Had another break down last night....

I had such an emotional night last night. It’s just so hard working full time and taking care of DS. I feel like I don’t get to spend much time with him. I feel like I am not a good wife. Sorry if TMI but DH is very deprived. I am so tired. DS caught my cold and gets up all throughout the night now. My house never gets clean. I know I can’t be superwoman but there just aren’t enough hours in the day to get things done. There are some days when I don’t even get to play with DS but the time I get home, feed him and prepare for the next day its time for bed. DH just doesn’t understand. He thinks I just don’t want to work. I just want to raise my baby!

Sorry for rambling. You girls are the only ones who can relate.

Re: Had another break down last night....

Oh Jess! It's tough to be a working mom and men just don't get it. Maybe you need a little break from DS. Can someone take him for a night so you and DH can go out to dinner and reconnect?

Re: Had another break down last night....

I'm soooo sorry you are feeling that way. I can TOTALLY relate. I feel the same exact way!!!

I really don't have many words of encouragement for you because I just started going back to work, but these are the steps I'm taking to try to help myself....

1) I hired a cleaning service to come every 2 weeks.

2) When I get home I only spend time with the baby. Dinner can wait. When DH gets home 2 hours later, he will bathe and put her down while I start dinner.

3) I am working very hard with my job and HR to get a flex schedule (work 2 days a week from home). Not sure if this is going to happen, but I'm certainly trying!

4) Updating my resume and working with a headhunter to find family friendly employment. I'm not necessarily going to change jobs, but if I can't get the flexibility I want where I am now - I want to find companies that have it. There are alot of them out there!!!!

Although nothing has changed yet (expect for the cleaning service which I LOVE!!) I feel that I'm working towards a better arrangement for my family.

The bottom line is I have to work, but if I can work from home 2 days a week I feel I have the best of both worlds. So I'm going to devote the little extra time to trying to find it.

I don't know if any of my suggestions work for you, but it may be something to think about.

I hope it gets easier for you and know you aren't alone

eta. DH has been neglected too, but thankfully for me he understands I'm working 2 full time jobs - unfortunately wife is only part time right now....

Message edited 3/23/2007 10:21:14 AM.

Re: Had another break down last night....

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. It's easy to get overwhelmed when you're working full time and caring for a sick baby. Don't worry about the house. Can DH help you more w/the baby? Getting ready for the next day etc?

I have found DH to be more helpful when I am able to squeeze in like 15 min for him alone, even if I'd rather be sleeping. Sometimes though he just has to deal w/the fact that I'm exhausted! its not easy, but it will get better!!!

Message edited 3/23/2007 10:29:19 AM.

Re: Had another break down last night....

Re: Had another break down last night....

Ugh.....the first few weeks being back at work is hard. VERY hard!!
What your feeling is absolutley normal and it will pass. You will eventually fall into a routine that you are content with. You will realize that you can spend time with your DC, DH and be able to maintain your household~

It all falls into place!

Re: Had another break down last night....

I would just feel too guilty leaving him somewhere overnight. Oh God I wish we could have a cleaning service. DH would never go for that. We are trying to save for a house. I wish I could work from home but that is not an option right now. Hopefully down the road it will be. DH said when he takes over his dad’s business in 10 years I can do the paperwork for the business from home. Oh how I am looking forward to that.

Actually DH helps now more than ever. He empties the dishwasher, makes DS’s bottles ever night for the next day, and he cleans up from DS’s bath and from dinner.

The sad part is I’ve been back to work since December. It has gotten easier but ever so often I have a day like last night. I guess I just have to take a deep breathe and deal with it!

Re: Had another break down last night....

Oh Jessica - we all have days like that. Some days are tougher, but than you get the day when everything clicks into place. The day you thought you were going to miss your train only to find out the train was running late.

It does get easier when they're older & bedtime is later. I remember days I was ready to cry because I had a dinner meeting, rushed home & found dc already asleep.

Also - don't get ready to pin a medal on DH. There is a new person in the house - a shared responsibility. If your only responsibilities were to empty the dishwasher, make DS’s bottles every night for the next day, and cleane up from bathtime & dinnertime, you would feel like you were retired. I think it's great that you have physical help but emotional support is a huge factor.

Keep plugging along! There will always be a better day right around the corner.

Re: Had another break down last night....

It does get better i promise. Here is something i learned...when i get home from work every minute is spent with them till bed time. Whether we go out for a walk, play with their toys, feed them, bathe them, etc. Once they go down to sleep around 7:30ish then I spend the next 1/2 hour to hour cleaning or getting stuff done for the next day. After that i spend 1 hour on anything i want....reading, playing, watching TV, hanging with the hubby, making dinner. It has worked for me. I'm still trying to figure out a good time to work out, but that has to wait for now.

However, i still feel there are never enough hours in the day to get anything done. I do more cleaning on Saturday morning before 8AM so i don't need to deal with it.

I sometimes really ache for the days of when i came home from work and my biggest worry was what I was having for dinner or who was i going out with that night.

All worth it. Hang in there....it does get better.

Re: Had another break down last night....

Re: Had another break down last night....

I do the following:

*Get home from work, love my son up
* I put him in the kitchen with me so I can entertain him while I cook/empty the dishwasher etc.
*DH cleans up after dinner, while I feed DS his oatmeal/fruit.
*DS gets his bath and then we wind down out on the couch till he falls asleep.
*After he is asleep (9pm), I then have to prepare for the next day (bottles etc) and see if my DH properly cleaned the kitchen

I also hired a cleaning lady to come in every week or so. Laundry NEVER gets done in my house, it just piles up. But you are right there is not enough time and some things have to be neglected. Some times I get frustrated w/ DH, men just dont really understand the stress on working moms. Hang in there, once you get into a routine you will be fine, with break downs once in a while when you are truly frustrated.

Re: Had another break down last night....

I can TOTALLY relate. Does DH help you with the cleaning? If not, you should enlist him. Give him jobs to do. I always feel like there are just not enough hours in the day, but it does help tremendously that DH cooks and does the dishes, helps with Steven's bath, etc.

Re: Had another break down last night....

Thank you everyone

Re: Had another break down last night....

This happens to me too. I second getting a cleaning person in even once a month. Your husband can't veto your need for help...it makes a world of difference in both of your lives. If you are living in an apartment it will not even cost you all that much. It will NOT be the difference between owning a house and renting a house.
Just having a week where you do not need to scrub your bathroom or dust everything gives you more time to spend with your family plus it takes the burden of the "clean house" off of you. The weeks I have someone come I often don't have the total "I cannot do all of this" breakdown.

Also, I think it is very important to leave at 3pm from work every once in a while, unless your job is SUPER strict about that. It allows you to go get your nails done ($7 manicure can really make you feel much better), pick up your baby early from daycare and make dinner without rushing. If you can speak to your boss about maybe coming in early or working thru lunch to leave early even once a month it would help.
HUGS...we totally understand how this feels.

Re: Had another break down last night....

Hiring a cleaning lady saved my marriage, I think! We are on a tight budget too, but it so relieves so much of the stress. and I love coming home to a clean house. It made the relationship between my husband and I so much better b/c I wasn't getting resentful that i was doing everything and then cleaning to boot. And I was then not nagging him to help out all the time. If you can squeeze it, even one time a month, it makes such a wolrd of difference! Hang in there, regardless, cleaning lady or not, it does get better..........

Re: Had another break down last night....

I am sooooo with you! I hate being away from Gillian. I feel like a bad mommy bc I was a nanny when I was going for my BA and MSW and now I feel like its pretty nervy to not be by my own child. Aside from that, my house always seems messy because I am so anal and dh is so not. We cant compromise on how the house should look. I want the bed done all the time. I finally resorted to hiring a cleaning lady to take some of that off me. Also, I thought I would be getting more help then I am with dd but I guess that is on me. The ABSOLUTE WORST part is I feel like my showers last about 5 min, I have to get dressed in 5 min and be out the door. DD gets all my attention so lately I am feeling like a RAGAMUFFIN! Believe me...I know how you feel.