He's Gone

Well, 5 days after SS turned 18 he moved out. I wish that it was on better terms. He is frustrated with DH's rules (even though DH doesn't really have any) and feels as if he doesn't have to answer to anyone, do anything around the house b/c he knows everything. So they argued and he left.

He's blaming DH now b/c DH didn't stop him from going. DH is hurt. SS yelled, cursed and totally disrespected him and now he's living with a friend and looking to get his hands on his graduation money that we've been holding for him. I don't think so, it's close to 1K.

I'm hurt too but also relieved. He needs to see what it's like on his own and then maybe he will appreciate his father and everything that he has done for him.

On a more selfish note, the tension in my house is gone. I'm actually HAPPY and in a better mood and it's only been 2 days. Is that messed up or what? It's amazing how one thing/situation/person can totally affect your entire persona.

Just thought I'd give everyone an update. I haven't been on in awhile. My parents came in from NY to visit. We had a great time.

Message edited 8/12/2009 11:37:05 AM.

Re: He's Gone

wow, sorry to hear that it had to come to that, but you are right, maybe he will see just how easy he had it even with your and Dh's "rules". And if he can't respect both of you, then maybe he should get his own place.

A similar thing happened to us last year with SD- she had a huge fight with DH b/c she didn;t want to respect our rules, cursed at him, called him all sorts of things you wouldn't even call your worst enemy, went through our personal belongings and stormed out and has not been back in 13 months. our situation is different since her mother is the custodian parent so she just hasn't visited us.

Also, I have been reading the book "Stepmonster" that someone on this board recommended a few weeks back - it really is helping me realize that my feelings are justified etc. and I have done nothing wrong and should not feel guilty for any of the rules and discipline I enforced or for anything that happened last year, It also goes into the stresses a marriage deals with as a result of problems with SC. I highly recommend it to you.

ETA: I just wanted to add that now is a good time to repair the stress that your marriage has suffered...b/c in the end, SS will grow, he will perhaps marry and move on and you and DH will still be there and need that solid foundation.

GL

Message edited 8/12/2009 11:51:00 AM.

Re: He's Gone

Honestly, I think that's the best thing for SS. He needs to learn some life lessons and if this is the way it has to be done then so be it. I'm sorry that you and DH are hurt bc of it but I think it will benefit ALL of you in the end.

And kudos to DH for not going after him; that speaks volumes!!

Re: He's Gone

I would hope that his time away will really be eye opening and he will have a better idea as to how good he had it. I would take this time to spend with DH and just enjoy each other.

Re: He's Gone

I'm sorry it ended up going this way, but hopefully this will be an eye opening experience for your SS to see that there are rules in this world and no-one including him are exempt

Hopefully once the air clears a bit, you can all sit down and try to repair the relationship you have together...He definately has some growing up to do and maybe this is what he needs...Until then, as hard as it seems , try to keep the door open for conversation for your DH (who must be so heartbroken and angry all in one) and most certainly will need an ear to listen, and for your SS if he should decide to come around...

I saw your post on Parenting and didnt respond because I'm not exactly sure how I feel about the computer...My rational side says " its a material object, just give it to him" , but then in the same respect, on the terms he left, I almost feel like until he can approach the sitauation like the man he obviously wants to be treated as, then no, ...Hard call

Re: He's Gone

that your SS opens his eyes and takes some steps towards growing up. I personally, would not give him the computer. for you and DH. I know all too well about older defiant (sometimes hateful) stepchildren

Re: He's Gone

WOW, amazing how much of a child he is. That's just unbelievable. You and DH have the upper hand in this situation. He will get a cold, hard reality check being out on his own. While he may have fun at first with no rules and not having to answer to anyone, eventually, the friend he is living with will get sick of it and the "free ride" will be over. I highly suggest that you don't just open up the door and let him back in. Set up new rules and stricter consequences because no doubt he will be back. This is a good thing, little boy needs to grow up. I'm so happy to hear that you're happy, tha'ts wonderful news. You deserve it.