How much can your 3 year old do? What are realistic expectations and what are not?

My DD won't be three until Christmas. She is in a class with children who are mostly turning 4 in Dec, and January with the second youngest in April (she is 6/20). I'm trying to figure out what are realistic expectations and what aren't.

What can your child do? If they aren't fully potty trained what do you expect of them?

Does your child completely wipe themselves - and need 0 assistance? What about if they have an accident (poop) can they 100% clean themselves with no help? Can they easily undo their own jeans buttons with no assistance (esp ones that I find are tough to pull?

Finally - games wise- does your child understand and play all games and all activities - is it unreasonable for them to ask for any help?

What about if your child completely dresses themselves at home - but who has an accident at school and then asks for help. Is it reasonable that they should be able to fully undress and completely clean themselves and not have them ask for help.

Re: How much can your 3 year old do? What are realistic expectations and what are not?

DS is almost the same age as your child, just a couple weeks older. A lot of his friends are several months older than him, and it's easy to fall into comparisons, but I often had to remind myself so and so is 4-5 months older--often he caught up with things they were doing quickly enough.

As far as what he can do, he can wash his hands and dry them, he can take his clothes off but can't really put them on, other than his pants. Even those he needs help with sometimes. He is not potty trained--he keeps getting close, then vehemently refuses to use the potty for awhile. He needs some direction understanding games, and if they are simple games, he follows the directions well. But more complex games he needs help. If the games involve running, he still runs around on his own and really won't run with a group.

I think it's reasonable for a child not quite 3 to need help wiping or after accidents. A little girl DS is friends with has been potty trained for a few months, but needs help with these things.

Re: How much can your 3 year old do? What are realistic expectations and what are not?

I think it's completely unrealistic to expect a 3 yo to be completely independent.

I don't even expect a 4 yo to be able to master butt wiping 100% without some "missing spots".

Re: How much can your 3 year old do? What are realistic expectations and what are not?

My 3 year old, just turned 3 almost a month ago (and my 4 year old) can fully wipe themselves and have since a few months after potty training. Probably since 26ish months for youngest DD and around 29ish months for DD#1. But if they were to have an accident in their pants I think it would be safe to assume they would need some help getting it cleaned up. Just pulling down their pants would make their legs and everthing else dirty

My 3 year old can undo jeans but needs help buttoning them up. My 4 year old can button and unbutton them all with no help.

My 3 year old fully dresses herself and if she had a pee accident she could take off her clothes and put on new ones.

As far as games my 3 year old doesn't understand them nearly as well as my 4 year old. They are only 14 months apart but I am amazed at the huge difference in the things they understand. My 3 year old tries to do everything her big sister does but their are some things she just doesn't "get" yet.

Message edited 11/8/2010 10:27:47 AM.

Re: How much can your 3 year old do? What are realistic expectations and what are not?

DS is 3.5

Fully potty trained but I still help wipe. If it's a pee only potty I don't even need to go with him anymore (unless in public, obviously).

Can undress himself but not dress himself yet. He can put his own coat on and sometimes zipper it.

Games wise he's good - Chutes and Ladders, CandyLand, Don't Break the Ice, Don't Spill the Beans, Hungry Hungry Hippos - all things he can play without any issues. Hates to lose though.


"Is it reasonable that they should be able to fully undress and completely clean themselves and not have them ask for help." No - my 6 year old nephew can't even do this yet.