How do you tell a four year old

that a pet died? My parents have a dog that will not be with us much longer and my DS really loves this dog. He asks to speak to him on the phone whenever he talks to my parents and my dad pretends to be the dog.

I just dont know how or what to tell him?

xxxxxxx

Message edited 2/10/2007 4:02:16 PM.

Re: How do you tell a four year old

Can you tell him that the dog went to go live with his mommy and daddy?

Might be easier then explaining death just yet

Re: How do you tell a four year old

What if you showed him the movie "All Dogs Go To Heaven" and then when the pup passes you can tell him he is with his doggy friends in heaven?

Re: How do you tell a four year old

Our cat died when DS was 2.5. We told him she had very bad "boo-boos", and she wouldn't be here anymore. No real details, but we wanted him to know that she was really sick, but we didn't want to make up stories as to what happened. We also don't want to scare him thinking that if anyone is sick, they won't be coming back.... It's a very fine line to tread, but I think he was OK with our explanation. Our dog is getting very old, and he'll probably pass in a year or so, so that will be harder to explain, since DS will be 4 or older, and the dog is much more a part of the family than the cat was. The cat hid most of the time, and was a loner.

Re: How do you tell a four year old

You could get him this book:




The tenth good thing about Barney

Re: How do you tell a four year old

You would be surprised how much a 4 year gets and will understand.

My MIL is a kindergarden/preschool teacher and has told me sad stories about her parents not telling the kids a pet died, grandparents, even one little boy his dad died and his mom didn't tell him for a month!
That poor little boy was so mad at his mom and my MIL cause they knew and didn't tell him. That's no where near a pet..but

My MIL gives mom's at her a school a book to explain to them, but they should know.

Age appropriate is key-I was told to say something along the lines of Spot was sick and went to be with his mommy and daddy in a place where he won't be sick anymore and we can't visit him, but if we close our eyes and think real hard, we will always remember him.

That's a tough one

ETA: I found this

"Grief Management in Children


The death of a cherished pet creates a sense of loss for adults and produces a predictable chain of emotions. The stages of grief are typically denial, sadness, depression, guilt, anger, and, finally, relief (or recovery). However, the effects on children vary widely depending upon the child's age and maturity level. The basis for their reaction is their ability to understand death.

Two and Three Year Olds

Children who are two or three years old typically have no understanding of death. They often consider it a form of sleep. They should be told that their pet has died and will not return. Common reactions to this include temporary loss of speech and generalized distress. The two or three year old should be reassured that the pet's failure to return is unrelated to anything the child may have said or done. Typically, a child in this age range will readily accept another pet in place of the dead one.

Four, Five, and Six Year Olds

Children in this age range have some understanding of death but in a way that relates to a continued existence. The pet may be considered to be living underground while continuing to eat, breathe, and play. Alternatively, it may be considered asleep. A return to life may be expected if the child views death as temporary. These children often feel that any anger they had for the pet may be responsible for its death. This view should be refuted because they may also translate this belief to the death of family members in the past. Some children also see death as contagious and begin to fear that their own death (or that of others) is imminent. They should be reassured that their death is not likely. Manifestations of grief often take the form of disturbances in bladder and bowel control, eating, and sleeping. This is best managed by parent-child discussions that allow the child to express feelings and concerns. Several brief discussions are generally more productive than one or two prolonged sessions."

Message edited 1/17/2007 9:55:30 AM.

Re: How do you tell a four year old

Thank you. I cant lie to him, he is sooo perceptive and he will notice that everyone is sad. It is such a fine line and so hard to do when you are also upset.

I feel like I have to protect him and also protect my parents, who are suffering terribly, from seeing DS upset.

I will look into that book also. Thanks.

Re: How do you tell a four year old

Just do not tell him the doggy went to sleep and never woke up.......many parents say this and then their children are afraid to go sleep or are afraid when their parents go to sleep that they wont wake up......my nephew still worries that he will not wake up if he goes to sleep

Re: How do you tell a four year old

Re: How do you tell a four year old