How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Ladies,
How do you not flip out when your child is being oppositional? I am finding myself yelling and screaming at Aidan more and more and I don't like it. The past few mornings I have had to take both Aidan and Julian to daycare as DH has had to leave before 7 AM for work (this is temporary- he does drop off and I do pick up). Aidan is being very strong willed (he will be 3 in Oct) and it takes me asking him to do something numerous times for him to do it. This morning I was stressed big time about work and asked him to come brush his teeth. He finally did come but I was taking out the garbage and it was leaking. I asked him to go inside for a minute while I cleaned up the mess. When I was done, I asked him again to come brush his teeth. He did not come despite numerous chances. Finally, I lost it because I realized the time and I started screaming at him. He got really upset. I told him that he could not watch tv after daycare since he didn't come when called. Before going into daycare, I hugged him tight and told him that I loved him. I reminded him that it is important to listen to both mommy and daddy. I just find myself having a shorter and shorter fuse. I know he is a good kid and is acting his age, testing limits, etc. But how do you not lose it. I don't want to be a mother who screams. Yet today I feel like a horrible mother. I just feel so bad for losing it.

If you made it this far, thanks.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

the only thing that helps me is taking a step back and taking a deep breathe and realizing..."it's not that serious" or.. figuring out a better way to handle the current situtation.. does it help everytime..no.. but I think couting to 10 HELPS!!!
you are not a bad mommy..you are human!!

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

I feel the same way. I must say the samething over 5 times before anyone listens to me. There are days I hate the person I have become because I yell all the time especially with the morning routine. IS it happens durning the day while we are home and I ask them to clean or stop fighting I will switch things up some. I will turn the tv off and put the radio etc..

Hopefully they grow out of it..

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

I go in another room and take a few deep breaths or count to 10 to myself. I found when I was pregnant I would snap at my son a lot and quite honestly, I felt like he was listening less and less. The more you yell, the less they listen(at least that was my experience). He and I are back on track now.

Hope that helps.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Thanks for the replies. It is so hard juggling everything. I do try to take a step back but I find that after asking so many times, I just "snap." I definitely need to remember to count to 10 and take deep breaths (all things I encourage the kids at school who I am the therapist for! to do). Mornings (or anytime where there is a time constraint) are definitely the hardest. When we don't have anywhere to be, I do try to calm myself down and examine why I am getting so upset. I just want my boys to be happy, healthy, and well adjusted.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

What we've been doing lately is asking once. If she doesn't listen then we say "Come brush your teeth or you're going in timeout for not listening" If she doesn't come then she goes in timeout. I know in the mornings there's a time constraint but I could spend easily 10 mins asking Kaydyn to do something.

Don't get me wrong I have yelled at her plenty of times but I'm really trying to step back and look at things differently and approach things differently because I felt my anger/frustration getting the better of me many times.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Usually "easy way or hard way" works for DS...if not, its the hard way and I just don't care if he cries.

I've also taken away toys and he gets the point.

Lately, when I see he is becoming fresh/its starting... I say, "Yackety Yack" and he says, "Don't talk back" and it reminds him of his manners. I downloaded the song to my ipod.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

This was me the last couple of days. DS is almost 19 months and changing him for the day has become a NIGHTMARE!! I was so worked up after getting him dressed I started getting contractions, which went away once I got to work thankfully. Today I changed up our routine a little and it worked beautifully. I got him all ready this morning at once so I didn’t have to worry about him at all. I only had to change his sandals to his sneakers and we were out the door without a fight.

Maybe doing something like this might help? I used to have him take his vitamins and brush his teeth while I finished doing my hair. But today I took care of those things as soon as he was dressed and finished with his bottle. So he didn’t have a minute to himself until after he brushed his teeth.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

I yell at my husband instead.

I kid, kind of. I do a lot of counting to myself and it takes a lot of energy but I really do try not to yell. It's hard

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

You are NOT a bad mommy! Its REALLY hard not to lose it, and I have screamed at Samanatha more times then I care to admit to. It happens, they can be SO frustrating at this age. I find. Do it more when it's me alone with the kids, as I still M having a terrible time trying to manage both kids. Sometimes if I know a yelling session is about to happen, I tell her that mommy needs a rime out for a couple of minutes.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

I just try to remember that I'm sure i was a PITA at times and my mother kept it together. Nothing wrong with stepping back for a second to pull yourself together.

They say 3 is worse that 2 but at 4 things get better - I'm hoping this is true.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Being a SAHM with no breaks ever and no relief all day, I find myself so stressed and in need of a mental break from DD that I wind up yelling at my poor DD more than I would like to admit.

I hate it, feel so sad about it but sometimes I just have to let it out and that's the only way I can feel some release.

No advice just

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Posted by maybesoon

Posted by MrsPornStar

I just find myself having a shorter and shorter fuse.

same here. DS will be 3 in sept and I have been losing it with him and sometimes my one year old DS. I'm a screamer and always PO'd bc they don't listen. I don't know what to do I feel sad and frustrated. looking forward to responses

Message edited 6/16/2011 11:42:58 AM.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

I find that I yell at my DD more than I'd like.... when I catch myself, the only thing that works for me is kinda mentally removing myself from the situation. Almost blocking out the noise and reminding myself that she's just a kid. Take some deep breaths and go back in. Usually once I've calmed down, she'll be calmer too. HTH.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Posted by Goobster

Posted by maybesoon

Posted by MrsPornStar

I just find myself having a shorter and shorter fuse.

same here. DS will be 3 in sept and I have been losing it with him and sometimes my one year old DS. I'm a screamer and always PO'd bc they don't listen. I don't know what to do I feel sad and frustrated. looking forward to responses

I am a screamer also. I hate it. But I dont have a low talking voice in general, so screaming comes pretty naturally to me.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Im a screamer. I really walk away and go outside for a few minutes. I have to. I have no patience and cant flip out in front of him like I would normally do with an adult. It helps. I wait, count to 20 and go back. Mynds is VERY stubborn. So its a battle daily for stupid little things.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Hollie, you are not a bad mommy at all!! I find myself yelling more & more at JJ lately & I feel terrible. I feel like there are days where I yell at him from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep. He has become so defiant & doing things to Nicholas that truly urk me.

The last couple of days, I have been tryin to take deep breaths when I feel the urge & try to re-evulate the situation in my head as to "is it necessary to yell @ this particular moment"

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Honestly I find myself yelling at DD a lot more lately because she just doesn't listen. She's 3 and I don't know if it's the age but I hate the fact that I have become a yeller...as a matter of fact I mentioned to DH the other day that we need to tone down the high voices because I hate it but sometimes its the only way DD responds to me. I know I need to change this so I feel your pain

ETA: DH and I are usally loud talkers anyway so the yelling kind of comes natural

Message edited 6/16/2011 1:11:55 PM.

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

I've been feeling the same exact way with DD...I'm in my last few weeks of being PG and she's being a normal 2.5 year old but testing my patience a lot lately, and since I have none lately I'm losing it on her..today she got so upset I told her I'm sorry but you shouldn't have done what you did and mommy is is sorry she yelled

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Yep, I a yelling more and more! My dd actually asked me yesterday why I yell so much? I told her that asking nice about 5 times, yelling seems to only get through to you. I also told her I might get her ears checked!

But seriously, I too need to get a grip! I am so sort lately especially if my younger is crying or sleeping and my older is trying my patients

Re: How do you not lose it and scream at your child? Feeling like a bad mom today

Hollie, you are not a bad mom or a bad person...you are a human being. We can only take so much. This is a story of my life...I am not a yeller but sometimes Mikey will just push me over the top and I snap...and then I feel bad of course. I've become more of a "threatener" now. If he doesn't want to do something I've asked him to do numerous times, I threaten to take his toy away or not allow him to do something he loves to do (go to his cousin's house after school, go to the park, etc.). It usually works and then I explain to him that he needs to listen to me and that he will be rewarded for good behavior. There are days where he is so wonderful and then of course there are days that he acts jsut awful...mornings are just so rough bc I'm getting myself ready and him ready always in a rush...just gotta live with it lol