How long does it really take to ...

...get over the loss

I know its really early days for me but I am SO sad and I feel like I will never be truly happy again, I keep thinking about the baby and what could have been and what he / she would have been like and if it was a he / she...and I cannot stop thinking about that day at the doctors office and hearing those awful words " I am sorry there is no heartbeat"

My heart is breaking and I cannot imagine even wanting to get pregnant again.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

I got the chills reading this
Honestly, like any loss/death, I don't think you ever fully get over it. It's been 3 months since my mc and some days I'm really ok and some days I cry like a little girl.
BUT, you will be happy again and you will want to get pregnant again. And you will go on to have a happy, healthy, beautiful baby. We all will.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

It takes awhile. For me, I can tell you that around the six week mark I was really starting to feel back to normal, I had gotten my period (or so I thought - and my body was finally healed) but unfortunately that's when I passed the sac. Everything came rushing back to me after that and I was set back again for a few weeks.

Things still pop up. I think about how far along I would be at this point. How I would know the sex of the baby. Those things make me really sad. The only thing that gets me through is to tell myself that it HAD to happen for a reason. I will never know why, I just know that that baby was not meant to be in my arms and I have to believe there is a greater reason behind it.

It's going to take a long time to not be sad though. I can tell you, I was on a cruise three weeks after I started bleeding and I was over the crying everyday part - but really more numb.

I know that getting pregnant makes me want a third even more. I got a picture of what it would be like to be a mommy of three. I was able to see my baby as a big brother. It really made me want a third more now than ever!

Everyone is different though sweetie when it comes to healing! Lots of prayers for you!

Re: How long does it really take to ...

Thank you both for you replies and for sharing your stories. I guess I am shocked at how rocked to the core I am and I am normally a happy, up beat person and this has pulled me right under.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

It was much different for me this time than last time.... I'm still not truly over it!!! In the last week I've been getting upset a lot!!!

Re: How long does it really take to ...

i really think there will always be a part of me that will never be over our losses. my first loss was in 09 and i think about that little boy almost everyday. it doesn't hurt as badly as it used to but the loss (i've had 3) are all a part of me. i still have days where i just downright feel sad and cry out of nowhere. it's a part of who i am now.

you WILL want to get pregnant again. it may take some time and that's completely understandable. after my loss in 09 we took 3 months "off" to heal emotionally and physically and it was honestly so good for us because by time the 3 months was over, i was completely ready again.

you will feel joy again. i know it's hard to believe, but you will. years ago, my dad died and i really thought i'd never laugh or smile again. i felt the same for every pregnancy loss i've had. but ya know what, i do laugh and smile every day. that's part of the beauty of life. no matter what happens, time keeps moving

Re: How long does it really take to ...

Everyone will heal in their own time. For me, I was 6 weeks along and it took me about 2 months emotionally to feel fairly normal again. I still always think about it though and what may have been and to be honest I think I always will.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

It takes some time, and remember everyone grieves differently. I think the first year after my loss was really hard for me. It felt like such a lonely experience to me and like I was the only one really grieving and suffering. I was young (20) and it was unplanned. I would always imagine what my baby would be like and look like. I had another loss a 10 months after my first, so this extended my grief.

I know it's cliche, but time does heal all wounds. You never forget..I still think "wow I would have a 5 and 4 year old right," but it's not the same pain that I felt at first and during that first year. It does get easier. Of course, I always had that fear that I'd never go on to have a baby.

It takes time, but it does get easier. Hang in there, sweetie.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

Re: How long does it really take to ...

I'm really sorry. That is similar to how I felt, I kept replaying the words in my head and couldn't imagine trying again subjecting myself to that. But here I am 6 weeks later and starting to conisder trying again more and more each day. As our bodies heal physically we heal emotionally too it just takes longer. Hang in there.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

For me a very long time. Six months later and I'm still not quite there yet. I would be due in 4 weeks and that is still hard to swallow at times.

It does get better though. I cried every single day for at least 3 months. In the beginning I used to breakdown in the store if I saw a pregnant woman or a baby. I couldn't even watch TV because there was always something about pregnancy/babies that upset me. Now I can deal with those things and most days it doesn't bother me much.

It hurt really bad the first 2 months. My heart literally ached. I was so upset, hurt, sad, angry, frustrated.

It will get better. I promise.

I have mixed emotions when it comes to wanting to try again. I go from wanting to try to wanting to wait. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared. I'm disappointed and relived every month. I'm hoping time helps with that too.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

I am so sorry. Like everyone else said, in your own time. As you move on with your life, the days will become a little easier and at first you will not be aware of it.

I can tell you, there will always be apart of a my heart that will never heal, it will never be filled.

Give yourself some time to heal.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

I lost my son almost a year ago and I'm still not over it. I think about him everyday and the memory of the appointment where we got the bad news still haunts me.

Since then, I got gained the courage to move on and eventually got pregnant with my triplets... just to find out I lost them too (though, much earlier on since my first loss was at 17wks) ...

I thought I was being strong by moving forward just to get a big fat slap in the face.


I don't think you ever really get over it ...

Re: How long does it really take to ...

Pennycat I cannot imagine going through what you are going through...you are in my thoughts and prayers moving forward and I know your day will come

Re: How long does it really take to ...

personally for me, I didn't start to feel better until my due date passed. I mc at around 11 weeks... so it was a while.

I had my mind set on getting pregnant again before my due date. And once that date came along... I felt like I dropped out of a race I was the only participant in. I felt a little more uplifted after that date.

I did get a BFP about 2 months after my due date.

Truthfully though, you never really get over it. It will always be a part of you. I still think of it now... and it's even made this pregnancy be somewhat jaded... i don't have the innocent pregnancy experience that a non mc sufferer would have.

Good Luck to you.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

Posted by beachgirl

Thank you both for you replies and for sharing your stories. I guess I am shocked at how rocked to the core I am and I am normally a happy, up beat person and this has pulled me right under.

Re: How long does it really take to ...

Posted by MrsKS

personally for me, I didn't start to feel better until my due date passed. I mc at around 11 weeks... so it was a while.

I had my mind set on getting pregnant again before my due date. And once that date came along... I felt like I dropped out of a race I was the only participant in. I felt a little more uplifted after that date.

I did get a BFP about 2 months after my due date.

Truthfully though, you never really get over it. It will always be a part of you. I still think of it now... and it's even made this pregnancy be somewhat jaded... i don't have the innocent pregnancy experience that a non mc sufferer would have.

Good Luck to you.