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cloddy
Holiday 2011 photo
Member since 8/05 8088 total posts
Name:
Kristen
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Help! SIL had a miscarriage-what can I do?
We live far apart. She's in OH, but I feel like we should do something, but I'm in totally foreign territory. Is there anything we can do to make her feel better or to ease the pain of this painful process? Would flowers help or is that trivial? Sending food? Or is it best to not to do anything like that. I'm looking for suggestions or feedback, particularly from people who have been through this or had a friend or relative that has. Thanks 
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Posted 7/20/06 11:08 AM  |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help! SIL had a miscarriage-what can I do?
It's best to let her know that you're thinking about her. I haven't had a m/c, but my nephew was stillborn.
I would do a spa gc with a note that you wanted to do something for her -and that flowers wouldn't cut it. That what you want most for her is to soothe a hurt that you wouldn't be able to - and that this is your way of taking care of her because you can't do it in person.
Never forget the day, the due date, etc. She won't forget it. Most people think by mentioning "I know it's a tough day for you & I just wanted to tell you I was thinking about you" will remind her. If she knows the date, she knows what happened.
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| Posted 7/20/06 11:16 AM |
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LuvMy2Girls
@>---------
Member since 5/05 11165 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Help! SIL had a miscarriage-what can I do?
I would send some flowers with a note just saying thinking of you, and I am here if you need me.
When i had my m/c, actually it was exactly today one year ago, I didn't want to talk to anyone on the phone, but i did take comfort in cards, and notes that people sent me that just said thinking of you, or i'm here.
Whatever you do don't say
"it wasn't meant to be" or it was"god's way" or "your body knew something wasn't right" or "it really wasn't a baby yet" or "you can try again"
Those really angered and hurt me more.
So sorry for your SIL's loss
ETA: Don't forget her DH too, he's had a loss as well
Message edited 7/20/2006 11:20:03 AM.
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| Posted 7/20/06 11:17 AM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Help! SIL had a miscarriage-what can I do?
Only two people sent me a card when I miscarried- my parents and Dh's sister who is single, late 40's with no kids so I was very touched by this gesture.
I would have been so touched if more people had thought of this.
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| Posted 7/20/06 12:46 PM |
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Lichi
what what!?
Member since 5/05 4206 total posts
Name:
Lissette
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Re: Help! SIL had a miscarriage-what can I do?
Posted by sweetness
I would send some flowers with a note just saying thinking of you, and I am here if you need me.
When i had my m/c, actually it was exactly today one year ago, I didn't want to talk to anyone on the phone, but i did take comfort in cards, and notes that people sent me that just said thinking of you, or i'm here.
Whatever you do don't say
"it wasn't meant to be" or it was"god's way" or "your body knew something wasn't right" or "it really wasn't a baby yet" or "you can try again"
Those really angered and hurt me more.
So sorry for your SIL's loss
ETA: Don't forget her DH too, he's had a loss as well
I also didn't really want to talk to anyone.. except those that had gone through it. Flowers, cards, and food were nice gestures that say they were thinking about me during the tough time, BUT I think the things I liked the most was receiving books about dealing with the loss.
I agree with what not to say... including "...you're young, you'll have others" - I think that was the most insensitive comment people gave me, because I didn't care about future children, I wanted THAT child.
So sooorry for your SIL's loss. 
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| Posted 7/20/06 2:27 PM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Help! SIL had a miscarriage-what can I do?
When I m/c, one person sent flowers and I was so touched by the gesture. The majority of people in my life gave half-hearted "Sorries". It's very sweet of you to do something for her.
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| Posted 7/20/06 2:52 PM |
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bellarina
She's my dancing queen!
Member since 5/05 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help! SIL had a miscarriage-what can I do?
My BF had a misscarrage not too long ago and I sent her a pajama gram. She loved it!
link
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| Posted 7/20/06 2:54 PM |
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