Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

The past few weeks DS has been acting so weird...

My belly has gotten bigger, and I can't do the things I use to be able to- so its clear things are changing and my wonderful son is acting out so much.

Aside from temper tantrums, and clinginess he recently has said some things that have me concerned.

His latest:

"Daddy, Im mommy's baby and Brayden, well... he could be your baby"

I feel terrible, because the thought of "replacement" is going through his head...My heart is breaking!!!!

I have been talking to him and reassuring him that he is always my baby and that I love him so much. I keep telling him about how much fun it will be to be a big brother and to just overall have a brother!

I always tell him, that Im going to need his help, and plan to include him in everything.
But how else can I prepare him???
Im so nervous for what is to come when the baby actually gets here...

Its this the worst of it, or is it going to be more difficult when the baby arrives???

Rj loves babies, and is interested in the baby... He just doesn't want me to be interested in the baby...if that makes sense...

Re: Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

I don't know Maris I did everything I could to prepare Dee for Squishy's arrival and she still had a hard time. It seems she just needed to see that things for her were not going to change too much. You saw in the beginning you could not say sister around her. Now she is the most loving devoted big sister. She just needed some time, but it was rough. I tried to do so many things with her and for her even if it was hard on me. It just seems around this age, when they had us alone for so long, and they understand change that its hard on them, BUT it does straighten out!

Maybe Dee and RJ need to a 3yr old older sibling talk and she can tell him all about it

Re: Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

I did nothing to prepare him really. We just said that Baby sister will be here soon. And that was it.

In the hospital he wouldn't go near us but he told me later he was just scared I guess seeing me in bed with the IV's and stuff

Then when we got home, he was back to himself again. He would go over to her but really coulnd't be bothered.

Now he sings to her, shows her his toys, and trys to get her to smile all the time. And he always wants to hold her

Everything will all work out. When you get home if he is upset, just give him some time. Don't push anything. He will come around

Re: Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

We kept talking to DD about having a brother and she knew that he eas in my belly. It amazed me that the day he was born, she knew to stop talking to my belly and called the baby RJ!

One piece of advice the hospital nurses gave us, was when he comes to the hospital the 1st time to see you, DON'T have Brayden in your arms. Have RJ in the room first and then have Brayden brought into your circle. They said the kids can feel displaced if all of a sudden there is another baby in Mommy's arms

Message edited 4/4/2009 8:55:42 AM.

Re: Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

I didn't have Nikolas in my arms either when Jared came to visit me. He got to peek into the hospital crib thing to look at him. We looked at his feet and hands, I let him touch him. Jared actually surprised me because he kept saying...Awwwww...what a cute baby!

When we got home, that's when the moods started happening. I cried so many times because Jared told me that I belonged in the baby's room and why can't we bring Nikolas back to the hospital...
It takes some getting used to but after a few weeks...RJ will be used to him.

5 months later in our house, Jared is very protective of his little brother and helps me all the time.

It's tough Marissa...but it just takes time.

Oh yeah, get a gift for RJ from the new baby. He'll love it!

Message edited 4/4/2009 9:27:40 AM.

Re: Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

My daughter is 3.5 as well. We've been keeping her involved in the process the whole way through. She has come to my sonos & she came to a regular appointment once where my midwife let her help find the heartbeat. We took her shopping with us when we picked his clothes & let her pick some outfits too. She helped put his bassinet together & so on. She makes me sit down & she pulls up my shirt so she can poke my belly & watch it move I want her to feel like she's a part of this too. Basically, we just talk to her about what the baby will be like whenever she asks.

I'm so upset at the idea that she may feel replaced, but I think unfortunately there is no way to stop the feelings of jealousy. Even though my daughter expresses excitement & she's been well prepared, sometimes you can still tell that she's worried about another kid taking over.

Re: Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

Amanda was only 2 when Tommy came home so it was a little easier but here are my tips

1. don't hold the baby when he comes to the hospital for the 1st time.
2. let him go to the nursery and get diapers for his baby brother when you are in the hospital
3. go home as a family - have DH bring RJ to pick you and the baby up to go home
4. have a presnt for RJ to give to Brayden and a present for RJ from Brayden
5. Have small gifts wrapped at home for RJ - I used this in 2 ways - one when people visited and brought a present for the baby and not her and also when she was being VERY good as a reward
6. Just reassure him - Amanda still tells me, "mommy I am a big girl but I'm your baby"

I'm sure RJ will adjust in no time.

Re: Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

Roman is 3 but was and is perfectly okay with Paxton. I'm not sure if it's because Clover came when he was 18 months or what. It'll be an adjustment but make sure to just keep some time for just RJ and mommy.

Re: Help me prepare my 3.5yr old for baby #2

Good point from Melissa too! I always asked her to get the diapers, or to help change him, etc.
He is a good kid - I know he will come around