Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

Hi All,

I need to talk to someone.

Has anyone felt like this....

This month we had our 2nd Anniversary.

Last year we've talked about TTC, my husband wanted to start this fall ('06) and said ok because it was like more than a year away and I would probably want to by then. But then it was New Years Eve and the ball dropped and I started to get scared and thinking OMG that's like 9 months away and we'll start a family!! So we talked again and explained how I was scared and maybe we could wait another year - he didn't see it my way at first, then he did and didn't pressure me.

But this past April I have felt different. Thinking how if I wait for next Fall ('07) the baby will be born after our 4th Anniversary it will be too long - I thought. So we talked again and decided to start this fall ('06) my Hubby's original start plan. I have a regular dr appointment scheduled in two weeks and I was going to ask about pre-natals

Until yesterday, I started to get scared again. Thinking how this is my last pack of pills (I just started my second week of pills) and I won't be on vacations for a bit after the baby is born (or while PG).

This year we have a vacation planned, but its a family vacation -- with my inlaws to their town in Italy. And I'm beginning to think it won't be much a vacation because of visiting family and stuff like that. I'm used to vacations of just him and me away from family -- and that's another thing I waited until my wedding night and have never been on a vacation before with my DH.

And so now I'm thinking maybe we should wait until next Fall ('07), but then I'm afraid when next fall comes I might push it back again


Anyone felt so confused, like this, before you TTC? Am I being selfish or is this normal? Maybe I'm not ready?--Actually when are you really ready?

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

we just decided what the heck, we'll have unprotected sex and leave it in God's hands

but seriously, if it scares you that much, I don’t think you’re ready yet. you're not being selfish at ALL!

Good luck

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

I think being selfish is having a baby just to have a baby. Or having a baby because it's the "next logical step" to take.

If you are that scared about it, then keep talking to your husband and be honest with him, and take it from there. It could also just be normal jitters. Everything changes when you have a baby and I think it's somewhat normal to be anxious and a little scared about how it will all effect you and your relationship.

Good luck!

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

If you're not ready, then you're not ready (though I do believe that no one is ever really "ready"!)

Don't let yourself feel pressure because you may be married 4 years before a baby either- there's NOTHING wrong with that at all! My brother and SIL are going on *9* years. That's what's worked for them. Personally, I'd love to have had more time with DH prior to TTC but we were a little older when we married so it's a biological clock issue.

You'll figure it out!

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

I will be married 4 years soon and we finally decided to TTC... I know it is the right thing to do and there are times when I am so excited to have a baby and then times when I am absolutely terrified and think "what am I doing?"

For me I don't honestly think I'll ever be 100% sure, but I am mostly sure most of the time and honestly, I agree, its in Gods hand now and generally everything happens for a reason, so I'm leaving it at that.

What I am saying is I think its normal to be scared... I try not to let myself dwell on all the things that will be different in our lives if I have a baby because it will just make me crazy. But I have to admit I did keep myself up one night trying to figure out how I was going to go on a vacation in July with a bunch of friends and not drink and how to explain I wasn't drinking and I'm not even pregnant yet!!!!

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? I wanted to wait a little longer too, but DH is 35 and wants to start very soon. I am only 27 (sshhhh don't tell anyone!) and I would like to wait a little longer.

If you are young and can wait, then maybe you should.....this way you won't have regrets....but make sure you actually do something!

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

If you're feeling scared and not ready, you should put off TTC. It's such a big life change and from your post it sounds like maybe you do need some more time with your DH before increasing the size of your family.

I don't think 4 years is long at all. My parents waited 5 years before they had me. (My mom was 21 when they got married, my dad was 23) They had actually only been dating 3 or 4 months when they got engaged- and they just celebrated their 39th wedding anniversary. My mom says that she wanted to wait so that they could develop as a couple before having children--and living together was NOT an option for them.

As for me, DH & I will be married 2 years in October. We dated for 3-1/2 years before we got married and we never lived together. I would love to have the luxury of waiting some more time and enjoying it just being us- but I'm going to be 34 at the end of June and I'm just feeling like it's time already. (tick tock tick tock)

Good luck I'm sure that you'll be able to figure this out.

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

I am still waiting to be ready...

i say when my kid turns 18 i just might be ready....but until then....


scared i am...

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

I don't know if you're ever really ready - its a huge unknown and there's always some reason to put it off...just keep in mind things may not happen right away. You could start trying now, and still be TTC a year from now.

I wouldn't set your timeline based on what seems like "too long". Our 4 year anniversary was in April, and we're expecting our first in June. We're more than a little scared...

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

We decided to wait until after my brother gets married and we have been saying that since last August. But now my brother is getting married in 11 days and I am so excited yet nervous... But i know the time is as right as its gonna get... for us anyway..

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

Unless your 35 or older. I think it would be okay to wait. If you are not ready, you're not ready. But, keep in mind that as you get older TTC may get difficult. I am 35 and never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have difficulty TTC.

I have a friend who has been married for 10 years and recently became pregnant. She waited because she wasn't ready. Don't feel guilty if you're not ready. But, do speak to DH about it.

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

Like the other ladies have said, if you think you're not ready then your not ready. TTC and having a baby are scary! Having a baby should be a mutual decision that you both are ready for. Babies change everything, and believe me I have a 3 week old and I still don't have all the answers.

Don't make the decision based on how long you have been together, or how long you have been married. It's something that you both want and deep down feel it's time to start your family and dream about what he/she will look like.

I know we talked about kids all the time, and we non verbally knew we were ready. We both noticed each other googling over babies in malls, stores, or friends babies. There was no negotiations or dates set.

Just like that feeling you get when you get married and you know he's the "one", we got the same feeling when we decided to chuck the BCP!

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

I agree with all of the ladies. I don't know if anyone is ever truly ready. However if you still have doubts, I say wait a little longer. Most importantly, don't stop communicating with your husband. Let him know how you feel so that you can work through it together.

I wish you lots of luck!

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

Today I don't feel as scared, I guess I just had a reality check when I took my BC. I'm going to talk to DH -- I didn't get to last night we both fell asleep watching TV.

Thank you to all who wrote -- I feel better. I think I just needed to talk to girls who've experience this or in the same boat. In my family, I will be first one and I don't have any friends who I can ask.


Curliegirl. I'm 28 and so is DH. He's told me he wants to have one by 30 - he want's to a young dad.


Sweetness, you said...."We both noticed each other googling over babies in malls, stores, or friends babies" -- is that sign, we have been doing this a lot lately?

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

Posted by Question

Today I don't feel as scared, I guess I just had a reality check when I took my BC. I'm going to talk to DH -- I didn't get to last night we both fell asleep watching TV.

Thank you to all who wrote -- I feel better. I think I just needed to talk to girls who've experience this or in the same boat. In my family, I will be first one and I don't have any friends who I can ask.


Curliegirl. I'm 28 and so is DH. He's told me he wants to have one by 30 - he want's to a young dad.


Sweetness, you said...."We both noticed each other googling over babies in malls, stores, or friends babies" -- is that sign, we have been doing this a lot lately?

Re: Going to start TTC - but a little scared....its a little long

I am so going through the EXACT same thing. its must be a 2yr anniversary thing i dont know what the right answer is for you, but if you feel like talking about it with someone in the same boat, feel free to FM me as for what DH & I are going to do, i think we're going to wait a little bit longer. i think with me, a lot of my freaking out had to do with the pressure of setting an exact "start" date.