How do you get past a MC

Hi there. I just found out I was pregnant and this weeknd I miscarried. I was very early, 6 weeks. But all I can think is what happens if it happens again. I'm scared to try again. I dont want to get excited then have it end in disappointment again.

How do you get past a MC

I recently experienced the same thing, about a week further along. The way I see it is this: at least we were able to get pregnant. USUALLY a mc occurs because of a genetic problem with the baby, it's the body's way of saying, ok something is wrong and we are fixing it. Conservative estimates say at least 1/3 of women will experience a mc, but many experts believe this number should be closer to 1/2 or higher, because so many women don't even know they are pregnant before they mc, especially if it's early like ours were. It's hard to do, but the best thing is to stay positive and look on the bright side. ALSO, I've read a lot that women are most fertile right after a mc. I just got AF after my mc and I am so psyched to try again!

How do you get past a MC

It's very hard. I've had numerous chemicals and MCs throughout the years including 3 back to back just recently. I honestly think I have an underlying issue right now but really in MOST cases it's just a fluke. Your bodies way of not accepting a normal embryo. It's hard you have to mourn but move on because the end result is so worth it.

Re: How do you get past a MC

i have 6 month old twins after years of IF and 3 losses

i am writing bc to answer your question

how do you get past it, for me you don't

but you DO learn to live with them

after all this time and even after having my kids the journey the losses it all are still with me

time will be your enemy and your best friend at the same time

i am so sorry for your loss

How do you get past a MC

I agree with Gina. I don't think you ever get past it. Like, how do you ever get past the death of a loved one? You don't...you just learn to live without them.
So sorry you're going through this!!
And I can totally relate to being too scared to try again. I was pretty terrified during my whole pregnancy, almost waiting for something bad to happen again. It sucks, it really does.

Re: How do you get past a MC

Re: How do you get past a MC

Re: How do you get past a MC

I just lost my little bean too
Eventhough it was early, it still hurts and scares the crap out of me. I agree with the other ladies... we can't let this stop us. M/C's do happen and we just have to take care of our bodies and keep going. DH is very shaken up still so I think I will wait a bit before telling him when we get preg again.. Sending you many

Re: How do you get past a MC

I check in on these boards from time to time. My first pregnancy ended in M/C I was 9 weeks but the baby didn't make it past 6.

It was hard. I questioned god. I was angry about other people having children who didn't deserve them in my eyes. I just didn't understand what I did to deserve it. It took time to understand that it wasn't a punishment for anything done wrong. It just wasn't meant to be.

I bought myself a necklace and on that necklace was a rose quartz and pearl...both symbols of fertility. Then there was a silver disk that said "patience" bc that was exactly what i felt the loss was meant to teach me. That everything happens in it's own turn...not when I will it. I used to touch the necklace, rub the disk between my fingers or kiss it whenever i was having "a moment". it helped.

Still, I felt like I HAD to get pregnant before my impending due date. I felt like I had to "replace" the baby i lost by having a new one on the way before my due date. I was dreading that due date like the plague...bc I knew that if I reached it without becoming pregnant again, I would have to face the reality of my loss all over again. All that pressure I put on myself wasn't worth it. My due date came and went...but the weekend after my due date, when i finally sucked it up and accepted that I couldn't control it...well that's the weekend I conceived. My son will be two in a little over a month. DH and I still talk about "the one that got away" but not in a dark and sad way because if we hadn't lost that pregnancy my son wouldn't be here and now that he's here I can't imagine my life without him.

One thing my husband said to me when we lost the first one that stuck with me was "the second batch of pancakes is always better" and so my son is known as "our second batch of pancakes"

Now, looking back, almost 3 years later...that word PATIENCE really means so much more to me now than it did back then. You need patience with your emotions, patience while you grieve, patience with others who don't understand your struggle and patience to accept the fate we are given and just go along on the journey.

best of luck to you.

Message edited 6/5/2013 11:26:49 PM.

Re: How do you get past a MC

Posted by gina409

i have 6 month old twins after years of IF and 3 losses

i am writing bc to answer your question

how do you get past it, for me you don't

but you DO learn to live with them

after all this time and even after having my kids the journey the losses it all are still with me

time will be your enemy and your best friend at the same time

i am so sorry for your loss

Re: How do you get past a MC

Posted by PennyCat

Posted by gina409

i have 6 month old twins after years of IF and 3 losses

i am writing bc to answer your question

how do you get past it, for me you don't

but you DO learn to live with them

after all this time and even after having my kids the journey the losses it all are still with me

time will be your enemy and your best friend at the same time

i am so sorry for your loss

I agree with this completely.

Re: How do you get past a MC

You don't. I have a beautiful baby boy and still remember the angel we lost. I thank god for what I have now

How do you get past a MC

I have a different perspective.

I had, what we think, was a MC a year ago. I am NEVER late for AF. So 3 days past and no AF, but no BFP, we really thought I was PG.

I got AF on the 4th day, like no other AF I have ever had. My boobs were sore, I FELT different. So weather I "technically" wasnt or not, we truly believed that I was PG. And when it was gone, it was hard.

I want to be SUPER clear that We dont know, and I dont want to equate my experience with anyone who had a KNOWN pregnancy and lost. Its VERY different when you THINK you are PG, and you absolutly ARE PG.

To me it was the same....and we REALLY thought I was like 3 days in.

Anyway.

My perspective is different. I have always been of the mindset that if I had kids it would be great. If I didnt that was great. I would love to have a child, but if it does not happen both me and DH are ok with that.

In my experience, my DH and I talked about it, and then we let it rest. We let it go. I find that when I have been faced with advesity and hard stuff, REALLY hard stuff, I can take my moment, greive about it, then let it go. I personally have been able to not allow this anger, greif and loss affect me. It happened. I cant change it, so why should I be so angry that I allow that anger and grief to rule my life? Im allowed to live and be happy despite this happeneing.

So for ME, I was able to put it behind me and move on. I dont really give it much thought at all anymore.

Am I affraid of getting pG and loosing it? Having a problem? etc etc etc? You bet. But I have also decided that there is nothing I can do. If its the will of my body that it does not stick, so be it. I move on and try again. (And certainly would go to a doctor if there was multiple issues).

But I can honestly say that it has left me, Im ok with it. If it wasnt meant to be it wasnt. Whatever happened that it was not right so it ended.

I cant dwell on the past the hurt and pain. It can be consuming. So I have truly said to myslef that its ok, Im allowed to LIVE, and move on, and its ok.

So thats what works for ME. Im just not someone to really hold onto things. I want to move forward because I CANT change it. For the same reason I wont hold onto the loss of the big game when I was 12, I wont hold onto a MC. So I have allowed myslef to move on, and say its ok to do so.

Re: How do you get past a MC

Posted by Lillies

I just lost my little bean too
Eventhough it was early, it still hurts and scares the crap out of me. I agree with the other ladies... we can't let this stop us. M/C's do happen and we just have to take care of our bodies and keep going. DH is very shaken up still so I think I will wait a bit before telling him when we get preg again.. Sending you many

How do you get past a MC

I just want to thank everyone for your kind words. These past 2.5 weeks have been hard but I feel a little better everyday. My DH wasn't home when this all happend so it sucked going thru it alone. We were finally able to sit down last week and just talk (and yell and cry) but we are just trying to look forward.

Re: How do you get past a MC

Message edited 6/19/2013 9:58:28 AM.