Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

I'm still in grad school, and my DH is currently applying for postdoc jobs. I have 3 more years to finish and have to stay here in MD. There aren't a huge amount of opportunities for postdoc jobs for him in the area, so its a possibility that he will have to work out of state from me for 2+ years. How hard is it? I would go with him in a second if I wasn't finishing my PhD. I could get a new job in a second, but to give up my PhD would be too much. I'd never forgive myself for wasting all this time in school. DH is going to try his best to stay here with me, but there is a chance that the only job he will get will be 3 or more hours away. I always knew this could happen but I'm still sick over it. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

I couldn't do it, but I worked as an admin for a young female banker who had been doing it for almost 4 years. She was in investment banking, her husband had a great opportunity to work in design for Disney. They did not have any kids, but made it work.

Once a month, she would leave on Thurs night, fly to CA and come back monday morning, redeye.

2 weeks later, he would do the same. they saw each other twice a month. Constant email and phone calls. He sent flowers to the office often.

One thing that helped too...she always took deals on that had business in CA. Then with their vacation time, they would go somewhere great every few months.

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

While DH and I were planning our wedding we bought a house in NC...DH moved down in April and I stayed in NY till our wedding in July...even though it was only a few months it was hard..we went from seeing each other everyday to once a month..it stunk!
I have no advice for you...just be strong and hopefully you make the right decision.

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

My sister and BIL did this for 8 months while she was doing her med school rotations here while they were living in FL

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

We weren't married, but my DH and I lived in two separate countries for 14 months before we got married - when we did get married, he literally flew over on a Tuesday, got married on a Saturday and we flew to London together on the Wednesday...

It was hard, we saw each other every 6 weeks or so and with the time change, we only managed to get one another on the phone 2 - 3 times a week...

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

We didn't while we were married, but like Farah, we lived apart for 2.5 years and I LOVED IT.

I loved the travelling, I loved the excitement of seeing each other and most of all, I loved the REUNION SEX.

Oh how I miss reunion sex.

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

Doing it now. DH got a great job in DE and I''m waiting for my lisence to transfer before I can get a job down there. We were fortunate that my parents let me move in with them so we only pay for one apt. but it''s tough. Unfortunatly I have to wait till my lisence comes through before I can apply for local jobs and we didn''t want to kill our savings for me to quit and sit there doing nothing .... so up here in NY I work. There''s really no way to describe it - it''s hard but bittersweet at the same time - you just have to find a way to make the best of it. The only advice I can offer is don''t sweat the little stuff. You only have limited time together on visits and phone calls so make the most of them!

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

Thanks everyone! I'm feeling a little calmer now. But I'll feel better after I find out where DH is doing his post doc. Right now he's just in the application process...

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

I lived apart from my DH for about a year before and for the 2 months after we were married due to my job. I was transferring w/in the same company and needed to wait for the transfer to go through.

I was okay with it at the time, but have since learned that a LOT went on with him while I was still living on LI. I am still uncovering the "truth" or some version of it.

I don't recommend it. Sorry for the harshness and if this isn't what you want to hear... It was just my experience...

Message edited 10/23/2006 5:55:11 PM.

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

Posted by MrsNYPDsGirl

I lived apart from my DH for about a year before and for the 2 months after we were married due to my job. I was transferring w/in the same company and needed to wait for the transfer to go through.

I was okay with it at the time, but have since learned that a LOT went on with him while I was still living on LI. I am still uncovering the "truth" or some version of it.

I don't recommend it. Sorry for the harshness and if this isn't what you want to hear... It was just my experience...

Re: Has anyone ever lived out of state from their husband for a while?

It's one of the realities of being in a relationship with a PhD. I finished my PhD in 2005 and have known a few academic couples who have had to separate because of jobs. A colleague of mine taught at NYU while his wife taught at Ohio State for a few years - now they are both at NYU and are beyond happy.

A friend of mine is moving to Indiana for a one semester teaching job in january - while his wife keeps her tenure track job in NY. It's tough, but you gotta do what you gotta do. It will totally work out in the end though.