happen because quite honestly I am freaking exhausted.

Hang in there

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

My son is 4 months old. I leave the house at 6:00am and get home between 7pm and 8pm on a good day. I commute to NYC and haven't been able to find anything on LI in my field. When I get home, I am unbelievably frustrated because I want to spend time with my son but he's in his cranky/tired mood and has to eat, then it take me forever to put him to bed. By that time I'm so starving that I'm too sick to eat dinner myself, and I have to go straight to bed to wake up a few hours later. I have no down time at all and always feel just so stressed and I find I'm starting to take it out on him.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

You are not alone I remember many times feeling resentful that I had to work and that I was too tired etc and being short with my DD.

Is there any way that you can come home even an hour earlier? Or stay later 2 days and leave the hour earlier the other 3?

If that is not possible there is nothing wrong with snuggling with him on the couch or bed for an hour before you put him into his crib. There are days the my DD doesn't nap at daycare and we take a very late nap 5-6 on the couch together. I love just holding her and feeling her on me. When she does this she usually goes to bed a half hour later since everything is pushed back.

But I definitely remember at 5 months (when I went back to work) it was very hard. I promise though it truly does get easier the older they get and the more used to the routine you both get.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

Could you cut your hours at all? For me, I work, take care of the baby and sleep. Cleaning is done by DH or I when we get to it. You can't ddo everything.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

Alexa I was wondering how you were doing. I'm feeling the same way. I drop off, work a full day, pick her up, attempt to spend time with her, but she's so exhausted from not napping at daycare that she sleeps from the minute I put her in the car seat until the next morning.

She cries hysterically when I wake her to put her in her PJ's and feed her. I only got to see her maybe 4 hours all week. Forget about dinner or the house.

I miss my DD so much, but we truly can NOT live on one salary. We are trying to find a solution to make this a little better. Would your job allow you to work one day from home? It can't hurt to ask.

I hope we both find the solution that works for us! I'm here if you ever want to chat

Message edited 3/15/2007 10:19:01 PM.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

Hang in there! It's only been one week!!! You'll learn that little things like a clean house come LAST! I swear, I do quick dustings/vacuumings on the weekends and my house still looks neater than some homes where someone is home all day! It's hard to keep up that way too! But BIG cleanings usually are on the backburners for me. Luckily I have a DH who likes to scrub the bathroom! I don't eat dinner when I get home, I play with Michael. I eat a light meal when he goes to bed, which tends to be late, but I'd rather color or play cars instead.

Anyway, it will take time to adjust and then you will find good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks, good months and bad months! I still go back and forth with how I feel. Some days it's so easy to go to work and others, I just want to stay home and read books to my son. You'll find a balance, but it won't be over night, heck, it may not even be this month, but you'll get there! Baby steps!

You don't want to quit your job, as you stated, you need to work... there are PLENTY of times, I say, money doesn't matter, a house doesn't matter, but in reality it does. You don't want to go backwards. Look where you are now, look what you've accomplished and think how much better it WILL be for your child that you continue to work! Really, it does get better, just give it some time! I've been where you are, I know exactly what you're going through! Plenty of hugs to you and ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND! DON'T CLEAN!

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

I'm the same boat (although I've been back a good month and a half now full time) - and it is still hard some days. I look forward to once in a while taking a day off to spend with DD or even giving myself a 'mental health day' to relax from everything to be fresh. We have dd's christening next weekend, and have we cleaned the house - nope? I think I will be taking a day to do that!

But I totally understand - its so hard to spend so little time with your baby! As I dropped her off at daycare this morning i'm like 'I feel like we just left, and here we are back again!'.

Its ok to be stressed. Give your DH some way to help if you can - i vent to him so much, occasionally it sinks in and he steps up to help more..

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

Message edited 3/16/2007 9:13:28 AM.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

I don't know how we do it, we just do. It's especially hard when the routine gets disrupted but once you're in that groove for a while it DOES get easier. So the managing-everything part gets better. The time spent w/DC is always an issue for me, but weekends are ALL about him and I either clean after he's in bed at night or just don't worry about it.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

Posted by LInative

I don't know how we do it, we just do. It's especially hard when the routine gets disrupted but once you're in that groove for a while it DOES get easier. So the managing-everything part gets better. The time spent w/DC is always an issue for me, but weekends are ALL about him and I either clean after he's in bed at night or just don't worry about it.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

It's not easy, and never is, but it does get better once you get yourself into a routine. I am dreading going back to work in April. It was BAD with one child, and now I have two!

And missing them never goes away

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

Is there any way you can cut your hours down to 20 or 25 per week and work PT?

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

I know it is so hard.......Just take things day by day. Like with the cleaning...Im so anal about keeping a clean house, so I do a little at a time, or a room per day.
In time it gets better.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

I agree with everyone else once you get a routine down, it makes it easier. It is always going to be tough leaving them. It's particularly tough in the beginning.

What eventually will happen is your son will stay awake more hours. Then you can adjust his sleeping schedule so you can spend a little time in the morning & night with him.

Re: Full-time working mothers: Oh My, I just can't do it

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am going to hang in there for as long as I can do it. I can't lessen my hours because as it is I only work 9-5 (it's the 2 hour commute each way that kills me). But I am going to ask for 1-2 days from home. IF they agree (doubtful) then I'll still need childcare but at least I can feed my son breakfast and dinner! I really admire all of you that have been doing this for months or years. Right now it seems just too hard but I am going to try!