How do you deal with people who...

Interrogate? They ask you a question, which is usually vague, and when you reply or ask them a question, they attack your answer?

I've dealt with one person like this before but never with someone so condescending and with such a malicious tone.

I've tried joking with him, doesn't work. Tried turning the tables and asking him a question in return, doesn't work. Even his boss sees it and has spoken to him about it before, but it continues.

At this point, do I "tell" on him? Kill him with false kindness, letting him think that he has control over me? Respond with just as much attitude, give him a taste of his own medicine? Sit him down and talk to him directly, tell him that I don't appreciate his condescending tone? (even though that's his boss' job?)

This guy's title means a lot to him, so he's most likely got a God complex on top of it. I just don't know where to go from here. I'll be dealing with him more in the future than I have in the past, so this could become an every day thing.

Re: How do you deal with people who...

He sounds like a complete douche. Treat him like the dickbag that he is and that will kill him because he will KNOW that you don't give him the respect he craves.

I have a boss like that. I tend to be overly nice to him - but I look at him with DEAD eyes. Any laughter or smiles are for show and I know he knows it. Then I ***** about him with my co-workers. And count the days until he is fired.

Re: How do you deal with people who...

You don't think I should at least try to talk to him one-on-one once? Then maybe, if it happens again, I could just respond with "Remember we talked about you speaking to me like an idiot?"

Although firing may be imminent, it could turn on me the other way. If I do treat him like crap, he could go tell on ME, you know?

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I deal with this with family. For one of the people, I give very sarcastic answers. I find that people who are like this lack the ability to detect sarcasm or to read people well. I also take in whatever comments they make when they are asking their questions and then throw those comments back at unexpected times. It is frustrating, but I can at least get some fun in outwitting them, which has proven to be rather easy.

I guess I'd have a hard time doing it this way in the work place, huh? I'd at least consider the sarcasm thing, but maybe only in private.

Re: How do you deal with people who...

I know a few guys who are "retired" from the Chinese mafia. Let me know if you need some good torture techniques.

Re: How do you deal with people who...

Message edited 7/19/2007 12:30:40 PM.

Re: How do you deal with people who...

Thanks girls. I can always count on you.

As far as mafia goes, don't forget where my husband is from originally. I think we have that covered.

Re: How do you deal with people who...

Posted by greenfreak

Thanks girls. I can always count on you.

As far as mafia goes, don't forget where my husband is from originally. I think we have that covered.

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Keep walking or walk away when it happens. When he inevitably blurts out "Where are you going?" say "I'm not giving you the time of day until you can speak to me with the respect I deserve." Then keep walking.

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i deal with this with my FIL. My ILs are looking to buy a house right now and since DH and I just bought one, he's always asking for an opinion. If we give an answer that he doesnt' like, he questions us on the answer we gave if he doesn't like the answer. It's easier to just give the answer he wants to hear (yeah, it's great, good choice, etc.)

Re: How do you deal with people who...

Good stuff here.

Rebecca, to answer your questoin, he's not my direct report (God help me). In another department entirely, even. But he thinks who he is, and I wouldn't be surprised if he did think I work for him. Doesn't everyone?

As a matter of fact, I can hear him speaking (barking) at one of my coworkers right now, in a raised voice and annoyance in his tone.

Lots of "Let me explain something to you..." and that kind of stuff. Ugh.

Re: How do you deal with people who...

I avoid them. Try to only correspond through email. Say as little as possible in phone conversations. Just minimize all conversations. If I ever try to argue with them on a point, it just ends up with me being stuck on the phone with them forever (while they are really the only one talking). No thank you!

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Thanks Suz.

I was thinking about that tactic, telling him if he can't talk to me like an adult, to put it in an email instead.

I don't know if I could get away with that though. This is a tiny office, he's just feet from my desk.

He does do that though - run off at the mouth, just to hear himself talk.

It seems we all know the type.

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I don't think he has a God complex. Sounds more like a case of overcompensation on the "I'm not sure I'm really qualifed for the job" complex.

I would probably use sarcasm, answer his question with a question or talk to him in the same tone he talked to me.