How do you control your emotions?

A couple who are very good friends of mine and DH's are having a baby today. They do not know about our IF issues. I am so happy for them, but at the same time so sad.
How do I go visit them and the new baby without crying? I was crying last night just thinking about it.

How do you handle these situations?

Re: How do you control your emotions?

Truthfully, it's tough...

I've been dealing with this many years...I feel like everybody moves on but me.

And, I am past the point of other peoples miracles giving me hope.

But, life goes on, and you just have to deal...

I wish I had better advice

Re: How do you control your emotions?

Its very hard to deal with this stuff. A ton of my friends and family have had babies and I am always really and truly happy for them...but it doesn't mean that I don't ache inside. All you can do is grin and bear it. Once you get there, I thing you'll be okay. I think its the initial dreading that makes it worse. If you're not immediate family the baby isn't in the room, usually. You can go look at the baby in the window, but mostly you'll be visiting with your friends.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. We're here if you need to talk

Re: How do you control your emotions?

I agree with Lauren...although you sort of dread it...when you see the baby, you (or I) can't help but love that baby and be happy for it's parents.

Like Lisa said, after a while you just grow thicker skin and learn how to deal...some days are better than others, though.

Re: How do you control your emotions?

I agree with Lisa. I have had 2 baby showers in the past month, and 3 babies due in the next 2 months, so I have been hit with it every time I turn around lately.

I am starting to get thicker skin, and I am truly happy for them but I am not going to lie and say i dont ask "why not me".

I hope it gets easier, but i think thats going to take a while.

Re: How do you control your emotions?

I will only speak for myself. I don't have a choice. Sad as it is to say and as rough as it is, life has to go on for me. I cannot crumble and fall apart when things are happening for other people when I want them to happen for me. If I let it get to me, I get too stressed and it becomes counterproductive to my treatment as well as my sanity. If I lose that, I won't have a clear head and I wont be able to forge forward.

Though many will disagree, and do not believe in Karma, I do. I feel that if I, as a good hearted person, cannot feel joy in someone else's blessings, then perhaps I may not be deserving of them for myself. I can't be angry. I just can't.

I have been to more baby showers in the past year than I have in my entire life. I prefer to look forward to how my child's nursery will be filled someday as opposed to being sad. It isn't easy, but its my own self-preservation.

I also understand where LisaW is coming from too. I love when people tell me "Oh I know someone who tried for 10 years and had 3 miscarriages and then had a baby." Well gee, that's surely a miracle, but not terribly encouraging as far as I am concerned. People need to watch what they say - it isn't always comforting to hear other's experiences as well intended as they may be.

(Sorry for the ramble - Im in a mood)

Re: How do you control your emotions?

I can contribute to this thread as well from a male POV.

First, my OWN personal perception is that karma doesn't exist. I've seen blessings happen to rotten people and I've seen tragedies happen to great people.

We are both very religious and many will disagree with me, but this is how WE deal with it - we are deeply in tune with the role God plays in our lives. And that's what gets us through the rough times. In our minds, God created us, and accepts us and loves us for who we are, and forgives us for our shortcomings. So, it's OK if we get jealous on occasion of others' good fortune or get a little sad when exposed to baby showers or christenings.

As for the stories of hope, like Lisa, they don't do it for me. It's like, that's a great story - FOR THEM. They got their wish - but our time hasn't come yet.

So, the long and short of it is, people hang their hats on different things to get through this. Any of the above posts might give you some food for though - including mine.

Re: How do you control your emotions?

Message edited 10/30/2007 7:37:16 PM.

Re: How do you control your emotions?

let me just tell you something...on March 30th of this year I went into premature labor with my daughter at 17 weeks and of course she past away on April 4th (just 5 days later my niece was born) in the same hospital no less I was so beside myself but my dh and I mustered up enough energy and courage to go and visit her in the hospital well all of the RN's there that night were with me a few days prior and so I brought them cookies and kept my chin up long enough to show how brave I am and then I went home and cried myself to sleep that night

Re: How do you control your emotions?

Re: How do you control your emotions?

Hi...

I hope you don't mind me posting...

I went thru a time where I had baby fever - it was looking like DH and I werent going to get engaged for a while because he had to finalize his divorce with his ex wife... I was really upset because we were both older, and I knew we wanted to try to conceive after we got married...

Well, his SIL had a baby during that time. I have to admit, I took one look at her daughter, and cried. not tears of happiness. Tears of pain.

Sometimes you just have no control over it. She didnt even notice because she was distracted, and DH didnt see. I turned away and excused myself to the bathroom.

If these are good friends, you can say you are so happy for them, and thats why you are crying, and then tell your friend at a later date how you are feeling if you feel comfortable doing so...

they are your emotions. You are entitled to them. there is no reason to really control them if it is too hard. just streamline them a little!!!

Re: How do you control your emotions?

Some days my emotions get the better of me, some days they don't. I, too, have had my fair share of showers this year. Next week, I will go to one for the SIXTH friend of mine to have a child this year. Yeah, whatever...

Anyway, my motto has become: Fake it through and you will make it through.

Sounds terrible, but it works for me and no one sees through it. I agree with the person who said that the dread is the worst part. Good luck.

Re: How do you control your emotions?

Thank you for the advice and sharing your experiences.
I got a little teary when I saw all the babies in the nursery, but then I was ok.
He is an adorable baby and I am very happy for them!

Re: How do you control your emotions?

I am dealing with this right now ...EVERY WHERE I turn, someone is pregnant or pushing a stroller...it's bittersweet, but lately it is just painful for me to see. Which is a big reason why I haven't been on LIF so much lately