How can someone "be there" for you ?

First of, I will start out with saying, I wish each and every one of you all the best in the new year. May all of your dreams come true. May you be blessed with a precious baby.
Know that many of us that have family members or friends also going through IF issues have our hearts and minds on you. I am in admiration and in aww of how much someone has to go through I know it's more than worth it, it's priceless. But sometimes we wish there was something we can do to help somehow.

Someone Im close with has been TTC # 2 and is going through IVF round 2 now. There are days she is down, and may not want to speak on the phone much, brief emails, etc. I have brought my kids to play with her child, have brought her food/token gifts, etc.

I wish there was something very meaningful I can do to show her we are right behind her. I told her Id love to take a shot for her

I hope this isnt too personal of a question, but what are some gifts/gestures that meant the most to you? something that can be done without overstepping the privacy boundaries, something that can be given that will help her out...

Thanks so much for sharing any thoughts and ideas.

Blessings and hugs to you all

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

Its a tough questions and everyone is different - today for example I would like a hug and be allowed to cry for no reason (I think its the hormones).

Generally though, just having someone who is interested enough to care without giving advice, asking if we considered adoption, saying "it will hapen"....blah, blah, blah

Depending on the clinic she is attending, she may be on bedrest for 2 days...that might be a good opportunity to bring dinner over and have a play date for her child at your house, so she can rest and know that things are being taken care of

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

First of all, what a great friend you are.

Secondly, there really isn't much you can do that you haven't already done. The only thing I wouldn't do is ask her lots of questions about her IF treatments. The worst thing for me is everyone asking me what's going on and having to explain the story so much. Just be her friend. Be there when she wants to talk, but don't pressure her to. Don't bring it up a lot. Believe me, she's thinking about it all the time.

And this is for you for being a good friend to her.

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

I agree with Red - advice is the last thing someone in her position wants to hear. Just ask her if she wants to talk about it. She might say no but she might be relieved to talk to someone who can really listen.

You are a good friend for being so considerate of her feelings. You would be surprised how many friends and families act and speak in inappropriate ways.

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

You seem like such a great friend!!!

I believe the greatest gift you can give her is to just "listen." And do not be offended if she seems stand-offish. It's not personal. For me, at times, I do not want to talk to any of my friends b/c I do not want to be a debbie downer around them.

For me personally, I do not like it when people give me advice b/c I probably know more about what it takes to have a baby than the 'avg' person.

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

I agree with Red and JuJu - most important thing is to just be available.

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

Major thing is don't patronize. I have not experienced that with IF yet, but I know I would absolutely hate it.

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

Listening is the best thing. My friend Val sometimes just has me over to cry, no advice, just understanding. Oh and for me..... cookies help

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

Posted by rose825

Oh and for me..... cookies help

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

Thanks everyone for the kind words and open thoughts.
It's actually a family member. She does often get "Well Thank God you do have one healthy child" and that's one of those comments she hates to hear.
And I agree with the not calling and not patronizing. I send her brief emails and leave brief messages once a week or so. since she also mentioned in emails that she may not be up to talking some days...
As far as taking her son for a few hours, he's EXTREMELY attached (he's almost 3) and wont leave her sight. and she thinks since she's been going through all this, that he's caught on to the tension and sadness, as much as she tries to hide it, Im sure the emotions and stress bubble over on many days


Thanks for listening everyone.

I hope this board "goes bankrupt" this year!

Re: How can someone "be there" for you ?

Posted by rose825

Listening is the best thing. My friend Val sometimes just has me over to cry, no advice, just understanding. Oh and for me..... cookies help