Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend-- I just wanted to give you all an update

My friend and I were pregnant with our kids together. That's actually how we met and our kids are 4 days apart. We have went through so much together in the last 2 years and we are really close but with that being said I don't know how to help her now.

She has fertility issues. She knew that before becoming pg with her son. Now on top of her prexisting fertility issues as a result of her c-section she now has a tilted utureus. So this just makes it that much hard for her.

She has been trying to get pg again since I believe around April. She is not pg yet and each month is getting emotionally harder and harder for her. She had a hysopingagram (sp?) 2 months ago and she was told that she would be very fertile after that. Infact the last time she had that she got pg almost immediately which resulted in a mc and then got pg with her son the next month. Last month she had IUI and found out last night that she is not pg. I called her today to chat and she was crying. She says that she only has one more month of extra fertility because of this hysopingagram. I feel so bad for her. She had a party to go to this afternoon and I offered to take her out tonight for some girl time but her ds just got back from the doc and has strep and she is afraid she is a carrier and doesn't want to risk exposing me so that I can expose my dd.

I don't know what to do for her. After reading this board I know not to say some of the stupid things (though they were said with the best of intentions) anymore that I used to say. But I want to be there for her. I told her to come on here and talk to you girls and share with you. I have told her while I truly feel for and wish nothing more for her then for her to be pg I can't understand the pain that she is feeling the way that someone else who is going through this extremelly difficult process can. I want to be there for her but I feel like I don't have the right words to comfort her without saying something stupid. Do you have an advice on how I can comfort her with out saying something stupid?


The other question I have is DH and I will be trying again this summer. IF I am fortunate enough to get pg again how do I tell her without her hating me. I know that she will be happy. But there have been a couple of times that I have called her in the last few months and said guess what and she has replied with distain you're not pregnant are you? I know that she will be hurt and happy for me at the same time but I don't want to make her feel worse.

Please help me help my friend.

I hope this makes sense because I just has so much going on in my head for her. I don't know what to do.



UPDATE!!!

First I want to thank all of you wonderful ladies again for responding to me. I called my girlfriend back later in the day. I told her I just wanted to check on her. She apologized to me for crying on the phone. I told her don't you dare apologize. I am your friend and here for you every step of the way. She said that she goes through a 12 hour pity party every month then she looks at her son and puts it past her for another month. She told me again that she was sorry and that I just happened to call during her pity party. I told her that my shoulders and ears are always here for her pity party whenever she needs them.

Today we talked briefly about this again. She brought it up and another co-worker was there. The co-worker made a comment about us being pregnant together again. She kind of laughed and said something about that truly might be what is meant to be. We then walked out of the room together. She looked at me and said you better tell me when you get pg. I told her are you sure. She said you BETTER, absolutely! She then went on to say that she doesn't want me to ever try and hide that from her. I told her I just don't want our friendship to be affected. She said never! She was back to her oldself today. She is just such a wonderful person with an amazing outlook on life.

I just wanted to let you all know that she is doing better today and thank you all again for taking to the time to respond to me!!

Message edited 2/26/2007 10:09:12 PM.

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

First of all it is nice that you care so much for your freind.

The Hystiosalpingogram (HSG) does not increase your fertility. It is a test that is given to enable the Doctors to see what is going on with your fallopian tubes (amongst other things) as the fallopian tubes do not show up on regular ultrasound. I don't know who told her this would make her more fertile, but they have in my opinion mislead her.

How old is she? How long has been trying for the 2nd baby? My advice would be for her to go and see an RE. They are the specilaists in their field and they know what they are doing.

I wish her luck

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

She is 35. She is seeing an RE. She has to go back for some blood work and a sono tomorrow. She explained to me that the test was checking to make sure her tubes were open and that she said since it was doing that it was kind of flushing them out making her more fertile. I don't know much about it to be honest. I hope she isn't being mislead. I know that she has been going to her RE every other day for sonograms and things (in Port Jeff and Melville- don't know which one).

She has been trying since around April maybe the summer.

Thank you so much for responding. Do you have an advice on what I can say to her to help comfort her?

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

I agree with Cathie - it's great that you are trying to be there for her and the HSG does not necessarily increase your fertility. Some people, who have no other issues, may get PG right after one because the tubes are more "slippery" and make it easier for the egg and/or sperm to travel. It doesn't increase your fertility though.
If she had an IUI, she must be seeing an RE, hopefully a good one.

I don't think there is much you can do for her - IF is a very private issue and some people don't want to talk about it much. Just be there for her and maybe ask how she's doing here and there...but don't force things. She'll talk to you if she wants.

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

Cathie, actually many drs believe an hsg will make you more fertile for a few months after the test b/c as Jamie said, it will flush our your tubes...this of course is only if your tubes aren't blocked

Jamie, it sounds like you are doing a good job. I don't know if there is anything you cann really say to comfort her. Just be there for her. Everyone's is different. Some like to talk about it, and some don't. Just follow her lead.

Good luck to both of you

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

Posted by Jamie

She is 35. She is seeing an RE. She has to go back for some blood work and a sono tomorrow. She explained to me that the test was checking to make sure her tubes were open and that she said since it was doing that it was kind of flushing them out making her more fertile. I don't know much about it to be honest. I hope she isn't being mislead. I know that she has been going to her RE every other day for sonograms and things (in Port Jeff and Melville- don't know which one).

She has been trying since around April maybe the summer.

Thank you so much for responding. Do you have an advice on what I can say to her to help comfort her?

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

I would agree with Gerty & Lisa. Everyone is different, and sometimes you want to talk & sometimes it's the last thing you want to think/talk about. I think as long as she knows you are there for her, she can talk to you on her terms when she needs to. She is lucky to have such a sensitive freind.

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

Posted by LisaW



Cathie, actually many drs believe an hsg will make you more fertile for a few months after the test b/c as Jamie said, it will flush our your tubes...this of course is only if your tubes aren't blocked

Jamie, it sounds like you are doing a good job. I don't know if there is anything you cann really say to comfort her. Just be there for her. Everyone's is different. Some like to talk about it, and some don't. Just follow her lead.

Good luck to both of you

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

Thank you all for responding. I am just sitting here in front of the computer crying because I want to fix this for her and I can't. She is normally such a happy carefree person and to call her to chit chat today and hear her crying when she picked up the phone broke my heart. We were there for each other with our PPD. Mine was much worse and she was there for me every step of the way and I just want to pay her back. I think that the caretaker in me is struggling with this the most because I can't fix it for her. I can't make her feel better. I can't make her smile. It breaks my heart for her. I don't want to see her suffer like this, emotionally and physically. She tried laughing her crying off by saying it's her hormones and while I am sure that's part of it my heart also knows that not all of it.

Thank you all again for responding I know that I really shouldn't be bothering you all with this but I thought you girls would be the best to turn to. I am sorry if I upset anyone for posting on this board. I just want to help her so much.

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend

Jamie

Please don't be sorry, I don't think your bothering anyone on this board, it is nice to see a good friend so concerned & caring, a couple of my freinds could do with having a chat with you!!!!!!!!!!!!

It sounds like she is in good hands and there is really nothing more you can do for her than just be there.

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend-- I just wanted to give you all an update

Bump for an update and a special thanks to Cathie and Lisa W

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend-- I just wanted to give you all an update

what a great friend you are

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend-- I just wanted to give you all an update

You are a great friend! Im glad your friend is feeling a little better too.

Re: Hi ladies sorry to barge in but I could really use some advice for my friend-- I just wanted to give you all an update

Awwww....that is such a sweet story. You are truly a special friend and she will definitely appreciate your support.