How far would you go for your kids?

Here's the situation. My brother is 37 years old and currently resides in Connecticut with my mom who moved over there in October to "help" him out and because he was lonely? IMO - it was so that he can take advantage of her financially as always. Of course now that I am pregnant and giving birth in August she is coming back to NYC to help us out with the baby...but that's a WHOLE different story!!! One I can't even get into.

Now for as long as I can remember he has depended and almost expected for people to do things for him, ESPECIALLY my mom. Seeing as how he was the first born, my mom tends to cater to his every need, even though at times he has a tendency to get VERY nasty with her. Unfortunately, our father passed away 6 years ago and it seems to me it has gotten WORSE since then.

My mom calls me ONLY when she needs or wants me to do something for my brother. He doesn't have a computer, so she calls me ALL the time to send out his resume to different places while I'm at work and at home. Mind you..my brother HAS a job!! If I tell her I can't do it at the moment, she gets upset. It's almost like I'm supposed to DROP whatever I'm doing and cater to him! WRONG!!! She acts like I have time or even want to sit at a computer and set up usernames and passwords for him, and pick a job (because they aren't very informative when it comes to what positions he is applying for). NO!! I'm sorry I don't want to do it, nor will I become his personal assistant!

So to make things easier, I set up an email account for him, told him the password and printed out copies of his resume for him. Well..that wasn't enough. She is STILL calling me to do these things for him and it is really pi**ing me off!! The way I see it, he's 37 years old and needs to learn how to do things ON HIS OWN! Go to the library and use the computer to do your "job searches", or use one at work.

It has always been this way. Even when we were in school, and I'm sorry, but I have a family to tend to, and I just wonder how far is too far? I know he's her son, but come on already!! Doesn't she realize the damage she is doing? She doesn't realize that she is an enabler and when it is her time to go, he is going to be helpless.

I mean seriously..HOW FAR IS TOO FAR TO GO FOR YOUR KIDS?

Re: How far would you go for your kids?

I think that is too far. He is 37 years old, and he needs to grow up. As you said, when your mom is no longer around (or able) to help him, he will not be able to function. Maybe when your mom comes to stay with you in August you can try to tactfully bring this up, if not for any other reason than to help your brother become more self-sufficient.

Re: How far would you go for your kids?

Re: How far would you go for your kids?

This sounds like my MIL and her 44yr old son. He lives with her and he MOOCHES off her he pays no rent and she is constantly giving him money and taking care of all the thnigs he has screwed up in his life.
yOU CANNOT say ANYTHING to her about him because she gets so defensive

you will never win this argument so dont bother its her life so if taking care of him is how she wants to spend it then so be it.

for you though, you dont HAVE to do anything you dont want to
so dont

Re: How far would you go for your kids?

How far would I go for my kids?

I would buy him a computer & a course & tell him to get a job.

How far would your Mom go?
Far enough to enable him while not realizng she's crippling him long term.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Re: How far would you go for your kids?