how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

We drop them off by the classroom door, this was DD's 3rd full day . The first day was rough, but not so bad, Fri was great , she went in without a problem. This morning and over the weekend she was fine and excited , never said she didn't want to go or anything, but as they started going in she started crying, crying turned into screaming, grabbing me "please don't let them take me, please don't leave me here, I love you, don't leave me..." she was hanging on my neck, my clothes, she even fell back once when I tried to get her off me and try to talk to her ... The teacher was standing there the whole time , just standing, she didn't try to talk to DD , console her, nothing, she had a big smile on her face and just stood there, as if nothing was going on, then I asked her if I could bring my DD inside the classroom this one time , she said yes, I tried , it didn't help, I came out tried to leave her and she ran after me screaming, it was a huge scene, parents standing watching, other kids starting to get upset, then the teacher started saying "I have to close the door now" I asked her few times to just take my DD's hand and bring her in , she just stood there like a robot, so finally I almost pushed my DD inside the classroom and told the teacher to close the door and walked out.
It was a disaster, I'm almost 39 w pregnant , so now my back hurts and my neck hurts (from DD hanging onto me and grabbing me) and I am having contractions on and off bc I got so upset.
DD had few bad days at preK (she went to a private school at 3-4 YO, this school is public) but the teachers were great and handled her very well, after a while she was fine..
I am just so upset by the whole thing and now I am getting anxious about the rest of the week. Going in for a CS on Fri and I don't know what's going to happen when DH has to take her following weeks. I don't know what is expected of a teacher in situations like this? What I should do if and when DD does this again?
Thanks for reading and for letting me share. Thank you in advance for any advice/ideas/suggestions you might have.

Message edited 9/10/2012 9:00:15 AM.

Re: what do you think a K teacher do when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

Ugh, sorry you had to go through that this morning. It's so heart wrenching seeing your child like this, I know.

It's a tough position for a teacher to be in. The way in which you describe your daughter was acting, the teacher would have had to physically yank/grab her to get her into the room - which teachers can't/won't do (liability, discomfort, etc). It doesn't sound like she'd be able to verbally reason with her in that state.

If I were you, I might put a call into the school psychologist this morning and explain what happened. Then he/she can be prepared for tomorrow morning to help you and the teacher.

Good luck and I hope the rest of the week isn't so bad.

Message edited 9/10/2012 8:52:50 AM.

how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

Sorry you had to deal with that! I would definitely call the school and speak to the psychologist. Your DD is going to have a lot of changes going on, and hopefully they can help. I personally think that the teacher should have at least tried to talk to your DD. Reassure her that they're going to.have a fun day, maybe mention something she has planned for them to do, or ask DD if she wants to be her "helper" for something (handing something out, pick out a book, etc. To distract DD a little)

Good luck!!

Message edited 9/10/2012 9:16:44 AM.

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

Posted by ny55angel

I personally think that the teacher should have at least tried to talk to your DD. Reassure her that they're going to.have a fun day, maybe mention something she has planned for them to do, or ask DD if she wants to be her "helper" for something (handing something out, pick out a book, etc. To distract DD a little)

Good luck!!

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

Oh boy do I feel for you. My DD, now in 2nd grade cried when she started nursery, prek, K and 1st grade! In K she cried all the way through March (2-3x a week). It was SO hard, I tried to be strong but there were days I went to work crying.

Anyway, in K I did get the help of the guidance counselor once it continued well past the "normal" range of crying by a kindergartner. Luckily DDs teacher was supportive and seemed a bit more caring than yours. They also had a para who was helpful in giving DD 100% attention. Personally, I'd go right to the Principal and keep pushing for assistance on how to handle her going in each morning.

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

I think the Kindergarten teacher should have asked you if you wanted her to take dd in but I could see if there were a lot of other kids around, having their teacher take a screaming child away from their parent would be tough to see. Most of the kids would translate it as the teacher will take me away from my mom, which isn't helpful to the classroom.

Also, I want you to know the scene that was witnessed by parents was one we have all seen before & it hurt our hearts just as much. We know how it feels when it's time to leave our kids & we know how hard it is to reassure them that they'll be fine & we'll be back.

When she's picked up, I'd remind her that someone will always be picking her up & that tomorrow, will be the same.

I don't know if this will help but my daughter would tell me how much she missed me during the day. I told her I missed her too. Then I told her that if she kissed my hand, then I could probably feel her kisses when I put my hand to my cheek. She did it & I told her it worked. Then I said when I missed her during the day I was going to put my hand to my cheek so I could feel them when I missed her. Then I did the same for her. We would double check that it was "working" before drop off. Sometimes we'd do an extra one if necessary. The imagination is a pretty powerful thing so I used it to my advantage.

Also, I would try to get there so she's the first one in the classroom. That way if she needs an extra moment to compose herself, she'll have it. She wont' be walking into a classroom full of kids & can see them come in one at a time.

Our kindergarten enrichment program had a project for them to do first thing in the morning so it helped with drop off.

Message edited 9/10/2012 11:28:41 AM.

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

along the lines of what Barb said, we read The Kissing Hand before school so now i kiss his hand before we leave the house and he kisses mine.

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

Posted by KartveliT

Posted by ny55angel

I personally think that the teacher should have at least tried to talk to your DD. Reassure her that they're going to.have a fun day, maybe mention something she has planned for them to do, or ask DD if she wants to be her "helper" for something (handing something out, pick out a book, etc. To distract DD a little)

Good luck!!

ITA, This is exactly what I told DH, this is what they used to do with kids at the other school and it always worked. My friend's DD is in the other class at DD's school and she is also having a rough time , crying, screaming, doesn't want mom to leave and that's exactly what the teacher did on Fri and this morning and my friend said it made such a difference, her DD went in without a problem after crying hysterically at first...

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

Thank you everyone, I just picked her up , she came out with a big smile on her face, the teacher said she cried for a few min and she was fine. DD said she is not going to cry tomorrow, lol, so we shall see.
I want to give her a week or so to see how she does before I get any school help involved, but if she does this again and if the teacher does the same thing she did this morning - which was nothing at all- I will talk to a principal.
We have been reading few different books to DD such as the kissing hand,the night before kidnergarten, lama mama and so on, we have bunch of school related books we got last year and over the summer.

But we stopped doing the whole kiss the hand thing, so we'll start again and see if it helps , it did last year.

Thanks again so much everyone, it was a hard morning/day and I appreciate all your suggestions and advice

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

I taught K for 4 years and have seen all sorts of anxiety in kids. Something that sticks out in my mind was a mom told her kid that it was her job to bring me snack(I was preggo) lol. Everyday she brought me something and I made the BIGGEST deal over her, thanking her, etc. it really helped the little girl. I would call to speak with the teacher to come up witha plan. In here defense, it's hard when that's happening to another child while she has to get other kids settled. Good luck and just know it will get easier!! It's so hard seeing our LO's. Like that.

Re: how do you think a K teacher should handle it when a child is crying hysterically bc she/he doesn't want to go in the classroom & what should I do with my DD (bit long, sorry)

I would contact the social work or psychology dept not for permanent help but to help you in the AM to talk your daughter down. This is what they do. I feel for you bc I had a day like this yesterday bc of a "bad friday". (dd got sick in the cafeteria Fri and didnt want to go back monday). My dd was doing everything you said but through my dh's cell phone and telling me I needed to leave work. I told him to walk down to psych (who I never met and let her talk my dd down. She did a fabulous job and dd came home a happy child. Try it. In terms of the K teacher, she probably" cant getas involved since she has 20+ kids to tend to. She can probably take your dc to one of the above people for assistance though. BTW....no aide?